Dating after a loss is difficult to say the least. To be positive and upbeat with the new person, or just not sure how much to open up with a new love in your life. How do you start the process of staying positive, mysterious and at the same time open up to your past??
“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.” Joey Adams
This journey of this path to love is our interview with Jonathan Aslay, America’s leading Mid-Life Dating and Relationship Coach. His tips and tricks to understanding the sacredness of your sorrow, to expressing yourself in a manner that will be positive and uplifting to a new relationship.
His first secret tip, is to have and practice Self Love.
“The very process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love.” https://www.jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove/
“In fact, once I realized how widespread and vitally important this issue is, I began incorporating that focus into my individual coaching practice, then wrote an entire book on the topic—“What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway?”—a #1 Amazon best-seller packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices.” https://www.jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove/
Self-Love the Book: http://www.selflovethebook.com
What is Self Love?
According to Wikipedia, Self-love, defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, synonymous with amour propre, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism, et al. However, throughout the centuries self-love has adopted a more positive connotation through pride parades, Self Respect Movement, self-love protests, the hippie era, the New Age feminist movement as well as the increase in mental health awareness that promotes self-love as intrinsic to self-help and support groups working to prevent substance abuse and suicide. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love
“Before a person is able to practice it, first we need to understand what it means.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
According to BBRF Foundation:
What does self-love mean to you?
“For starters, it can mean:
- Talking to and about yourself with love
- Prioritizing yourself
- Giving yourself a break from self-judgement
- Trusting yourself
- Being true to yourself
- Being nice to yourself
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself
For many people, self-love is another way to say self-care. To practice self-care, we often need to go back to the basics and
- Listen to our bodies
- Take breaks from work and move/stretch.
- Put the phone down and connect to yourself or others, or do something creative.
- Eating healthily, but sometimes indulge in your favorite foods.
Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first.
How and Why to Practice Self Love
“So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well. These things may be in the form of eating healthy, exercising or having healthy relationships.
Ways to practice self-love include:
- Becoming mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want.
- Taking actions based on need rather than want. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
- Practicing good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
- Making room for healthy habits. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. Do stuff, not to “get it done” or because you “have to,” but because you care about you.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
Thank you Jonathan Aslay for your wisdom, bravery and courage to discussing a very difficult topic but at the same time making it understandable for both Women and Men looking for Love.
FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► https://jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Join My VIP Group for $7– https://jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove
How Men Choose Their SoulMate (FREE Gift) https://www.jonathonaslay.com/gift/
Self-Love the Book: http://www.selflovethebook.com
The “What Would Love Do?” Podcast https://www.jonathonaslay.com/categor…
Recommended Books https://www.jonathonaslay.com/jonatho…
Taking the Taboo out of Death, can be serious or descriptive. You just never know what you might come across. Because Why? Because it is a topic that everyone avoids, everyone pretends life is actually different than it really is. Why? Because we think we are invincible- we are superman – we don’t want to think about the WHAT IF?
“Taboo has a lot of hidden meanings. We’re going to leave that up to your imagination”. Jeff Gaulton
“TABOO, those things that must not be spoken or discussed . Says who?”, Tina Ginn
But, after our interview with Tom Morton this week, you will gain a new prospective on planning, and thinking about yourself and others you love in your life. Why not? Because we find it very difficult to talk about these scary topics that no one wants to elaborate on. We sweep it under the rug, so to speak and hope it will just go away. But ~ I’ll tell you it’s definitely not going away any time soon!
During Covid 19 has been quite a different story when it comes to death. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a friend, during Covid 19 – the Pandemic has changed how we look at death forever!
What has changed? The way we find space for the dead, in burials. As well as the way we want to stay by their side during the painful dying process, whether at home or in the hospital. We haven’t been able to be with the dying in the hospital during 2020-2021 which has changed so many things with families. Where will the dying be put after, sometimes that isn’t even a choice depending on the country that you are living in. In India as the photo above shows the real picture of death during Covid 19. Thank you to the Guardian for this visualization! We will never be able to unsee the photos of the dying during these years.
DYING STEPS THAT HAVE CHANGED
1- The way we are able to sit beside and comfort the dying one of the family
2- The choices we have for after death. Normally cremation, or burial. But depending on what country has the availability for burial. In some countries the country is burying in a big field side-by-side one another. Some bodies have been stored in shipping truck containers while staying refrigerated because of the lack of space in morgues.
3- Finding a spot for your loved one in a cemetery or scattering remains in a private space.
4- Arranging a Celebration of Life or a Funeral- now with this step – this has changed so much in 2020 and 2021. Will we ever arrange this funeral? So many have decided to wait until friends and family can attend. But the big question is will they actually still arrange to have this funeral or celebration of Life? That’s the problem. If we don’t grieve, if we don’t lay your family member down to rest with a ceremony this will eventually cause many other issues for those grieving in the future. The lack of closure the lack of grieving with this process will have lasting effects on our mental health. It will change the grief that we are experiencing to what others in the past have been able to process during this ritual.
We really need to start Taking the Taboo out of Death. So we can experience it, we can appreciate it, we can bless the moment, we can talk about it freely to make decisions. We can make plans, we can get organized to prepare for death before it’s too late.
That’s where Your Backup Plan App comes into play! We are able to make decisions, while we are alive and not sick or disabled or in a coma. We are able to make decisions about the What if? We are able to discuss the topics with our loved ones, so that they are also aware of the different things we want or even if we feel we need them. But if you don’t others will be making all of the decisions for you. And that may not be the most favorable choices in your mind. Perhaps all of these decisions that need to be made quickly will be in fact made for you by others. Is that what you would like? Maybe even a government employee or a friend or foe. Is that what you want?
In our Emerging Blueprint program that will be launched soon, we will be able to lead you by the hand with various worksheets, and webinars to make all of the choices, those decisions before it’s too late. To be able to make those decisions while you are healthy, and happy. You will find that you will make different decisions than if you are sick and dying. It’s very difficult to get any pertinent information out of a dying one, because they are sincerely not going to die. That’s where their head is at during that point.
So, guys let’s start looking at death differently, more open in discussing your wishes, your wants and your dreams with others. Let’s not wait for others to have to make those decisions for you.
Enjoy our Podcast Show on Taking the Taboo out of Death with Tom Morton, in beautiful Scotland!
“Goals. There’s no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There’s not telling what you can do when you believe in them. And there’s no telling what you will happen when you act upon them.” ~ Jim Rohn
What goals did you set at the start of this year? Have you accomplished them? Personal development legend Jim Rohn says the most valuable lessons lie not in the destination, but the journey.
Step on board to our Online Webinar for January 16th Goal Setting in 2021! Whether it’s personal goals that you wish to achieve or secondary income stream, or revenue, relationship goals, dating, or pushing your business to the next Level!
Our Goal Setting for 2021 Event is now available for Saturday Jan 16th, 2021 online at 9 am PST with Cheryl Bishop from Resilient Women in Business
LINK for registration on Saturday Jan 16th, online
“The real value in setting goals is not in their achievement. The acquisition of the things you want is strictly secondary. The major reason for setting goals is to compel you to become the person it takes to achieve them,” Rohn says.”
“Say you want to be a millionaire. The greatest value to becoming one is actually not the million dollars (seriously!). “The greatest value is in the skills, knowledge, discipline and leadership qualities you’ll develop in reaching that elevated status,” Rohn says.
“GOAL SETTING IN POWERFUL because it provides focus. It shapes our dreams. It gives us the ability to hone in on the exact actions we need to perform to achieve everything we desire in life. Goals are great because they cause us to stretch and grow in ways that we never have before. In order to reach our goals, we must become better.
Life is designed in such a way that we look long-term and live short-term. We dream for the future and live in the present. Unfortunately, the present can produce many difficult obstacles. But setting goals provides long-term vision in our lives. We all need powerful, long-range goals to help us get past those short-term obstacles. Fortunately, the more powerful our goals are, the more we’ll be able to act on and guarantee that they will actually come to pass.” Rohn says
“What are the key aspects to learn and remember when studying and writing our goals? Here’s a closer look at goal setting and how you can make it forceful and practical:
Answer this question: What kind of person will you have to become to get all you want? Write down the kinds of skills you’ll need to develop and the knowledge you’ll need to gain. Your answers might give you some new goals for your personal development. Work on your goals. Your ability will grow to match your dreams. “This is the magic of goal setting. The more you work on your goals, the more new opportunities will present themselves to you,” Rohn says.
“You can make big things happen in your life. “You can make startling changes you can’t even conceive of right now, if you just give yourself half a chance.”
“Goals. There’s no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There’s no telling what you can do when you believe in them. And there’s no telling what will happen when you act upon them.“
The only way we can reasonably decide what we want in the future and how we’ll get there is to know where we are right now and what our current level of satisfaction is. So first, take some time to think through and write down your current situation; then ask this question on each key point: Is that OK?
The purpose of evaluation is twofold. First, it gives you an objective way to look at your accomplishments and your pursuit of the vision you have for life. Secondly, it shows you where you are so you can determine where you need to go. Evaluation gives you a baseline to work from.
Take a couple of hours this week to evaluate and reflect. See where you are and write it down so that as the months progress and you continue a regular time of evaluation and reflection, you will see just how much ground you’re gaining—and that will be exciting!
2. Define your dreams and goals.
One of the amazing things we have been given as humans is the unquenchable desire to have dreams of a better life and the ability to establish and set goals to live out those dreams. We can look deep within our hearts and dream of a better situation for ourselves and our families. We can dream of better financial, emotional, spiritual or physical lives. We have also been given the ability to not only dream, but pursue those dreams—and not just pursue them, but the cognitive ability to lay out a plan and strategies to achieve those dreams. Powerful!
What are your dreams and goals? This isn’t what you already have or what you have done, but what you want. Have you ever really sat down and thought through your life values and decided what you really want? Have you ever taken the time to truly reflect, to listen quietly to your heart, to see what dreams live within you? Your dreams are there. Everyone has them. They may live right on the surface, or they may be buried deep from years of others telling you they were foolish, but they are there.
Take time to be quiet. This is something that we don’t do enough of in this busy world of ours. We rush, rush, rush, and we’re constantly listening to noise all around us. The human heart was meant for times of quiet—to peer deep within. It is when we do this that our hearts are set free to soar and take flight on the wings of our own dreams. Schedule some quiet “dream time” this week. No other people. No cellphone. No computer. Just you, a pad, a pen and your thoughts.
Don’t think of any as too outlandish or foolish—remember—you’re dreaming! Let the thoughts fly and take careful record.
Think about what really thrills you. When you are quiet, think about those things that really get your blood moving. What would you love to do, either for fun or for a living?What would you love to accomplish? What would you try if you were guaranteed to succeed? What big thoughts move your heart into a state of excitement and joy? When you answer these questions you will feel great and you will be in the “dream zone.” It is only when we get to this point that we experience what our dreams are.
Write down all of your dreams as you have them. Don’t think of any as too outlandish or foolish—remember—you’re dreaming! Let the thoughts fly and take careful record.
Now, prioritize those dreams. Which are most important? Which are most feasible? Which would you love to do the most? Put them in the order in which you will actually try to attain them. Remember, we are always moving toward action—not just dreaming.
The acronym S.M.A.R.T. means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive.
Goals are no place to waffle. They are no place to be vague. Ambiguous goals produce ambiguous results. Incomplete goals produce incomplete futures.
Always set goals that are measurable. I would say “specifically measurable” to take into account our principle of being specific.
One of the detrimental things that many people do—with good intentions—is setting goals that are so high that they are unattainable.
The root word of realistic is “real.” A goal has to be something that we can reasonably make “real” or a “reality” in our lives. There are some goals that are simply not realistic. You have to be able to say, even if it is a tremendously stretching goal, that yes, indeed, it is entirely realistic—that you could make it. You may even have to say that it will take x, y and z to do it, but if those happen, then it can be done. This is in no way to say it shouldn’t be a big goal, but it must be realistic.
Every goal should have a timeframe attached to it. One of the powerful aspects of a great goal is that it has an end—a time in which you are shooting to accomplish it. As time goes by, you work on it because you don’t want to get behind, and you work diligently because you want to meet the deadline. You may even have to break down a big goal into different parts of measurement and timeframes—that is OK. Set smaller goals and work them out in their own time. A S.M.A.R.T. goal has a timeline.
When someone knows what your goals are, they hold you accountable by asking you to “give an account” of where you are in the process of achieving that goal. Accountability puts some teeth into the process. If a goal is set and only one person knows it, does it really have any power? Many times, no. A goal isn’t as powerful if you don’t have one or more people who can hold you accountable to it.
Cheryl Bishop from Resilient Women in Business : https://resilientwomeninbusiness.com/