I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!
“The more obstacles I overcome, the stronger I become”, Gracie Alvarez- I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!
Deborah Atella is a certified life coach, meditation teacher and Reiki master.
She hosts the aTELLa LIKE IT IS podcast and created the Sisterhood of What Next?! Facebook group. Deborah is the author of the international best selling book, Is This Job My Jam?
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- The Guide For Grown ups Who Still Don’t Know What They Want To Be. Deborah spent years excelling at jobs that she didn’t love, trying to find work-life balance as a mom and hiding her spiritual gifts. Her pursuit of self ultimately led to clarity, relief and the start of her coaching/healing business. Deborah helps her clients figure out what they really want to do, navigate the issues that arise with making changes and bring more joy into their lives. One of her biggest values is truth so the aTELLa LIKE IT IS podcast focuses on Deborah and her guests telling the true behind the scene stories of their lives, relationships and businesses. As a skillful connector, she brings women together in community in the Sisterhood of What Next Facebook?! Group. Born and raised in Philadelphia, Deborah now lives in the suburbs where she and her handsome husband Jeff raised their 3 now adult children. When she isn’t working she loves going on adventures, cooking giant Italian meals (with gravy, not sauce) resetting at the beach and most of all playing with her grandson!
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I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- Our show today is I’ve got to beat the trauma in my life. Yeah, doesn’t everybody have some trauma, but you just wait. Debra from Philly is gonna tell us a few things about her traumas. And there’s not just one. So stay tuned. My name is Tina, Ginn, if you are new here, welcome to our show. I have TALKING TABOO WITH TINA brought to you from YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP. And we focus on real raw conversations with our listeners about their journey from a life changing event in their life. You know, we have a problem about talking taboo subjects with each and every one even the closest person in our lives. We have difficulty talking taboo subjects with so what is your backup plan app?
Well, YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP puts your life all in one place in case of any unpredictable circumstance while taking that painful aftermath out of the tragedy. And what does that mean? That’s a whole bunch of words wrapped up in a small paragraph. And everybody says, What does that mean, Tina? Well, one thing you can count on is that you are going to die. Yes, we are all going to die. We just don’t know when or how we get sick or disabled, we get injured or we lose everything in a disaster or a tragedy. So be prepared for the unexpected because, you know, we’re not Superman. Don’t take it won’t happen to me, illusion.
Because you know, I see it in the news this week, British Columbia and Washington state in the United States has been plummeted by floods, torrential rains, and we have lost a city in British Columbia, a whole city is underwater, a whole other section of another city is partially underwater. And the sewage plants, of course, are then affected. The water systems are affected. And of course, the power is affected. And people are stranded in their cars for mudslides. We’ve had huge highways, the only basically one of the two highways coming from the big city going to other cities of British Columbia have been torn apart and left. I really don’t know when they’re going to be repaired. So there’s a gas issue because trucks and vehicles cannot get to these other cities, we have grocery problems, because there’s not enough stock, there’s not enough transportation.
So be prepared guys, because we don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring. So on that note, we are going to be launching the emerging blueprint with your backup plan. And that is going to help everybody understand why what and how to get your crap together today, or tomorrow, or this month, or next month, or next year to get it prepared so that you understand what you have and what you don’t have, what coverages you have, what you probably have, but you’re not really sure what it means. We’re going to have worksheets to have those family conversations with either your spouse, partner or family member. We’re going to have a library of videos and interviews, talking to people in the industries in each of the countries eventually that we’re going to start with the United States and Canada. And of course the basics are for everybody around the world. So don’t left out just yet.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- But it will pertain to you. You just have to see what rules are around that section of the of whatever category that you’re looking at, in your city or town or country. So if you are new here, welcome to your backup plan tribe. And I am an Emerging preparedness emerging preparedness coach, a best selling author of in the blink of an eye, because yes, everything happens in the blink of an eye. That’s as fast as it is. You won’t believe it. Everybody doesn’t believe it when it happens to you. I am a financial expert and an app developer of your backup plan app and I’m right here located in beautiful Vancouver BC.
Not so beautiful this past week. But hopefully it will get back on track. I’d like to welcome all of you to our show and those of her repeat sending my love and you know, I wouldn’t be here without you guys. So thank you so very much. Click on that, hit that subscribe button down here in the corner. Thank you so very much. Click on that hit that subscribe button in the corner. I’m apparently live on my phone it just started. Isn’t that freaky? Wow, that is so weird. Anyways, click on the subscribe button down here in the corner. Please do I’d love to have you come on our shows each and every week. I’d like to welcome my United States and Canadian listeners from around the world also, Germany is probably the third highest listening group.
So thank you, my German listeners. I ran Ireland and Sweden are next. And I’ll have to work on those when you guys move up the ladder a little bit. I will have that Irish accent down pat for you by then. And Swedish. I’ll work on that part as well. So welcome. Thank you for coming. Let’s get this party started. Our special guest today is of course Deborah. And she comes to us from beautiful Philadelphia.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – Let’s bring her on. There she is. Hi, Tina. Hi, how are you? I’m awesome. How are you? It’s like it’s sunny there. So that must be good. I have a beautiful little write up here for you that I’m going to introduce you. So here’s Deborah. Deborah Atella is a certified life coach, a meditation teacher and Reiki master, she helps the sorry, I need my glasses. She helps host the Atella like his podcast and created the sisterhood of what next?
In the Facebook group. Deborah is the author of the international best selling book is this job, my jam, the guide for grownups who still don’t know what they want to be. Oh my goodness. Pretty much takes care of everybody. Right? Deborah is born and raised in Philly. Deborah now lives in the suburbs where she and her handsome handsome husband Jeff brace their three now adult children. When she isn’t working, she loves going on adventures cooking giant Italian meals all I’m there with you. With gravy, not sauce, resettling resetting at the beach, and most of all playing with her grandson. And all of her links you will find in the description box down below. So thank you, Deborah, for coming on. I’m so excited for you guys to hear her story. You won’t believe it. You just you you if she laughs about it, because because I can now we can now That’s right. That’s right. So Deborah, tell us all about where this all started for you.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – Well, Tina, thank you for having me here. And you know, I was, of course, you know, backstage listening to your answer when you said about the blink of an eye and people really don’t believe that. That is how quickly your life can change in the blink of an eye in January of 2005. So it was a while ago. I was 36 years old. So do the math. You can figure it out. I am now 36 years old. I had three little kids married happily married and I went To bed healthy, vibrant, just got a new job as a spinning instructor. You know, it was the helping mom at preschool that day cooked dinner for the my husband and the kids. That night, my husband, we were all watching TV in our family room and the kids and I didn’t want to watch what he was watching.
So we went upstairs and four of us crawled in my bed to watch some, you know, kids show, we all fell asleep. At some point in the night, my oldest son made it to his room and my baby girl made it to her room. And my middle guy was so in my bed. And I woke up around two in the morning. And because I always look at the clock, whenever I get up, and I woke up around two in the morning, and I had like some pains in my stomach. So this is a little TMI, but I felt like I had to poop right now. So I go into the bathroom. And that morning, I had actually been to the gynecologist I was going to have I needed a procedure done to my uterus.
And I so I had to have a biopsy done that morning. So it goes into the bathroom and blood came out. And it came out the back and I thought oh, wow, that He nicked something. Why did that just happen? That’s so weird. I honestly was like, I’ll deal with this in the morning, I feel better. I went back to bed. I woke up again, my stomach was still bothering me went back in the bathroom. And the next time I woke up, I remembered I was on the bathroom floor. And there was blood everywhere. And then I woke up again. And I was in the bottom of my shower. I had fallen through the shower doors. And when I woke up on the bottom of the shower with the door laying on top of me John even know how that happens. I realized Oh, I must have passed out. So I threw the shower on and there was just blood everywhere. Tina, I cannot even explain to you the amounts of blood that poured out of my body. And so I threw the shower on to revive myself and wash this blood off. I wrapped myself in a towel. And I just want to say no one in my house woke up. No one. I mean, I fell through the doors. No one hurt me.
Nothing wrong with me they were some sound sleepers might be i i made my My middle child was in my bed and my bedroom and bathroom. Like it’s not big. It’s right there like I could, if I’m in bed, I could like reach my hand around into the bathroom. Like that’s how close it is. So I made it to the top of my steps. But I have a center hall colonial and I went to call out for my husband. And when I went to say his name, it came out in a whisper. And I was shocked. And I was like, Oh, what is happening?
That’s like a nightmare dream. And nightmare dream. 100 You know, when you’re trying to run away from somebody else’s dream or nightmare, and yes, and nothing comes out of your mouth. When when all what the only thing came out was a whisper. And I remember thinking like, oh my god, what is happening? Is this real. And so my oldest son heard me. And I said to him Go get Daddy.
And what I didn’t know was that I was blue. And that my face was cut up and bleeding. So I went and I just sat back in the bottom of the shower because I figured if I’m gonna keep bleeding at least let me keep bleeding in here. Now the thing that was really annoying me was this was January of 2005. I had just had that bathroom remodeled December of 2000 for the contractors left the day before Christmas Eve and all I kept thinking was this couldn’t happen before I remodeled this bathroom. How am I going to clean this up? How can I possibly clean up all this blood? This is disgusting. It’s totally a woman thing. Totally a woman. Right? Now I’m in the bottom of the shower and my husband comes upstairs and he’s like what?
And he was just standing authority looks at me. And now he starts screaming for my son to go get the cordless phone. And I’m like, Who are you calling? And he’s like I’m calling 911 Your blue light here. And then he’s like I’m calling your mother and my best friend because my best friend lives right near us. And I’m like, What do you hold them for? And he’s like, somebody’s got to come stay with these kids. You have to go to the hospital. And I’m all like I’m not going to the hospital and he’s like dead. Just calm down. me while I wasn’t upset. It was 911 comes. No one is listening to me. Tina, when I tell them where the blood is coming from.
Okay, they all assume I’m having like a vaginal hemorrhage and I’m not and they’re not listening to me. Which gi blood is very different than that kind of blood. But in the paramedics, they no one was listening to me. So now they get me together. And they have to take me out on a stretcher in front of my three babies and put me in the ambulance and I have to go to the hospital. By this point, my best friend is there. To stay with the kids, my mother was on her way. And now we go by ambulance to the hospital. And I am like near three hospitals. And I say to them, I don’t want to go to one certain hospital, I want to go to this specific hospital. And they say to me, you’re not going to make it. And I’m like, What do you mean, I’m not going to, of course, I’m going to make talking about making get me to that hospital. Or like, you’re not going to make it to there, we have to go here. So they took me to the middle middle hospital that I really didn’t have any feelings for.
They get me there, they bring me into the emergency department and they put me in a room. And if anyone’s ever been in, like the emergency department of a hospital, it’s not like a private room that you go to, but I was in this weird, private room. Okay. And doctors, nurses in and out, in and out. And so then after a little while being in there, the doctor comes back in and he says to me and my husband, we can’t monitor your heart in here. So we need to move you to a different section in the emergency department. They’re preparing a room in intensive care for you. After we monitor you and the room in intensive care is ready, you’ll be transported to intensive care. I sit up in bed, and I say, I’m not going to intensive care. I have to go home. We’re talking about I’ll be fine. I have to go home.
I just got this little problem, right? It’ll be all right. I don’t know why it’s happening to me, you know, you’re not going home, you’re going to intensive care. And I threw up all over my hair was really long. And I drove all over myself and my husband and I passed out. And now what my husband said happened was, I came back around, they got me out of bed and walked me out of the room. And I passed out in the doorway. He said when I passed down in the doorway, doctors, nurses, whoever was there, scooped me up, took me away, sent him to the waiting room. What I know happened was I threw up, I passed out and I was in like I was in the white light that you hear about when people say they’re dying. Yeah. So and I knew, I was like, Oh snap, I’m in the light. I didn’t have that hover over my body experience. I didn’t see my body at all. I was fully in the light. It was gorgeous. It was the most beautiful, loving, brightest, but warm light I had ever felt. And my cousin Laura who I called bud, who died in 1992. Now this was 2005. She died in 92 was behind my left shoulder. And I wish I just knew she was there. I turned my head and I saw her and I said oh 505 Let me hug you and I went to turn my body to the left to hug her.
And she immediately started to push on my left shoulder. And she just kept pushing and pushing and pushing on my shoulder. And I kept saying Stop it Stop it let me hug you but but let me hug you. And I kept trying to turn and she wouldn’t let me hug her until she pushed me so hard that I was sitting up in bed in the hospital and the nurse was like lay down. So then they bring my husband back and Laura instantly went from being in full physical form. Now I’m out of the light I’m back in my body in the room to energy form and she was like a little ball of energy. I say like Tinkerbell like a little ball of light. You know, I was flying everywhere and I could like Hoover’s over you. Yes. She was like she would fly past me and I could feel the whoosh of her like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, air energy everywhere, everywhere. And she was like scanning me and she was scanning all of the equipment and the monitors and everything. So they bring my husband back and I say to him, Chef, do you see or do you see Lara now? I am very high strong. My husband is very calm. My husband does not curse. I will curse like you know with the best of them. I will yell I will scream I will holler. My that is the Italian part.
It kind of is. I don’t know or the felly with my husband is very calm. He doesn’t curse. He doesn’t say like never says like a harsh word to me. Especially. He’s like shut the F stop it. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. And that is not him. Right. He’s like they’re going to get a straight jacket. Stop. cuz I am like literally like, Oh my God, look at her look at her look at her like freaking out you say you’re right. Don’t you see your Tina like I feel like it was so animated but I was literally on my deathbed. So how animated was it? Actually? Right? Yeah, yeah. So now they bring us up to intensive care and she’s there the whole time on the elevator around all the orderlies around the nurses, they bring me into the intensive care into my room and she rushes in. She’s everywhere, looking at everything, checking everything. And I’m like, Jeff, look at her. Look at her. Look at her.
What is she doing? She doesn’t know about any of this. Like she didn’t do anything medical in her life. She doesn’t know about this. He’s like, shut up, shut up, shut up. The nurses trying to talk to me. Doctor comes in doctors trying to talk to me. I don’t care what they’re saying. I only want to pay attention to what Laura is doing. Right? Yeah. So next thing you know, my father in law passed in 2000. And my brother in law passed in 91. We’re in the room, just my husband and I Mr. And I say to my husband, oh, your father and your brother are right there. Do you see your father and your brother and he’s like dead. You got to stop. Just stop. And my father in law and brother in law. Were sitting on my windowsill in full physical form. I got into the intensive care on a Saturday morning. And they didn’t know that I was going to be like completely fine until Wednesday evening. The three of them stayed with me. until Wednesday evening. Laura was always in energy for my father in law, brother in law were in fill full physical form. My father in law and brother in law, were there whenever my husband was there. Laura was there 24/7. And, you know,
like they were sent to to be there for you.
Absolutely. You know, they were holding my husband up and she was making sure I was okay. And I was so it just the whole reason that I hemorrhaged was I was taking an over the counter medication. For foot pain. I had heel spurs and plantar fasciitis. I don’t ever take anything teen it and I was in so much pain that I had to take this and I had been on a prescription like anti inflammatory and pain reliever and it was being recalled from the market. My podiatrist put me on this over the counter medicine and told me to take double the dose that that would equal the prescription strength and within two weeks of taking it regularly, I almost bled to death. I had four transfusions in less than 24 hours. So it was crazy. Um, so I assume that I told you the loss, right from the blah blah, right. So um, when I was there, you know, they had all this so much testing done. And one of the tests that they did was a colonoscopy. And that’s real fun prep on a on a bedpan in a hospital bed. Don’t anyone ever complain about getting your routine screenings, because at least you can do it in the luxury of your home, not flat on your back and a hospital bed with some saint of a nurse helping you? Okay, so at the time, I didn’t have any power ups or I didn’t have anything irregular. I had some diverticula on my colon, which we all get, especially as we age, at age 36. It was a little odd that I had as much diverticula as I did, but it’s not a big deal.
I like fibroids, then. Number five, it’s diverticula are just little pouches that form on your colon. If they get inflamed or infected, it’s called diverticulitis. Just the fact that we have them. It’s called diverticulosis, and we all end up with some of them. So I was so upset that this happened to me, right. And I’m like, I was so healthy. I worked out all the time. I was, you know, a spinning instructor. I was just starting at a new gym. How could this be? How can my body turn on me what was going on? And I was really bitter about it for a long time. And it took a year for me to really heal. And for me to really get I had lost so much blood, I was so anemic, I was so weak. And it really took almost a full year for me to get back to myself. But over that year, five women that were significant in my life died. And that was like I just kept getting like hit and hit and hit right. But five years later, after the hemorrhage, I had to have a repeat colonoscopy at age 41, which the average person does not have a colonoscopy routine colonoscopy until you’re 50 Unless you have some kind of issue. So at age 41, when I had the repeat colonoscopy, I have precancerous polyps on my colon. That would have stayed there that would have turned Cancer by the time I was 50. So ultimately that hemorrhage saved my life. It saved me from colon cancer. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – It’s like It’s like that hidden one. Right? The. It’s like the uterus one. I think it’s very hidden hard to find it doesn’t show up as stage one or two usually
cervical cancers like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that hidden one. Yep. So that’s awesome. Kind of, right. So when once that five Mark hit that five year mark hit, and I, you know, found out that I had these precancerous polyps and they were removed. And then I started to see it as a gift. I always felt like getting to see Lara and my father and mom, brother in law was a gift, but not the experience. Right? And then I started to see the whole thing was really a gift. And it also, I have, you know, hid my I hate the word psychic. But I have hid those things about myself my whole life.
And they kind of were like, huh, can’t really hide in your saying, you saw us, you know, blah, blah, blah. And more and more, I started to really, I always paid attention to the way that I felt around people. You know, I always would tell my kids, if it feels creepy, it is creepy. Get out. But I started to realize how much I could sense energy in all things all around me all the time. And I and I realized, like, I have been doing that my whole life, but not being conscious that I was doing or feeling the things that I was if that made, right. Yeah. And then that led me years later down a path of, you know, I really didn’t talk about my near death experience. For a long time, I would tell people, you know, like, sometimes it’s like a cool party story. On the company, you know, I’m at people who knew it, they’re like, dead talk about that time, you know, tell them but I didn’t really like ever, like dive into it until years later, when I started to see a coach and Reiki master regularly, and I get started to get energy work regularly. And then that really started to open up and bring up all of my gifts and bring them to the forefront. And, and having to make a choice like, am I going to step into these? Or am I going to keep hiding these? Yeah, and use them and use them? Right? Mm hmm.
Well, we’re all supposed to have them.
We all have them. But some people don’t have a clue.
No, some people don’t have a clue. And some people just are not open to that. And that’s fine. Like, you know, whatever anyone feels comfortable with is fine. Um, but, you know, there are ways to I always, you know, the number one thing, you know, with, like intuition, you know, we call it like, your, like, your spidey sense, is, you know, we use it to let us know, the four seats in a situation or not, but it goes like beyond that, right. But that’s just like the general thing. But just like, you know, helping you to make decisions, you know, you hear that voice and that your inner voice. And, you know, I always thought that, you know, when people would say they connected to spirit, or they got messages, that it would sound things like, you know, like thunder crashing and then they would be like Jabra, ooh, this my child or something like that. Right?
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- When are you going to wake up? Yes. It is not like that. Like that voice is just steady and calm and quiet. It doesn’t fight back. So when you’re like trying to make a decision, and you know, you’re trying to tap into what feels right for you, or listen to that inner guidance, your ego is going to fight back or it’s going to give you pros and cons and everything else right? That inner self that that that higher knowing is just going to be like this is it this is it. Yeah, you know, like you’ve got to go between like you know, purple or orange and it’s gonna be like orange and you know that your ego is gonna be like purple it’s brighter it’s prettier but but but more people like great than orange you know, things like that. Yeah. And so just for you know, leaning into that little thing and that’s not a weird thing for people that right like, yeah, it doesn’t that kind of stuff doesn’t scare people. It’s the other stuff like oh my god, do you talk to dead people or things like that, that like freak people out and I should say like that Um, the biggest scariest person ever, like I don’t like anything scary.
So for Alonzo, obviously it’s not scary for you it’s well, it’s not now. But I, for the longest time I was scared to allow myself to learn modalities or are they even like talk about these things, because I was I don’t know, I was just scared that I was gonna like do something wrong, invoke something, whatever. Now I am surrounded and protected at all times in life. And you, you know, you make a deal with spirit like, you know, I don’t want to be contacted when I’m naked, when I’m taking a shower when I’m asleep, unless it’s going to save my kids lots leave me alone. You know, like some kind of urgent message. Other than that, wait until I have some clothes on. Wait until I’m not in the shower or my bedroom. And then we can talk.
Well, you set your boundaries set my boundaries. Absolutely.
So what do you think? When you’re you mentioned to me in the hospital room with your husband, you know, we talk about these important conversations.
So so we’re I’m in the hospital, and I’m dying, literally. And we had never, and I mean, never talked about what we want it if we were to die. And what’s taboo, it is my new buddy, right? Well, for us, it’s ridiculous that we didn’t because his brother died very young. He was 26. And my cousin died. She was 21. So they were you know, my brother in law was an illness. My cousin was an accident, again, blink of an eye whole life changes, right? So we knew things could happen to young people. And I have we had other young people in both of our families that it wasn’t like we didn’t know. Yeah, so and my husband and I have known each other basically our whole lives. So it’s really weird that for us, we didn’t talk about that. And so I think that what happens with people is that it’s not going to happen to you.
Exactly right. It kind of Yes, exactly. For both Yes. Yes. It’s not going to happen to you, you can’t ever imagine that it’s going to go down like this. So you know, I’m in the hospital bed. And now I say to him, Okay, we have to talk about if I die, and, and and what I want. And here’s my rules. I’m bossy Tina, um, and so and he does not want to talk about it. And he’s like, stop it, you’re not gonna die, you’re gonna be fine. It’s all gonna be fine. And I’m like, I just had four transfusions. And I see dead people right now, I think we should talk about God forbid if this goes the wrong way right now. Right? He was really resistant. And I was like, Alright, to just shut up and listen to what I have to say. And so then I told him what my wishes were. And then I gave him room. And, you know, he’s like cracking up the whole time
didn’t was he didn’t want to be buried.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – I didn’t want to be buried. I wanted to be cremated My in laws. My husband’s grandfather, who I adored, I knew in my whole life had purchased like, like, an enormous amount of plots for their entire family to be together. I didn’t want to be their teen, I don’t want to I don’t I don’t want to be in the ground. I want to what does he say? And he was like, what? And I’m like, I want to be cremated. And we have a bar in our living room. And I’m like, so put my ashes on the bar. Because from that point, you could see my front door, and I could see anyone that would come in and out of my house, right? I’m like, you can get married, of course, so young. Here’s the list of people you can never marry or date. He’s like, Oh my god, are you kidding? Right now? And I’m like, I’m not kidding. And then, um, and I was like, you know, don’t one of my big things was don’t take anything the kids say for face value. I you know, because I can always feel that they were leaving something out or what if the same more or you know, a student ever take what they’re saying that face value.
Pay attention when they’re telling you something important? Or maybe you might not think it’s important, but it is. And don’t you let any don’t dare ever let them call somebody else mommy. They could love somebody that you marry, but she’s not the real mom. I am. Don’t let them call her mommy. They mean ever. They could pick a different name. And he’s like, All right, okay, I can’t marry this list. Put you on the bar. cremate it. Nobody’s. They’re never gonna call anybody, Mommy. And I’m like, yes. So then I also teen it financially. I did all the bills and all the banking and he didn’t know No anything. And his paycheck was actually like an actual paycheck, not direct deposit.
So then I said to him, you know, this is, you know, the account to put your paycheck. And this is where the checkbook is. And back then, like, everything wasn’t automated, like it is now. So for us back then like my, our mortgage, and like insurances were automated, but no utilities or credit cards or anything axes, right. And I’m like, you have to, like, pay this. This is and I’m giving them like the list of when everything’s doing, like, write it down. And he’s like writing it down. And I could tell like, he’s not paying attention. And so I was home from the hospital, maybe about three months, and I like have a little bit more energy and I start to go through this pile of mail. And all the utilities were getting shut off. Oh, I just assumed that he was taking care of it as I recovered.
Yeah. And I said to him, You came home from work, and I’m like, everything’s getting shut off. Like you didn’t pay anything. What would you have done? If I die? He said, I would have just let them shut it off and started new startup fresh, new accounts. I’m like, That’s ridiculous. Ridiculous. So would it be right? I wouldn’t have been there. So whatever he would have to figure it out. But, um, my sister would have helped them but still, you know, there are conversations that need to be had that you don’t think about.
Yes, because you’re living your usual life. Getting the kids ready for school and what parties next and what dinner? Yep. And to my going to, and, oh, I forgot I have to go to that hockey game. I can hardly wait for Friday night. And, and nobody’s ever having that taboo subject. Discussion?
No. And it’s so important to have it even to know like, Okay, say, God forbid, you do die? Do you want your organs donated or not donate it? Right. You know, what do you want for your final arrangements? Is there something specifically that you don’t want? That you’re right, right.
Even to girlfriends and wives down to who can marry next Tina, right. You know, and it’s really important to have those conversations, no matter what age you are, like, if you haven’t had them yet have them? Yeah, you know,
and I even say, you know, there was used to be a thing where you would take your kids, they would check your car seat in the car, they would do your fingerprinting of the child, you could attach some hair to it in case they ever went missing. You know, all of these things we’ve really left by the side. Mm hmm. We’re not, we’re somehow thinking that’s not going to happen. So, you know, let’s just worry about the dress I’m going to wear Friday night.
Right? Right. So I have my major in college was criminal justice. And I was a probation and parole officer when I graduated from college for six years. So I was always very safety conscious. So things like that. I was always on top of and had plans for, like, you know, when your kids are really little, like they don’t know their address yet. Like they’re too little to notice things right? Or, you know, their phone number, anything like that. So, everybody thought I was crazy. But this is what I did. You know, when you go to like Petsmart or Petsmart there or? Okay, and you could get the little you know, dog tags made for your pet? Yeah, I had their name with our phone number on it. And then my name under it. So anytime we went somewhere. They had that on on and you couldn’t see it. It was like under their you know, like tucked in there shirt. Yeah, I had that on. We went to Disney. They had that on we went to an amusement park. They had that on. Anytime we went big places like that. Then my kids had stuff like that on that nobody knew.
Oh, that’s cool. That’s a great tip. Mm hmm. So what do you so you would think people should have these conversations?
Absolutely. But even with sisters, brothers and parents, absolutely like it, you know, because there’s family like families get, you know, have opinions on things or you know, everybody thinks, oh my gosh, right. Or they think they know like what you are they think that they should have Say in what you do, right? If you have that conversation, and then you have it all written out, you need to honor that, you know, whether you agree with someone’s arrangements or not, how can you? I don’t know, I just feel like you always need to honor whatever somebody wants to do, especially in regards it specially in regards to like, their last two the remains, you know,
it’s like, even if they get sick, even if they get sick, that’s something else that people don’t want to talk about. And, you know, I, of course, was never expecting to have that happen to me. Um, and even just like, child care why was in the hospital, right? Or, you know, how who’s going to take care of, and God bless my mother and sister and my sister actually lived out of town and came home to help but you know, who was going to take care of these kids? And, you know, the pets and pets, and, and, and your plants? Like everything, your home, your car, all of it? Like, who’s going to handle these things? Who’s the point person? Because there has to be one?
Well, it’s if you don’t have those conversations, families usually fight over. Absolutely. who’s doing what?
who’s doing what? Absolutely.
Yeah. Especially those big Italian families.
Especially, while everyone thinks that like their way is, you know, the best way and they may or may not have valid reasons, so just find out what people want. And it was way less of a headache.
Yeah, it’s like if you had that conversation with your mom say, right, when she’s perfectly fine. And then next year, she’s had a major stroke, and you have to put her into a home. Well, if you haven’t had those conversations, and how do you know what she wants?
Exactly. So my dad died in December of 2018. He literally dropped that Tina, like out of the blue, he just died. And I always knew that when he died, that’s how he would die. Because my whole life, he always said, you know, you hear about somebody going to sleep and they just don’t wake up. That’s the way to go. That’s the way to go. And it really is all planned. He did. And so he died. But we didn’t know anything. We didn’t know. And my parents were divorced for a long time. Like we didn’t know, did he have insurance that he not have insurance? Was there going to be money to bury him not we knew that he would want to be buried. And we knew that he would want like a big, big turnout, big, big showy things. Like we knew that that’s how he was, that’s what he would want. He would want the whole viewing. And then he would want the big man, you know, big Catholic mess and a big party afterwards. Those things we knew, but money wise, like we didn’t know. And then we didn’t know like, did he want? What did he want us to do with all of his stuff? Right now? Like, did he want things donate it? Not? Did he want any of us to have certain things specific thing? It was just like, it was crazy. So, you know, I we did have conversations with our mother after that. And then, um, you know, I told my husband like, we need to get this like ironed out with your mom, too. Now. Yeah.
When you’re talking about your dad, when you haven’t had those conversations with them, and you don’t know what they wanted. But you also don’t know if there’s account since sitting somewhere that have money in them? Well, in
our case, there really wasn’t. But yes, you might not know that, right?
You don’t know. You don’t really don’t know. And you and they’re sitting unclaimed for years and maybe forever. Same as life insurance policies. Absolutely. Absolutely. And they’re, they’re important things that you you need to know about. And you need to know where those things are. And it’s really funny, because the one thing that we didn’t know, was there was this again, cemetery plot. There was this like family cemetery plot and my dad’s family. And so my dad always knew when he died, so ever since him and my mom weren’t together anymore, where he was going to go. And he had like a little lockbox and the deed was in there. And then I was just known like that, then I was to Pat after he passes to take that deed and to give it to, you know, a new who to give it to next because there would be one more spot. But other than that, we had like no clue. And we didn’t know how we were going to pay for and luckily, there was enough insurance to to, you know, to care of it. But we were like, Oh my God, how do we find out and then having to go through papers? And luckily, he kept really good records. So we were able to find things. But some people don’t know No clue and things go missed, you know? Yeah.
Especially when you move, especially for when you get older. Yeah, I forget to her. Yes. Yeah, yes. Mm hmm. And so she
had a situation where with his car and his car insurance, and my dad was, he was he paid cash a lot for things, right. And I needed to take his car and get and get rid of the car. And I was like, I need to cancel the insurance now. He paid his agent in cash. And they never paid the policy. The policy was not paid. So thankfully, I reported the agent. But thankfully, he never was in an accident. Because here he was thinking he was covered. And he wasn’t. Yeah.
Especially if he had died in the car. Exactly. When that had been a pretty picture. Oh, thankfully. Didn’t even have to deal with any of that.
Wow. I guess they don’t have cash sort of transactions anymore. I don’t think,
Well, this was just in 2018. He literally went to the office and pay the agent in cash.
Why? Wow. So you don’t even know. I mean, literally for people. And in in America, you in Canada, we’re giving up document? Mm hmm.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – And we saw it. Yeah. And he had a document and all this. And then I call the insurance company to cancel the policy. And they’re like, there’s this is not in effect. It was a whole that’s a whole another thing. That’s fraud. Tina, neck all got reported in. Wow. But that was taken care of right.
Yeah, cuz you don’t know what you’re going to come across?
You don’t know? You don’t?
So do you guys have these conversations much easier now?
Why husband? And I definitely do. And then also with my siblings. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Because
sometimes, you know, we don’t even have those discussions with our parents. Right? And, and then it’s the same problem, because you’re going to be stuck having to hold the bag.
So what do you think, um, tell us a little bit about your book that you wrote.
So my book is, is this job, my jam the guide for grownups who still don’t know what they want to be? I don’t even know which way to turn it. There you go. Yep. So my book is so much fun. And it’s so helpful and informative. And in it, I, I go through how to make a decision how to find a job that is your jam. And I take readers through my signature program, it’s called inch. And, you know, using the four different letters, which is for identify NS for non negotiable C’s for change, and H is for hallelujah, which is really celebrate, but the you know, use that H to make the acronym work. And I take my readers through how to make a decision. You know, people come to me all the time, you know, I am a certified life coach, and my clients will come to me, they’re in some form of transition, you know, either re entering the workforce after these kids are grown, and now they want to go back and do something or they fit in the workforce, and they want to make a change.
Or, you know, they’ve gone through divorce, and they have to go back to work now, and they don’t know what they want to do. They don’t want to go back to whatever they were doing prior. And, you know, I help them go through and really identify what is it that lights you up? What is it that you know, would make your life easier, better, more manageable? And sometimes what we find is, I find this a lot with people who you know, Oh, I hate my job. I hate my job. My boss is a jerk, blah, blah, blah. They’re all you know, they want to change their jobs so desperately. But when it comes down to it, they just want to do the same thing somewhere else. And that’s fine, right? They when they Whittle all the things away? It’s not the actual work. That’s the issue, right? It’s wranglings. It’s their attitudes mindset. It’s others it’s other things and getting to the bottom of those things. And you know, for some people changing a job that’s just never gonna happen, right. It’s like a luxury that just cannot happen for some people. But finding other things that light you up finding other things that are your jam, like focusing on your hobbies and really carving time For yourself, and, you know, practicing some self care is so important. And women especially let that go right away.
Well, yeah, because you, you do your, you become non important to yourself.
Exactly. And so we need to all realize that we are all our own jam. And we need to nurture and take care of ourselves. You know, even if it’s as little as five minutes a day that you spent focusing on yourself years ago, I decided that I was going to meditate every day, I had been meditating for years and years, but I never made it a habit. But I knew that whenever I did it semi regularly, I felt different. I felt better, but I just couldn’t make it a habit that would stick. So I decided that I was going to make this a habit that would stick even if I only would meditate for one minute a day. So I let myself off the hook. Right? I let go of, you know, I always joke that I’m a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist and procrastinator. So I made it really easy on myself, I just have to do this for one minute, every day, I could do anything for a minute. Yeah. And I have meditated every single solitary day since April 6 2017.
nd that’s the way that I’ve been able to be successful at it. So when I work with people, whether it’s trying to find a job, that’s their jam or relationship, that’s their jam, or whatever the issue is that they’re coming to me for, whether it’s for energy clearing, or coaching, or both. I like to make things as simple as possible. Take it down to like, the easiest steps so that you get you build your confidence, right by getting an immediate win, and then stack them and then stack them. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have setbacks. Of course you are, but you’re better able to handle them. You know that confidence increases when you start to keep those promises to yourself. And when I met started to meditate every day, and I gave myself a year, let me see what could happen to my life in a year if I could keep this promise to myself. And my life blossomed in ways that I could have never imagined. And it ultimately led me to leaving my nine to five job starting my business, writing a book, having a podcast, you know, things that I I never had them on my radar, I always wanted to write a book. But the other things like they were not on my radar to do and I and all naturally fed into those. It flowed, it totally floats. And I was in flow.
Because I think there’s a lot of people out there that think that they can’t do something else, and they hate what they’re doing. But in fact, you could actually do it on the side, maybe there’s something there was a contract or or you could make candles or T shirts or whatever it is that absolutely, it doesn’t have to be your main gig, right?
It can be something on the side. And also, it could be something that you don’t even make money from just something that you enjoy doing. So I you know, in the book I talk about and I always work on this with my clients is you need to try things, you need to try several things. Um, I used to own a retail business, I used to own a card and gift shop. And I cannot tell you the amount of people that would come in and say to me, Oh, I would love to have a store like this, oh, I love to have a business like this, Tina, I just wanted to hand it over to them because I hated it. But I would say to them, Come shadow me for the day and see if this is something that you really want, and then I’ll sell you my business. But I always offered people the opportunity to shadow me. And that’s something that you can do if there’s something that you’re thinking that you would like to try, go shadow someone who’s doing it or, you know, go and volunteer your time or do an internship. Or see if you can take that person that you know is doing what you want that you think you want to do. Ask them to coffee or Zoom meeting or whatever it is, yeah, let’s start to try things before you just jump in and make this huge life decision.
It’s amazing when you think back of the horrible, horrible experience that you had line in the hospital room, where it’s just evolved for you into yourself as well as helping others because you’ve sort of seem to have realigned yourself with your purpose.
Absolutely. So after I after that experience that near death experience and then within a few years later, we bought this retail business and it was such a financial. It was it was a decision Esther in every way it that almost killed me more than the hemorrhage dead. It was like killing me physically, mentally, spiritually in every way. It was too much. And I knew it going in. And my intuition kept saying to me, she’s lying, the old owner who I was buying the business from, she’s lying. She’s lying. She’s lying. But I kept saying, whatever, it’s all good, it’s all good. It’s all good. You know? And then my intuition will be like, no, no, no, and it was just slow and straight, it was very steady. And at that point, I didn’t know the difference between that and like, my ego getting in the way. And then my ego just kept fighting back, but we have to do it, we’re going to do it, we’re going to try it. My, my husband really wanted this. I didn’t, I wanted to do it for him. Um, and my, my, my, you know, my higher self, my intuition was really trying to protect me and telling me no, don’t do this. Went into it. It was a complete disaster.
But it also gave me a confidence in myself that I didn’t have before. And it really showed me, I can do anything. I always have jobs. Throughout my life. I’ve always had jobs that I never knew what I was doing that I had no experience in the field, someone was like, you will be good at this. Here’s money. I’m like, alright, I’ll do it. And then I would be like this star worker, right? Yeah, go into this business. And I don’t have any business background, which is not a good thing. If you’re going into business, you need to know something about business. You don’t want to get a bookkeeper or somebody to tell you what to do. Or something. Something Right. Um, so I had worked retail, like one summer in my life as a teenager, I’m like, I could I could sell, right, I could sell anything, if I’m passionate about something I could sell it. And so I’m like, alright, I’ll do it whatever, incur hundreds of 1000s of dollars worth of debt, because we didn’t stay in it. There was a lease, we were in the store, you know, we assume the lease, which is part of purchasing the business. And I knew that lease was going to end. And when that lease was up, I was like, we’re out.
And we’re gonna take this hit. But we got to do it. Because my husband and I were literally, we were dying from exhaustion. Yeah, and not being able to do the stress or life stress exhaustion. I went from being home all the time seeing my kids all the time to never seeing them working 12 to 16 hours a days, like seven days a week, mostly, you know, sometimes I would have off on a Wednesday, I worked almost every night and weekend, you know, from all of 2011 1213 and half of 14 was horrible. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now and laugh. And when I got out, you know what I said that my husband was we can always make money. We can never buy back time. We’re never getting this time back. We have to get out.
And take the stress back. It’s it’s yes. been embedded in you. Absolutely. So what kind of I mean, I hate to go because I’m having so much fun. But what would you like to tell the listeners,
I would say you really can do anything that you want to do. It’s just being able to be brave enough to try. So take baby steps inch your way to what you want to do. Don’t try to do it all at once you’re going to get overwhelmed, you’re going to get stressed out and then you’re going to quit. dip your toes in. I always joke like, Do the hokey pokey with the right foot and you could take it back out, put it back in and just try ensure way little by little and small, consistent aligned actions. Equal massive results.
I think so. I think consistency, that passion. Mm hmm.
Well, passion. Need right, like passion can feed. So if you start to build those habits, that you keep taking action, you just keep moving forward. Keep moving forward, then you can’t miss. Yeah, I don’t look at anything as a failure. Like I’m like either, and Nelson Mandela says it and I’m gonna mess this quote up please forgive me. It’s like, either I got a lesson or I learned I mean, I like a laugh or lesson something like that. Like nothing is a failure. You’re gonna learn something along the way. And hopefully a laugh or two. Yes, yes.
Oh, that’s beautiful. Thank you so very much. Thank you. Well, you guys can you believe this? I am sure We could talk about this for a few hours. We’ll have to have Deborah back again after maybe she’s got a little bit more information of her clients maybe or, you know, like, there’s so many other stories that you’re going to come across that we would probably love, all love to hear. Your story has been amazing, amazing story and inspirational, motivational, you know, taking something that can flip you upside down and put you to dry, really, you know, amazing. Thank you so very much for bringing that to our listeners. That was beautiful. Thank you for the opportunity.
Oh, you’re welcome. I my quote, and I always mess it up, too. Is Mike Tyson always has a famous quote that he says, everyone has a plan until you get punched in the mouth. And I don’t know, it is true. And I really don’t know how many people even think they have a plan because they don’t. You know, like I say to people, do you have a backup plan? Yes, I have my will and my power of attorney. That’s not a plan. Sorry. That’s not enough. It’s like this little bit of the plan. Like you, you didn’t even talk about that. You were talking about what things you wanted, and measure that the person’s going to do those things. And, yeah, and so it makes it so much nicer if you don’t have to have those conversations at that present moment.
When When emotions are high and adequate people, right, that stability, you need that strength, you need that love to come in to help each other out whoever that is. That’s with you. Yeah, it’s it’s amazing. I talk about being present. And that’s definitely being present. Yes. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you for all those great tips and tricks that you had up your sleeve today. So, thank you guys. I’m going to bring out my hand because you need to subscribe. Subscribe and ring that bell ring that bell. Ring that bell down below. Right there. Everybody knows that 70. So you can get notified of our upcoming videos.
Absolutely. When you are thinking about someone special that’s close to you right now. And you haven’t talked to them. Please pick up that phone. We still have phones, text, FaceTime message, zoom, whatever it is. Tell them how much you love and care about them today. Because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. So stay tuned for our next podcasts and live streams. We have great conversations with some of the most interesting and accomplished people in the world today. Look at Deborah. I think you’ll be entertained and formed and I hope that we’ve inspired and motivated you guys to start thinking about your unique plan.
No one is Superman. So expect the unexpected. Thank you again to all our listeners. We are in our second season. Thank you so very much. I appreciate each and every one of you. We were on all podcast platforms, YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Facebook. We also have a VIP Facebook group for those with your backup plan app. So thank you for sharing. With each and every one. If you have been listening to the show today, you are here for a reason. So please like, share and subscribe to it. I always end our show with Carol Burnett because she was the most beautiful person in the whole wide world. I know Deborah knows who Carol Burnett is of course. I’m so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song seems we just get started. And before you know it comes a time we have to say so long. So long, my friends so long to all of our listeners. Thank you so much again Deborah, thank you for coming on our show today. Be kind stay safe expected the unexpected. Bye guys. Bye.
Thank you we all love You Guys!
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