SHIFT HAPPENS WHEN ….
Shift Happens when …… we can experience the change, it hurts and maybe uncomfortable but Hey, why not make this shift because nothing else is working! Kinda like weight loss, try try again!
“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it; change the way you think about it.” Mary Engelbreit
That worked pretty good, I’m getting better. Welcome YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE to this week’s awesome live stream with a very special guest from the UK beautiful. England.
I’d so love to be there right now. Our special guest this week is from our title shift happens when and I think in this time of the pandemic, when everyone is starting to move back into what real life was or can be moving forward. I think it comes with a lot of shifts. And I think it’s pretty darn good that we have a special guest today to talk about these kinds of issues.
So welcome YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE.
How’s everybody today on a beautiful Monday, or whenever you’re listening to this a beautiful day as it is, if you are new here, please like, share and subscribe down here on the corner, press that like button, if you would like more of these videos. Thank you so much for coming on our show. I really truly appreciate it YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE does. Absolutely. We’re a growing community of people who want to hear real life stories about their real life. And there’s nothing better than that. If you are new here, my name is Tina Ginn. And you have reached YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE. And I am up I am Emergency preparedness coach, I almost forgot what I am.
It’s Monday. So you know, we do do do do those things. We do do lots of airs today. So that’s kind of cute. I’m an Emergency Preparedness Coach, Best Selling Author of in the BLINK OF AN EYE, a Financial Expert and an APP Developer of YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP. And I’m located here in beautiful Vancouver, BC.
Shift Happens when …… And I just want to let everybody know that these stories can be shared, you can click on the share button. And you can click on the bell which is beside the subscription button to make sure that you hear any of our videos that are upcoming, and you’ll be notified before they get uploaded. So make sure you click on that bell, YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP puts your life all in one place, everything that’s all up in your head that no one else knows about. But you in case of any unpredictable circumstance.
You know, we have storms that come through our lives, sometimes many things, sometimes one thing sometimes, you know we have to be prepared for that unexpected and your backup plan app helps you get organized helps you put those things all in one place so that you don’t have that painful aftermath that comes with that tragedy with that trauma with that experience of maybe hearing that cancer word or a car accident or in a coma or or a flood or an earthquake or even a tornado it list goes on and why not be prepared because you don’t know what to expect. You have to expect the unexpected.
So today I’d like to also welcome Listeners, because our biggest listeners for our show has been United States, Canada, Germany and Ireland. And I’m still working on that Irish accent. But all thank my German listeners.
So thank you very, very much for coming on our show and listening to our wonderful great real life stories of people around the world. And Heather Jean today is no exception. And I’d like to bring her on and give her wonderful introduction for the UK.
Shift happens when ….
Hey, Heather. So Heather Jean is coming to us from the UK today. She is a business training and consultant. She calls herself an old time Coach and Trainer. She created with her friend cap confidence through cabaret. And I really wanted to bring on Heather today to our show for our listeners. Because all of us going back to the real life, the real normal, the norm that we used to have is going to be coming up.
For the majority of countries. I know, in Canada, we’re looking at that the anxiety, the depression, the changes that maybe people have to move back into the real life normal again, working from not from home anymore, all of those kinds of things. And I really liked your story. So I wanted to bring Heather on to talk about her story, her journey, what’s brought her to being able to help others with confidence and enlightenment. So thank you, Heather, for coming on our show today.
Oh, thank you for having me. It’s such a pleasure. It’s such a pleasure. And it’s great because I get to talk spend time with somebody else from Vancouver. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I really what you’ve just said about, you know, people coming out of lockdown. I mean, in the UK, we have been in lockdown, more or less, for 14 months, and we have another month to go. And there’s still talking about extending that. So we have not been out much, you know, so. So it’s a, it’s a very big shift for a lot of people. And you’re right, and people are starting to talk about that. So. So it’s, it’s going to be interesting times ahead.
Shift happens when …. It will be so tell us Heather about, you know, where did it start for you? Where did your story start? And, and I heard the outcome, and it’s fabulous.
Okay, so, um, ah, where to start? I mean, I, I, it that’s actually strangely moved, as I’ve had more and more reflection time during these months of lockdown. Because I would have thought, oh, I sorted this is the point when things started. And then and then I, and I think, you know, an awful lot of my story starts with, you know, some of the social programming that I had, I had a very happy childhood, I was very, I thought I had an amazing childhood. And so it started, you know, during lockdown, really thinking about, there’s quite a few things that I need to challenge that are, you know, in excepted programs in my mind that I just need to bottom out and shift. For example, my mother saying You’re so impatient, it’s like that is ingrained, just the volume, the tone, everything. And so, so when, when I went off to, you know, be a married person, I just assumed part of my programming that I would get married and have children and that’s what you do. And I didn’t question it. And I didn’t, I didn’t, wasn’t not unhappy with it, but I didn’t. I didn’t make that choice.
Consciously so. So I, I’m, I’m married into a marriage where we on the outside to everyone else seemed wonderfully sunshine and everything was great. He was very abusive, and most especially emotionally abusive, and that started immediately after the honeymoon. And so I instantly, like, I’m going to say from day one felt trapped. And long story short, I went off to be an expat in the Middle East. I was sent by an airline to live out there and run their, their, their training and, and because of that, I was able to kind of I had a company house I had all the things that an expatriate has. So I was able to leave that marriage and that that that saved me from that chapter that gave you that courage and the strength to get away from the situation and, and really look at them. Yeah, I was in a system right. I had a company house. I wasn’t like I had to leave and then where would I go? It wasn’t like you know, like, you know, I from counting I was living in the UK, it wasn’t like, I don’t have any family here or you know, I have no support system or I cut it because I was an expatriate. And I, I had a lot of support around me and just the way that the culture is set up, I was able to do that and say now, enough, you know? And, and I thought, Okay, so that’s good. So I’m sorted. I’m okay. No scars from that. I mean, like, logic would tell you like, if you’re listening, you’re like, what were you thinking? But I just, I felt fine. You know, I’ve really felt like, okay, good. This is this is worked out.
Shift happens when …. I then met my second husband. And we went on to raise two children that he had from a previous marriage, where their mother had left and, and we raised to have our own children and and I thought, okay, great, everything is good. And then things didn’t go so well. There was a lot of gaslighting there was a lot of I told you that when I was like, did you, I can’t remember. I’m really, and I really genuinely did start to think I was losing my mind.
And I felt that too.
And I just, I just couldn’t I and I, when I came back to the UK, after beginning, I was repatriated back to the UK in the in the mid 90s. I, I had children, and I beautifully compartmentalized everything. So I’ve got my I loved raising children. So I had my children that was all organized. I had my business, which I didn’t start at have happened by accident, because I have been head of training for a major international airline. And so a couple of companies. One of them has a very famous mouse as their mascot. You know, it’s like they said, Oh, will you come and do some work for us now? Yeah.
Okay, great. And so I, I, and then I’ve met, and that was over 25 years ago. So I’ve never, I just my business kind of grew. And so I’ve traveled all over the world. And I, I had a wonderful time, because I had my own business. I had other trainers working for me. So I was able to look after my children have all the time I wanted with them. I was at all the school concerts, and I worked my own hours. And I you know, it was just a beautiful balance. It was a very lucrative thing to do. And it was great. And departments really, and that’s really important as a woman to be able to have that flexibility to be able to be there for their kids. I Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I didn’t, I didn’t want to be I wish I had wanted to stay at home. But I didn’t want to. And I I needed to be but I didn’t want to miss out on anything that my children did not not not an after school game, not something on the weekend, not anything. And I I was able to move it around and clients and say, When are you available? And I would give them my availability based on their school calendar, you know, right, right.
And mine. Yeah, well, well, I’ll come back to that. And mine, because I didn’t really have one. So what I didn’t realize is there I am, I’m trying to make my marriage work and then starting to think of losing the plot. I got my my children and I’m, you know, looking after that, and I was involved in literally everything. And then you know, and I had my community, I volunteered at a local rugby club for children, because I think it’s that sport where it’s inclusive and supportive is important. So I did all these different things. And I had all these little boxes, and I controlled the ball. And I didn’t realize that I didn’t have one for me, like I did, but I didn’t, I was okay. It’s not that important. I’m happy, it’s fine. And what I found out during the pandemic, or actually probably the year before in 2019, is that the reason why I kept so busy is because it meant that I didn’t ever have to ask the question, how do I feel?
Isn’t that the truth? Like we should be actually listeners? We’re going to be silent for one minute. We’re going to really bring this into our heads because do we when we’re getting into a marriage or a relationship do we do we? We forget about ourselves? Yeah, yeah. It’s true.
Shift happens when …. And when we’re trying to make everybody else happy, then we can say well, you know, my my children being happy made me happy. My business going well make me happy. My marriage is going well make me happy. But then what do I do for me? Right
And how do I feel?
I did I say, I just went, I got a little bit of space on a Saturday. I’ll fill that up too. Yeah. So that I didn’t, I was never still. And I thought I’m an extrovert. I have lots of energy, I draw energy from others. I mean, this is what I do in my in my trading businesses, is help people understand personal awareness and preferences and connecting with others who have different preferences and all that stuff. So I knew I know, the Carl Jung stuff deeply. And I still ignored it. Because I thought, well, I’m an extrovert. That’s why That’s why I’m always busy.
Yeah, making excuses for ourselves, and so many, just like we make excuses for our spouse or partner to, you know, he’s talking like that because of this, or he’s acting like that because of this, or,
yeah. Well, so then I, he, in his late 40s, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Well, it wasn’t diagnosed, then he started to show symptoms then, and we couldn’t get a diagnosis. And I became quite aggressive about it, because the National Health Service in the UK is wonderful on some hands, but not not for anything that is out of the norm. You’re supposed to be over 65 Before you can have that assessment, all this criteria, and he couldn’t possibly have dementia. He’s too young. And, and so. So I went to a clinical trial with a private pharma company, and they did the assessment and said, yep, yep. Wow. So we knew his mother died of Alzheimer’s. And we knew during that time, as well, so he had to watch her in the same condition that he was heading into, which was difficult. And he, we knew that’s where this was headed. And you would think that we would have planned everything, right. But he, I, I could have never been able to work out I’ll never, never will be able to work out where the gaslighting ended and where the dementia kicked in, and what and where the things were. So he had a lot of things. He just unfortunately did the accounting for my business. Oh, okay. So auntie, Auntie did everything is you’re supposed to he had passwords, individual passwords for each thing, which he never wrote down. There. So what happens when you get dementia and you forget all those passwords? So there are things now to just over two years later that I still can’t access?
Oh, my goodness, I’m sorry. Yeah, it’s a huge mess. There are all kinds of external drives. I can’t get into them. I can’t Yeah. So I couldn’t even get to things like the accounts package, you know. So that’s why I’m so excited by the backup plan. You know, it just it just was it? Yeah, it is. And I don’t I don’t know, he went downhill very, very quickly, when I mean, much quicker than anyone, would it be expected?
Shift happens when …. I think I’ve heard that before with Alzheimer’s or dementia. If you get it, the younger you are, the faster it moves. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I mean, it’s it’s about the plaque on your brain. And he tried different interventions through the drug trials. And there are some some exciting ideas that are that are coming up. But but the it, I guess, the plaque on your brain as it spreads it, you know, shuts down your neural pathways, and how that’s going to go is anybody’s guess. Right? So so for some conditions, you wouldn’t be able to, you wouldn’t you wouldn’t recognize people that you would have known before. That never happened for him. But he could no, this is my son, and this is my daughter, but he would say have you two met? Like he couldn’t make that relationship? So So you just never know how that plaque is going to spread? Like, where is it? Which part which neural pathways is affecting? And then how is it expanding? You know, so. So we didn’t expect it to be that fast. I don’t think the outcome would have been any better in terms of me being equipped with all the information I needed, before he passed away. But during that same time, I also my youngest, who’s now 20, was leaving for university. And I had diagnosed breast cancer. And I had to leave my home because I couldn’t stay in that home. Partly, I mean, partly now looking back, I think, Well, I would have been crazy to have a great big family home anyway, because, you know, my children weren’t there. But I the time I was very angry that I had to leave because of the financial mess that he had left me and I couldn’t find the funds and I couldn’t do anything.
So I had to move and while I was moving, and it’s a big it’s a big thing if you’ve got lots of children and then and then They and then they left home to downsize. Really big move, I had to get rid of at least 60% of my stuff. So yeah, two shifts, you had a shift with your husband leaving and a shift with your kids leaving home?
Yeah, so you you had each other. Yeah, wow. And then later, I had to leave my home and move somewhere somewhere smaller. So I had to get rid of things and move it, and I got into a car accident, and I had spine and neck injuries. So and I still haven’t had the query, I still at this point, haven’t had the nuclear for my breast cancer. So. So there’s lots of plates spinning at this point. And, and, and I couldn’t work. And each time I tried to go back to work, I couldn’t work and because something else would happen, and something else would happen. And, and in that, you know, I’m sort of running down my businesses and closing down some of the tenders and you know, doing whatever I can to plug holes. And it just that the whole thing started to come together in January 2020. And six weeks later, like magic, it all shut down again. And of course, my business is a global business. So and it’s not just a zoom business, I run large conferences, so I rely on on being able to travel, and lots of people in a room together. So so that changed everything you know, and if people didn’t pivot to zoom or like overnight, not No, not in the end, if they did, it was more of like a more of a a web chat. It wasn’t you know, dynamic training with rooms and all kinds of things. Not it wasn’t ready yet. And so I started competence to cabaret with a friend because well, I spent a few months decompressing and learning how to use introverted energy, which is not my thing. Or was it? And so that was a very steep learning curve, because I draw energy from others. And then all of a sudden now see here I am teen I’m like, How do you feel? Because I can’t You can’t run from it when you’re locked in your home?
No. Wind, when did your house How long did he have have this on yourself?
Shift happens when …. So he so he had it for? A so he he had it from from when we first suspected it until he passed away? It was nearly 10 years. Wow. But I was a full time career of his for the last year and a half to two years somewhere in there, where he couldn’t, he couldn’t manage on his own he had to have so I could go away for like a day of work. And then I would come back. But I never knew what I was going to face. I mean that so so here’s somebody who has it all figured out, apparently, and I’ve got my children around and then sorted and my business is all sorted. And even at this stage, now I’m even trying to control all these things with my, with my late husband, and you know, everything’s sorted, his meals are ready, so I can go to work. And so, you know, everything is I can just control my way through all of these things.
Where on earth would you find time for yourself with all of that?
Well, I was really good at pretending like I you know, people, you know, people talk about mental health and they and they talk about, you know, people who maybe are quiet or people who don’t seem to be themselves. But I was really good at masking all of that. Right? Like, I was not okay, but I mean, I’m fine. Because in order for me to tell you that I’m not okay. It has to come through me. And I wasn’t willing to accept it for myself. I wasn’t willing to tell myself that. So I couldn’t tell anybody else that I couldn’t accept any help. Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t acknowledge that I needed help. There was just no way it was so tightly wrapped and shoved beautifully down at every corner inside me
into every toll. Yeah. Every little space. Yep. And it was all beautifully wrapped up in even a man Mike got into my car accident was like fine. That’s okay, we got this old compartment. This is perfect. Like a little compartment for that too. And then and then all these labels that you give yourself a wife and mother, a carer and all these things. All within three weeks just went poof, gone. Oh, went to pot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, join the club.
And it, it it. You can’t see that stuff coming. Like I mean, you just can’t you and certainly not the timing. Like I think I you know, I could have seen where it was headed with what I couldn’t see is the mess that he’d made of the accounts for a decade that I didn’t because we didn’t know how bad it was you we couldn’t we just couldn’t see it. And then and then it became very clear, but then it was too late. But you know, it’s you the rest of the stuff you can I mean, I mean you can know really Because hopefully your children are healthy and strong enough to be able to go off on their own and you see that coming, you should be able to write, we just like to deny that, right? Because suits us to have this other narrative where they’re going to be with us forever, and it’s all gonna be happy families, but and then, you know, and then you’re like, now Okay, so, so understand cancer, but you know, that’s not going to happen to me, right? And yet, and yet it did and, and I, I knew I had it. I, I insisted on a mammogram, I didn’t. I didn’t wait until I got it. And then they found it. I approached them. And they said, I did I knew, I knew I knew. And I they were saying, Well, you know, this is ridiculous. And I found the hospital and said, and they said, Now we can’t do that. And I said, look, they said, you don’t qualify yet. You know, you’re too young for this. So. So I said, Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen, you’re gonna put me through to somebody who can authorize this, because I’m telling you now I need to find this. And they did mammogram because they found it. And within a week I was in surgery. So that worked out well.
Well, it did, it did. And that, and that’s that, that that’s that listening to your body piece, you know, really less than knowing your body and I, I have underactive thyroid. So I’m used to the, I have a lot of symptoms from it. And I’m used to feeling those things. My thyroid is not right, because my hair is falling out, or I’m, you know, or my skin is mine. I’m not sleeping. And so I really listen to my body. I’d say more than I do now. Like, I don’t think I do so well now, but I’m focusing on other things right now. Like, like being allow allowing myself to be vulnerable, and allowing myself to let those things out. And allowing those to recognize the triggers. And to be able to breathe through those and let them happen and let them pass. Because there was nothing right. I was I was like, A, I was like a dam like stuff would come in, shove it down. Nothing’s getting past this.
Shift happens when …. Yeah. How do you find to be able to release that though? I mean, it, it’s, it’s easier now. Mostly because I recognize when I when I have a feeling, I don’t shove it down. So I did not cry. Until my husband passed away. Two years ago, I did not cry. Throughout my entire adult life. I was really good at pretending I was everything was great. Because it was like permafrost. But it also it means that you don’t when you have that, it means that you don’t feel. And it’s not just you don’t feel the bad stuff. You don’t feel period. No. So, so allowing the feelings to come out, allowing things to flow in and acknowledge them and say, This is how I’m feeling. And not judging those feelings and not saying I feel bad or, you know, want to feel like this. But just to feel it and go, Okay, oh, I feel that in my chest. That doesn’t feel so good. How can I send energy there? How can I breathe through that? How can I allow that. So that relief, so that it’ll carry out like a flow like a stream I always pictured as like a stream that’s come in, and then I can let it go past. But if you stop it and try and deny it or or change it or in some way, fight it or hide it. It comes out comes out somewhere.
Yeah. Has to. Yeah, it does. You can’t it can’t stay in there forever. You know, and unless you have like a heart attack or, you know, to me like something will happen to let that out. Yeah, somewhere along the lives. Something will shut down. It has to it does. Yeah. So, so I so how I do it is I acknowledge it. And I let and I let myself feel that. And I give myself time. And I still go, oh, let me just crunch that down a little bit. And then I know I can’t I don’t want it inside me. I don’t want this. It’s toxic. I don’t want it.
I guess once you start experiencing that release, you probably are able to do more. But it’s that first experience, right? Because we don’t want to feel it. No, no, nobody wants to if 2020 didn’t happen, I wouldn’t let that happen. It’s only because I was locked in that I had nothing else to do. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s like I couldn’t be with people and I couldn’t. I couldn’t do my usual things. And I did online classes and all kinds of 10 to 15 online classes a week and it was ridiculous. So you know, so I did try and keep busy but he couldn’t be busy all the time in your home. Kitchen I did. I did all these different things and you still can’t fill up all your time.
No. And, and it’s your the universe is making me reflect on yourself, I guess so to speak.
Yeah. Well, it is. It’s asking you to, it’s giving you the opportunity to. And, you know, you can ignore that stuff because I did for decades. Yeah. But, you know, sooner or later, it is going to hit you on the head.
I have a very good friend whose husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, but it took her quite a while to also get that started. He was in car sales and very top top salesperson in the luxury car business. But she started finding things slowly and was questioning them. Is that how you started realizing that something’s shifting with him?
Yeah, yeah, very much so. And he would we would have conversations and you know, I would I there would be other people. And he would say something. And then a few minutes later, he said, and so that we don’t go, but you did. And it was always such a relief when other people who heard that as well, because I think otherwise, I would have thought it was me.
Isn’t that true? Yeah.
And there was that, you know, there was a lot of controlling behaviors, and there was a lot of gaslighting stuff anyway of you know, you know, I would say this how I feel? And he’d say, No, you don’t and then I go, Okay, no, I don’t push that in, you know. So there was a lot of that pattern anyway. So I think that made it even harder, because you realize it, yeah, because some of it was out of his nature to do those things anyway. So it wasn’t like he just completely changed it. There was some there was some minor things that were like, Yeah, but even for you, this is not, this is not usual. You know, how long do you think it took him to? Do you think he realized it at some point? Well, Sarah, like, Yeah,
I think I think he realized it after about, I mean, he had his diagnosis. And then I’d say about four months later, his his mother passed away, and she was in, in end of life care for five days on, you know, just just, you know, an IV and nothing else, you know, like, just just kind of, you know, palliative care. And he had to watch that. And he, and that’s when he went, Ah, this is gonna be me.
Huh. And how many years was that, from that point?
It was about four years from that point.
So it was quite slow moving. At the beginning, it was at the beginning. And then, and then just, it’s, you know, I think my children were home for Christmas. And then they came back for Easter. And they and they just were like, what happened?
Oh, like, it just changed totally, very, very quickly.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz we talked about, you know, what kind of things would be helpful, and maybe she’d have a dog and maybe she said, he’d have a routine, and you’d have, you know, something to care for, and so on. And, you know, but by the time we even just discussed it made that decision, it was too late. He couldn’t have done it.
It’s pretty hard then with your backup plan to try to find that moment where someone shifts to get your stuff organized. With that person. Right. Yeah. I mean, because it’s so slow going, that by the time it reaches the point, it’s too late.
Yeah. Yeah. So I did. And maybe you consider a sneaky I don’t know. But before when I knew that he had Alzheimer’s, and, and, and yet he hadn’t had a diagnosis yet. We, I went and we did our will. And we did our power of attorney. And I left my power of attorney to to, to my children, and he left his power of attorney to me and one of one of our children. So so that that was that helped. That helped. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, yeah. And you know, I mean, we had been with with my mother in law we had been through we have Court of Protection here. And I never wanted to go through that again. That was her rendus when you can that was hours and hours and hours of paperwork and lawyers and and then months of waiting for the court. And then we were just you know, we were custodians of it. So we couldn’t make any decision. We didn’t get to decide what home she went into. They decided that we carried that out and, and I was and I would say Nope, that’s not how this is gonna go down because I actually believe that he would go to home and for a long time, you know, so. So I wanted to be able to make those decisions and and, and I knew what he would want. So there was no way I was going on the court protection route. So not not when you consider we could go to a lawyer’s for 15 minutes and sign up, you know, a few 100 bucks, and then it’s done. Right. And this cost 1000s. And months, it was never doing that again.
Shift happens when …. Well, and it’s, it might be called something different in every country, but it’s not the same. It’s yeah, every country, it’s very, very similar. Yeah. And I tell people, if you, even for people who don’t have anything, even that they say, Well, I don’t have anything anyways, what do I need to get prepared? No, you have lots of things, especially how you want things to go down when things aren’t working. So that alone is important.
Absolutely, we didn’t we didn’t get to decide when my my mother in law went on palliative care. That was decided by the doctors in conjunction with the court. We had to carry it out or be involved. But we didn’t get to make this decision. We didn’t decide what home she went into. We didn’t decide, you know, anything until obviously, then the will kicks in. And she had a well, so you know, we were able to follow that through. But yeah, but even with a will. I mean, you know, if you don’t have that, then, I mean, you might think I don’t have anything like you say but but like even even like, how do you want it to go down in terms of, you know, what do you want your family to do? Or not do? Or, you know, how do you want that to be you know, and also, there was a huge burden, because he didn’t plan his funeral or his service. There was a major thing my parents planned, you know, they’re, they’re more or less their funeral. You know, they chose things that meant something to them. Right. But when my late husband passed, in his will he hadn’t done anything like that. So we had to choose music. We had to choose, you know, words, we had to choose words we had to choose? Yes. And an editor distressing time, that’s the last thing you want to be going through?
Yes, absolutely. Because your mind I tell people, when something happens, even if you’re prepared for it, you know, like, you know, your mom isn’t doing well or is been an ICU or is in a hospice, like, you know, it doesn’t matter. Yeah. When the time comes, your brain leaves your body, I swear. Yes. Like, it doesn’t belong to you anymore. And you cannot think clearly at all.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s so important, you know, even not to, to burden your family or your friends or whoever, cuz someone’s going to be looking at things. You know, my, my father is on Vancouver Island. And he’s on his own there. He’s got no family there is my brothers in Calgary, and, and I’m in the UK, so, so there will be friends that will have to even like collecting his belongings and things. And so he’s planning all of that, you know, he’s sort of saying, okay, I’d like the furniture to go to Heather and I’d like you know, you know, I’d like this particular friend who’s going to help us out and do all the things you can have this and you know, he’s he’s really thinking about those plans so that we don’t all go, What the hell are we doing? You know, yeah, yeah.
And that’s beautiful. Because men, particularly at any age, they don’t think anything will happen. Yeah, they’re, they’re all Superman. Yeah. Yeah. And I think because my dad got a bit stuffed by, by, you know, his parents and grandparents and things not doing any plans. I think that he’s learned his lesson that helped. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people don’t learn the lesson. They keep repeating it. And that’s nice that your dad did.
Yeah, absolutely. But isn’t that true of us all, though, don’t we all have lessons where we keep repeating the same things until we learn the lessons and that’s why I started with, you know, kind of the programming when in my story, it’s like, I was taught those lessons, and that’s what I believed to be true. And it’s only recently that I started questioning them or going. Yeah, if I’d have questioned that 30 years ago, and a lot of stuff wouldn’t have gone down that I wasn’t too happy with. Yeah, I had those same thoughts.
Shift happens when …. You know, and I, I see how I ended up in both of my marriages and I see how I made those choices. And I and I, I can, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on that and thinking, okay, that comes from my belief of So where does that belief come from? Is it true, and bottoming that stuff out and really doing that work? And that’s where, you know, 2020 has been a gift in many ways for me, because you know, that that afforded me that time that I never would have wanted to take unless I had a heart attack or something laid me out, you know, right. Something hit you over the head and said, You’re going to look at this.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that’s this, you know, I started cabaret, about four and a half years ago, I woke up one morning, she was in Vancouver, and I woke up one morning, and, and I, and I didn’t even know what this was. But I said, I need to do cabaret. And I said to my friend there to do cabaret, she said, What the hell is that? I don’t know. But that’s a weird, I woke up with this knowing that I need to do this. So I had to go and find out what it was. I still I my friend was like, You’re crazy, I can’t believe you’re gonna do this. And I looked up where I could do it more I could do classes or you know, or I could do like dance. And you know, because Cabaret is dance or singing, which I was never gonna be singing, or it’s, you know, comedy, or anything that’s kind of vaudeville or anything that’s kind of stage and it was really just, you know, comedians all started in a cabaret kind of environment, right? Because they all started little venues, until they get big and go to the Comedy Store and things, you know, they all started these little clubs and things. And that’s, that’s all kind of related to the cabaret world, but so I looked it up. And there was a taster session as soon as I got back from Canada, in the next city over because I didn’t want to go to my city because I was like, Oh, I might see somebody I know. I don’t like this is ridiculous. And I keep feeling
like I need to do this. It must I know.
I didn’t want to do it. But I did it anyway, because I needed to figure out why. Where is this knowing coming from? And I that we had to do like a body tracing exercise where you put one arm out and you take your other arm and if your hand touching your arm, right, you just doing that? And I wanted to be sick. I was like, I can’t I’m sorry, I can’t do this. And they were like, Oh, do this and I was like No, no no, can’t do this. This is not okay. I’m not I don’t know why it’s not it’s not there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s ridiculous. It’s because it was because it was so ridiculous. I had to sign up for the classes because it made no sense to me. And what I didn’t realize because I was hiding in plain sight and because I was you know keeping so busy and not not letting anybody you know not questioning how happy I was I run big conferences for corporations.
So I am like Tony Robbins I’m all over the room and so I’m I am big energy sucked me because I didn’t really pay any attention. I didn’t look after me. I was very small as loud in my work but I was very small and that’s what I had to explore was that what is going on? Like who am I? And what is my reluctance to take up space and own it and hold it because my work persona I can do this. I can do this all day. I could project my voice I could do all the things but for somebody to see me I’m not saying I was faking it, I just had a persona like we all have different personas, right? And we were talking about like social media and you know some of us have to have a perfect picture to post or have to have the perfect words before or post or whatever and you know and not so that I just had this work persona that I was really good at and I use that everywhere. And I still can do that. But it’s not me it’s not it’s not vulnerable me it’s not accessible me so that really triggered by touching your arm or whatever. Yeah, it that triggered that it’s me.
Yeah, this is me you’re touching Yeah, this is me. This is me. Oh, I don’t like this. This is not okay. Because now I’m seeing me if you look in the mirror like try and do this if you’ve never done this before.
This is such a useful exercise. It just try and look in the mirror even for 30 seconds. That’s hard enough. She can if that’s easy, then do it for a minute and see yourself not like smudges and not like you know brushing your teeth and checking your mascara or whatever but actually look at you actually see yourself it’s hard to do So I went to the second class, and everybody there said, were very surprised to see you because you’d look so uncomfortable. I said, why I’m here. That’s why I’m here. And it was hard to do. And I learned to take up space. And I learned to own space. And I learned to perform. And I learned and I, I learned to express my stories and share my narrative. And slowly, slowly, it started to kind of unlock some of the things which was really, just so powerful. And that’s why that’s when we talk about conferences, every we don’t, we don’t teach cabaret we we talk about the tools of that enable us to own our space, take up space, it’s not only women, but it’s like pretty much any woman. At some point. They’ll hit a point when they’ll say, Oh, I know what you mean by not taking up space. And, and, you know, it’s there are plenty of men that feel the same way as well. But it is most women and boys.
I think the masks didn’t help the situation for them. Yeah. Yeah.
Because we I find you can go into a store and you can feel almost invisible. With putting on a mask. Yeah. So that I’m sure that hasn’t helped a lot of different people with those issues.
Yeah, absolutely. And, and yet, for other people, it’s made them possibly more comfortable, because they didn’t want to be seen in the first place. But like, what is what is the point of being here? And having this life and not expressing? I mean, our bodies are here to, to express them to us and to you know, yeah. Some of us have more limitations than others with our bodies, or with our mental health. But there are, there’s so much we can do. Why would we want to limit that? And I think for a lot of us, if we put on a mask, then we’re like, Oh, good. I didn’t want to be silly, anyway. Yeah, yeah. But even as an extrovert, even though I don’t mind, I’m quite happy to chat to everybody and make eye contact and stuff. I am finding that when I put the mask on, I make a lot less eye contact now. Now I’m just more concentrating on Where is everybody? And how do I get past and through and not go near anybody?
Right, instead of looking around at a different perspective?
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess it’ll be a long time before we make eye contact.
Yes, I know, I tried to make well, a little boy was making eye contact with me at the store one day. And I felt so bad because I was smiling and talking to him. But I felt so bad because he couldn’t see me smiling. So I tried to do it with my eyes. But yeah, and I guess, you know, if you’re a child during this, then there are a lot of social cues that you’re not, you’re not getting, because, you know, the, the social cues are going to be different now. Yeah.
Yeah. It’s gonna affect all of us at different.
Yeah, language development, all of those kinds of things. Yeah. And then, and then at the other end, you know, there’s an awful lot of people who are who are elderly or vulnerable, who are deeply lonely. You know, I try and talk to my dad on on FaceTime two or three times a week, if I can, if the if it’s, if it’s senior, so we’ll set it up, because otherwise he doesn’t see anybody. Yeah, no. Yeah, very lonely.
It’s very, very lonely. You know, and, and I think, you know, being being trapped in our own presence is just so difficult.
Did Now we talked about Alzheimer’s, we talked about your husband. What impact about the cancer part? What part? Is that struggle for you? Yeah, I mean, I, I still haven’t ever really gotten to the bottom of that. In terms of a I mean, it certainly makes you more grateful. And I had that before I started cabaret. So so and what I love about Cabaret is that is for every body, every body, it it’s not for a certain kind of body. It’s for everybody. And so I think having had breast cancer made me more appreciative of my body. I think it made me sort of stop saying, Oh, shut up about your thighs. Heather. Just enjoy the fact that you can still move and you can still express and you can still do Enjoy and, and socialize them and all of these things that that we take for granted.
Yeah. I think because I even know there was an inner knowing. And because I listened to that, and I phoned my doctor and they said, man, you’re too young. And I said, Look, we’re going to need to talk about this tomorrow. And then they said, Okay, well, you put in the hospital and see, but they’re not going to do it. So then I phoned, and then I could told you I push to push and push, and then and then I, they found it. And in fact, when they told me, they said, You know, I had to go back in for more more tests within a couple of days. And when they told me then they had a beautiful Chancellor nurse who sits in a room with you for an hour. And I kept saying, this wasn’t a surprise to me, like I, like, you know, I’ve known for a week.
So I’m kind of ready for this, like, I’m really ready for this. Can we just, like do the surgery? And shooting well, it’s gonna hit you. It never did. It never did. Because I never associated it as something wrong with me. I associated as there’s a foreign thing in my body, and I want to take an out. And yeah, yeah. And so that’s quite different to feeling like, you know, we’re where I do something wrong with us, or, you know, we’re defective in some way or, you know, I have this this sickness, I never saw it like that it was kind of like this. So disease is just a dis ease, right? So it’s a non ease. So it was like, Okay, so I’ve got this thing, and you need to take it out. And now I don’t have it anymore. Right.
Right. That’s a great way of looking at it, actually. Because we get tied up in the why why did it happen to me? Why, why? And that’s just bringing all of that energy down.
It is. And I think, you know, we can go, Look, I’m, I’m I was lucky. I’m, I had a mammogram last week, I’m fully expecting that that’s gonna come back clear. And, you know, I’m regularly monitored. But I, I know, there are people who don’t get off that easily. I truly understand that. In fact, there are many of them in the in the board with me. But I, I think that how we think about things can enable us or disable us. And it’s so hard when we get into that victim mode, and we’re going in a downward spiral, to Oh, and there’s another thing and there’s another thing, and there’s another thing, and I just refused to because if I tallied up all this stuff, I would have fallen apart. But it was like, Okay, so I’m dealing with this. And my compartmentalizing and control was, was my undoing in lots of ways. But it was also my, my, you know, setting boundaries and knowing, you know, like, this is, this is just, it’s a, it’s something that’s happening for now. Let’s get rid of that. And then that’s, and then let’s deal with the next thing, you know, right. And so So, you know, I guess for all those things that were coming up, my being so busy, was a blessing. And that’s, I guess, when I decided, sorry, when I decided that I needed to do cabaret, then that was afterwards. And that was kind of like, why would I not be celebrating my body? Why would they not be moving and taking up space? And what this is crazy, you know, and so my doing?
I really liked what you said about confidence recovery with putting the three things in boxes. Do you want to get over those three things? Because I liked it, how it wasn’t just one item, it’s pulling it out and put it three things separating them. Yeah. And, and actually looking at them.
Yeah, so I think, you know, a confidence is one of the things that ebbs and flows, you know, it’s not something where you go to the cat, the confidence store, and you get it and then you’ve got it, it comes and goes, right. It’s just, it’s just how that goes. And so and so, you know, having momentum is is is a great way of building confidence, but it’s never gonna stay. It’s not permanent, you know, and so, so we have different parts of our lives. And we made you know, a lot of times people will talk about, you know, this kind of categories and whatever I made them lifelines. It’s like in your life, you have your personal life. You have your work life, and you have your stage life wherever your stage is, you know, whether that’s a Facebook account or a podcast or whatever your stage is. And so you you might have a lot of confidence in some parts of your life like you might feel really comfortable on social media and you might feel really comfortable in your Life, but not so comfortable in your work life. You know, you don’t want to do a presentation and you don’t feel you maybe your imposter syndrome is kicking off and sort of saying to you, you know, you, you really Who are you to be speaking or what do you know? So, so that’s the bit that you want to focus. And I always say, start from where you’re strong. Right? Find your strength and build from there. Because if you try and build from place a deficit, it’s going to fall in. So so if your strength is I feel good in my personal life. I know where I am with my family and my friends. I get that competence there. But as soon as I go to my work life, not so much.
Are you feel really good? Really good? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But terrible. Yeah. And their social presence? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I found a lot of women were saying, you know, I know what I’m talking about it work. I’m confident, but it can’t even express it. Like so. So it’s even like they can they can start to brace it. Because it’s not just like, oh, how do I get competition my whole life? It’s like, okay, so I feel I’m good in my personal life. I’m okay, there. I’m okay with my stage life. And I’m not doing so much with that right now. So I’m going to start from where I’m strong. I feel good. I know what I’m doing in my work. I know, I know who I am. I’m qualified. I belong here. And as soon as I speak up, the nobody else is listening. I don’t know how to reach people, I don’t know how to let them know that I know what I’m talking about. And so we can start to kind of like say, Okay, so where are you strong in your work life? And where do you want to be stronger in that work life? And we don’t take on the whole of our world, you know, it’s too much.
Yeah, it is. Especially when you start recognizing it. Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. So, so then, then it’s easy. And this is why it made me laugh when you said of an old style coach, because that’s what I said to you. But it’s true. Because I I’m not I don’t have a coaching program, where I’m going to tell you how you can make 10k months and all that kind of stuff, I don’t have a program, what I have is a really great skill set around helping people figure out what it is that they need, what are the priorities? And how to get those things? Or how to find out how to get those things. So I don’t have all the answers. I don’t I don’t know I, a lot of the people I coach, I don’t know really fully what they do. I don’t need to, but I know that they know. And I can help them figure out from there. And so when I when I when I think about you know, okay, so where do you want to build competency as my work like, Okay, so let’s talk about where are you strong? And then where do you need to go next. And so we do that, and we do challenges, and we do different, different challenges for different things. A lot of women want to feel good in their body, because that affects then their ability to show up and work and feel so comfortable in their clothes. I mean, a lot of us are going to have that question mark when we start going back to the, to the office in the outside world. And so the hiding behind zoo, but you know, like how do I what what makes they want to feel good in their body? Because they feel like that limits them. And then they don’t want to show up in places because they’re uncomfortable. Or so they’re having to put on pants. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That are not leggings are stretchy. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So you know, it’s kind of like a like a breakout. So I so my mindfulness practice is aerial. So I’m an aerial dancer, I do aerial pole, I do aerial hoop, I do aerial silks. And I do a lollipop lira, which is like a pole with a hoop on the top, basically, that spins. And so and so if if you can’t nail a move, like if you can’t do something, let’s say you want to get onto a hoop and we’ve always probably seen other in the circus or on TV or somewhere where you’ve been hoop hanging from the ceiling and you’re trying to get into it, then it’s like, so what, where are you pulling? Where do you need to be pulling? So okay, good. I need to be pulling for my arms and pulling for my arms. Okay, so then what’s next? So we don’t do all the thing all at once, right? We build in little steps. So everybody goes, Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that’s that. Yeah, I understand that. And then we don’t do that in our lives. We just expect that we’re gonna like Master the whole thing. But it’s not different. That’s true. But we don’t want. But we don’t look at it that way. No, no. So tell us.
I can’t I wouldn’t have a clue where to make an app, how to make an app. So I would need to start with questions. That’s because that’s all I got. Is you have all these questions. You know, first of all, how to make an app. And then to understand what cost I don’t even know questions to ask. So then I would have to that would be like, what are my questions? What questions do I need to ask what questions am I not asking? Where can I find out and, and we and then we start to build up right? And then we start to figure those things out?
Kind of like if you had an instructor and they said, Okay, Heather, you’re going to go up that pole, and you’re going to hang on the hoop, and then you’re going to twirl, and then you’re going to come back down the pole, and you’re going to go Tada. Yeah. But you’re looking at that thinking, Okay, how do I do that? How do I accomplish that?
Exactly. And it’s a great analogy, because where you’re strong, if you’re standing at the foot of a pole, I’m looking at my pole right now because of a pole in my in my room. So if you’re standing if you if you want to climb the pole, where are you strong, you’re strong on the floor. So let’s start from the floor. Right? And then let’s go up a little bit. And that might take a little bit time, then then once it gets easy, then we go to the next bit.
Same thing. Yeah, yeah. But we are somewhere was wrong. Right? And we haven’t given ourselves that analogy. So until your tips and tricks today are for our listeners, yes. Yeah. Thank you so much for that. That’s so awesome. And I have to say, I’m so sorry. And I know we’re not supposed to say that to someone, but about your husband that was very, took a lot of courage and bravery for you to come out with, with that whole 10 years of caregiving is, is the hardest task in the whole wide world. And it puts you between a relationship that you see that you’re starting to grieve because it’s no longer there. The person is not the same. They’re no longer there. There’s a whole lot of different feelings that come with that whole journey. And I also want to say I’m sorry for, you know, your your cancer that you’ve had to go through. But I know it’s bringing you to a better place of understanding for for many of these different things that you’ve incurred.
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And it has you’re right, it has, it has given me a lot more understanding. And I think, you know, it doesn’t help when you’re in the, in the middle of it when people think, wow, if it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger. It’s like, yeah, that’s not helpful. But, but but actually, when you come out the other side, it is true. You know, if you let it, you’ll learn so much from it. If you let it, it might, it might not be an obvious lesson, it might just unlock something else that frees you from a weight inside of you. Or it might be that it makes you really question how you’re spending your time. And what really matters, you know, are so many things are who matters,
or who matters. Yes. In your Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that’s really beautiful. Is there anything that you’d like to say for your final messages to our listeners?
Well, I, I guess I just wanted to I know, I know a lot of you, either, you know, will have grown up children or maybe didn’t didn’t have children. But if you have children, and you don’t take care of yourself, you are modeling that behavior for them. So when you say I don’t have time for myself, because I’ve got all my children, I was coaching somebody last week on that, actually. So I’ve got twins and twins never they’re four years old. There’s no time and I said yeah. Do you want them to look after themselves when they’re not? Oh, yes, of course they do. Right. So where do you think they’re going to learn that? Yeah, I know. I have a funny little story quickly. We all those moms out there listening can probably relate to this experience. But I remember one of my daughter’s girlfriends were coming over to the house and I thought they were just dropping her off. And that’s fine for a playdate no big deal one morning, but the mom showed up at the door. And here I am in my flannel, the god awful, flannel pajamas. And you know I have no makeup on I you know you’re just hanging around the house. Not expecting that anything. And here she comes in and I look around the corner and I’m just hiding. Here she is with a black leather jacket on and blacks top pants boots on and her hair just perfect and everything. And I’m like, God damn it. How am I going to get through this and walk up to her with my flannel pajamas on? Where can I hide? And so I’m thinking okay, Hey, how do I get upstairs to change? I have to go by the front door. So my daughter was wondering, well, what are you doing? Mom? What’s your deal? Like? She had no concept. And I said, I can’t go to the front door looking like this. But I did. I did. I owned it. And I’m just like, whatever, it’s my day off, or it’s my morning off or whatever it is. And I can look and feel however I want to look and feel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. We have a rule when we fall off of the one of the aerial apparatuses, we don’t like when I say fall, it’s not. Not all from a height. But yeah, now if you trip or you because we were very high heels as well. So if you trip or you, you know, stumble in some way, then we always just say style it out. So you tripped and you and then you just dial it out. And then you make a good. It’s not it’s that and that’s what you did. You just dialed it out. I’m in my flannel. Hey, I love that.
Maybe I should have been buttoned it down.
But why wouldn’t we style it up? I mean, whatever. Like, yeah, yeah, but that was the first feeling that I had moms have that. I mean, you go to PTA meetings or, or, you know, the school meetings or in any in with all these other moms. Oh, that’s just so hard. So yeah, it’s so hard. And I have very, I’m very good about boundaries. It’s my jam. And I my boundary was I’m not mixing with people at the school gates, unless I choose to, like I’m not feeling obligated. I’m not I’m not concerning myself with you know, I just I just absolutely refuse to do it. And if I didn’t want to do it, I sat in my car until I saw my children come out and then I would go and call them over or whatever, but I just refuse to play the games that that you can get so you can get time into Yeah, yeah sign time. Did you find Berlin burlesque very similar to the cabaret them?
Yeah, so Burlesque is one of the forms of Cabaret. So but burlesque or drag is another one or you know, you might have you know, drag kings and drag queens. You might have you know, people who do lip sing so people who actually sing or it could be any number of things but but Burlesque is my form of Cabaret.
I work aerial or aerial.
Yeah, aerials, be incorporated into cabaret for sure. I don’t perform aerial and burlesque at the same time. I, because I like to work to a narrative, I like to tell a story, and I just, it just hasn’t come out that way. I find Burlesque is just a wonderful way of kind of playing a character I seem to weirdly like all of the the the horrible queens from terrible fairytales and things I like to express all that kind of creepy. You know,
like, seductive about it, I guess there is something seductive about it. And yet, there’s also something taboo about it. Like, we’re not supposed to talk about that stuff. That’s why I love this podcast, because we talked to blue and I just, I love it.
I do too. And I just think we’re rules that we’re not supposed to talk about the dark side. That’s ridiculous.
Why not? It’s life. Absolutely, absolutely. And I’ve learned all kinds of worlds from from the people who who perform in, you know, on poles and things. And, you know, I mean, a pole pole now has become much more mainstream. You know, it’s like a vertical gymnastics. There’s a lot of gymnasts in it, it was supposed to be showcased at the last Olympics last year, but then that, okay, but that will be, you know, it will eventually be an Olympic event, depending on how time works. But yeah, but you know, it is it is so it can be a very athletic thing. But it has its origins in strip clubs, right. So, but that’s a it’s a different kind of pole. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s quite different to being, you know, several meters up to being trying to entice and draw attention to yourself to gather custom, right? That it’s, it’s the same apparatus, just different uses, I guess, if you write it that way. But, but, you know, with things like aerial hoop, I mean, we’ve all seen that in the circus and all kinds of places like that, and, you know, and some people would consider that sexual I don’t, but I you know, that’s, that’s, that’s a different way of expressing things because it’s a different kind of apparatus is rounded. It’s got a hole in the middle.
So it’s a very different way of using your body to use that apparatus. I find them really useful mindful tools, because I’m not good with mindfulness. I can’t like sit and be in the moment. I tried the mindful timers, I think they’re all wonderful things. They’re just not for me. I’m just too busy. So when I, when I am in an aerial apparatus, or skiing is another really good mindful thing as well. You know, if you, if you, if you’re skiing and you start focusing on something else you will fall. It’s the same on an aerial thing. If you are not fully in that moment fully engaged in what you’re doing and where your body is, and what position you’re in, and all the things if you forget one of the things because you’re watching who came through the door, or whose phone in you that you fall?
Oh, it’s the same for hitting in baseball and softball? Yeah. Because if you worry about how good the pitcher is, or worry about how good the third baseman is, and she’s going to get your hit, or worry that you can’t run to first or worry about anything, you’re not focused and you’re not present in the moment to, to, to keep concentrated on what your job at hand is. Yeah. And that’s to hit the ball.
Yeah. So yeah, it’s and where focus goes energy flows, right? So if you’re focusing on the third baseman, you’re not focusing on the pitch, and then you’re gonna miss or right, or something else. Yeah. Yeah, that’s really true.
I heard that a lot with the girls in the dugout, oh, my God, they changed the pitcher. And she’s so fast. And she’s so good. Oh, my God, what are we going to do? You’re going to do the exact same thing? Because you’re better than the pitcher.
Yeah. Yeah. And what you tell yourself is really true. Yeah. And you asked me a few minutes ago about what your what you know, if there was anything else that I wanted to share, my favorite lesson of all, is control the controllable that has saved me all the way through my life. All those things, the only thing that I could do was focus on what I can do. Oh, that’s beautiful. And you got to let the rest go. We should do a little quote for that.
Yeah. Control the controllables. is, you know, if there’s so many things, and what if, and what if, and what well, can you control that? No, well, then let it go. Like you do what you can to control what you can, if, you know, if you you know, the there’s all these what, so when I was pregnant with my youngest, my late husband was in the hospital, we were transiting from Vancouver through Seattle to the UK, he got pancreatitis, and I ended up in the hospital for three months in Seattle. I was pregnant, I couldn’t stay, because travel restrictions and insurance and all kinds of things. And the Americans don’t like it if you stay there and have babies and so so I had to leave. And and I had just moved house. I had never been to the house. So the move happened the night before the night the night before we were leaving for Canada. And I had never been to I’d seen pictures of it because I was traveling a lot at the time.
So I’d seen pictures of it and sort of said yeah, like to tell us good, we’ll have the sounds great. And then the movers moved us to a whole other part of the country. Like Like I knew nobody in that place. And I didn’t know how to get there. And I didn’t know what the children’s school was. And I didn’t know I couldn’t do anything and the whole the all the furniture wasn’t built I was sleeping on the floor on a mattress I was eight months pregnant was ridiculous. And all this kept going on and the middle of the night because Seattle’s eight hours behind the UK so I had to keep I had to keep talking to the surgeons and all kinds of people in the middle of the night and then I was trying to work and it was insane. I don’t I still don’t know i My children were being farmed out to people I didn’t even know like other parents in their class like great your kid in class of mine. Great. Can you have my child overnight because I need to do this work. And it was it was horrendous. And and all that that was the moment I had taught the control the controllables for a long long time. But that was the moment when I went oh yeah, this I need to live this and it saved me because I couldn’t control so many things and you could become a victim by going didn’t get this notion this but actually what I can do is and as soon as your take back that I can do then your solar challenger soon as you take back the can do you can do. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. let the rest go. Sounds like you had chaos. It was chaos.
It was beyond chaos. Yeah, it was crazy. But but you know what, if you if you if you let the rest go like Oh But what if he dies? And what if? What if I go into labor early and while there for what? Like, okay, but I can’t control those things. What I can do is be prepared. Yeah, what I can do is, you know, ask for help, but I can do is, you know, good enough
to get more knowledge on our dress. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that’s a that’s awesome.
Yeah, thank you, Heather, thank you so very much. I, um, you know, listeners join us for real enroll conversations each and every week, because it’s people like Heather that can bring us some insight with her journey, how she’s learned these lessons for all of us to appreciate and it took a lot of courage and bravery and, and, and learning for herself to be able to bring this and guide us to listen and hear what she has to say. And her story is just beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks, Heather. It’s a pleasure.
Thank you so very much and thank you to my German listeners ! Thank you very, very much for coming out today. And, and hearing this, because it doesn’t matter what country you’re in people. It’s it’s, you know, be prepared for the unexpected, because it doesn’t matter where you are, it doesn’t matter what age you are. It has no color reference to it. It has no gender, it, the storms, we have to learn to manage can come our way. prepare for the unexpected. And I always end our podcast with wonderful Carol Burnett because she was so dear to all of us, a true comedian, a true believer of women as well, I think and a true. Make your life fun. So I’m so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems we just get started. And before you know what comes a time, we have to say so long. So so long, everyone. Thank you, Heather again for coming to our show. I truly appreciate it. I thank you so very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure to have you want Heather.
Thank you again. Such a pleasure.
And thank you listeners. Thanks for the show today. Until next one. Stay safe.
Till next time, Bye
Stay Safe – Be Kind til next time!
Heather Jean is the co-pioneer of Confidence Through Cabaret. On her personal journey, she has been through so many experiences and pathways, owning a successful global training and coaching consultancy for 25 years, specializing in developing confidence, communication, self-awareness and interpersonal skills. It hasn’t always been easy or fulfilling, in fact, many times she felt small, alone and at times even like an imposter. Can you relate to some of these experiences? When she discovered cabaret and the amazing tools this vibrant arena has to offer, it changed everything. Her mission is to inspire and illuminate your journey towards greater confidence throughout your life. Connect with Heather!
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