“The more obstacles I overcome, the stronger I become”, Gracie Alvarez- I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!
Deborah Atella is a certified life coach, meditation teacher and Reiki master.
She hosts the aTELLa LIKE IT IS podcast and created the Sisterhood of What Next?! Facebook group. Deborah is the author of the international best selling book, Is This Job My Jam?
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- The Guide For Grown ups Who Still Don’t Know What They Want To Be. Deborah spent years excelling at jobs that she didn’t love, trying to find work-life balance as a mom and hiding her spiritual gifts. Her pursuit of self ultimately led to clarity, relief and the start of her coaching/healing business. Deborah helps her clients figure out what they really want to do, navigate the issues that arise with making changes and bring more joy into their lives. One of her biggest values is truth so the aTELLa LIKE IT IS podcast focuses on Deborah and her guests telling the true behind the scene stories of their lives, relationships and businesses. As a skillful connector, she brings women together in community in the Sisterhood of What Next Facebook?! Group. Born and raised in Philadelphia, Deborah now lives in the suburbs where she and her handsome husband Jeff raised their 3 now adult children. When she isn’t working she loves going on adventures, cooking giant Italian meals (with gravy, not sauce) resetting at the beach and most of all playing with her grandson!
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I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- Our show today is I’ve got to beat the trauma in my life. Yeah, doesn’t everybody have some trauma, but you just wait. Debra from Philly is gonna tell us a few things about her traumas. And there’s not just one. So stay tuned. My name is Tina, Ginn, if you are new here, welcome to our show. I have TALKING TABOO WITH TINA brought to you from YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP. And we focus on real raw conversations with our listeners about their journey from a life changing event in their life. You know, we have a problem about talking taboo subjects with each and every one even the closest person in our lives. We have difficulty talking taboo subjects with so what is your backup plan app?
Well, YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP puts your life all in one place in case of any unpredictable circumstance while taking that painful aftermath out of the tragedy. And what does that mean? That’s a whole bunch of words wrapped up in a small paragraph. And everybody says, What does that mean, Tina? Well, one thing you can count on is that you are going to die. Yes, we are all going to die. We just don’t know when or how we get sick or disabled, we get injured or we lose everything in a disaster or a tragedy. So be prepared for the unexpected because, you know, we’re not Superman. Don’t take it won’t happen to me, illusion.
Because you know, I see it in the news this week, British Columbia and Washington state in the United States has been plummeted by floods, torrential rains, and we have lost a city in British Columbia, a whole city is underwater, a whole other section of another city is partially underwater. And the sewage plants, of course, are then affected. The water systems are affected. And of course, the power is affected. And people are stranded in their cars for mudslides. We’ve had huge highways, the only basically one of the two highways coming from the big city going to other cities of British Columbia have been torn apart and left. I really don’t know when they’re going to be repaired. So there’s a gas issue because trucks and vehicles cannot get to these other cities, we have grocery problems, because there’s not enough stock, there’s not enough transportation.
So be prepared guys, because we don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring. So on that note, we are going to be launching the emerging blueprint with your backup plan. And that is going to help everybody understand why what and how to get your crap together today, or tomorrow, or this month, or next month, or next year to get it prepared so that you understand what you have and what you don’t have, what coverages you have, what you probably have, but you’re not really sure what it means. We’re going to have worksheets to have those family conversations with either your spouse, partner or family member. We’re going to have a library of videos and interviews, talking to people in the industries in each of the countries eventually that we’re going to start with the United States and Canada. And of course the basics are for everybody around the world. So don’t left out just yet.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- But it will pertain to you. You just have to see what rules are around that section of the of whatever category that you’re looking at, in your city or town or country. So if you are new here, welcome to your backup plan tribe. And I am an Emerging preparedness emerging preparedness coach, a best selling author of in the blink of an eye, because yes, everything happens in the blink of an eye. That’s as fast as it is. You won’t believe it. Everybody doesn’t believe it when it happens to you. I am a financial expert and an app developer of your backup plan app and I’m right here located in beautiful Vancouver BC.
Not so beautiful this past week. But hopefully it will get back on track. I’d like to welcome all of you to our show and those of her repeat sending my love and you know, I wouldn’t be here without you guys. So thank you so very much. Click on that, hit that subscribe button down here in the corner. Thank you so very much. Click on that hit that subscribe button in the corner. I’m apparently live on my phone it just started. Isn’t that freaky? Wow, that is so weird. Anyways, click on the subscribe button down here in the corner. Please do I’d love to have you come on our shows each and every week. I’d like to welcome my United States and Canadian listeners from around the world also, Germany is probably the third highest listening group.
So thank you, my German listeners. I ran Ireland and Sweden are next. And I’ll have to work on those when you guys move up the ladder a little bit. I will have that Irish accent down pat for you by then. And Swedish. I’ll work on that part as well. So welcome. Thank you for coming. Let’s get this party started. Our special guest today is of course Deborah. And she comes to us from beautiful Philadelphia.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – Let’s bring her on. There she is. Hi, Tina. Hi, how are you? I’m awesome. How are you? It’s like it’s sunny there. So that must be good. I have a beautiful little write up here for you that I’m going to introduce you. So here’s Deborah. Deborah Atella is a certified life coach, a meditation teacher and Reiki master, she helps the sorry, I need my glasses. She helps host the Atella like his podcast and created the sisterhood of what next?
In the Facebook group. Deborah is the author of the international best selling book is this job, my jam, the guide for grownups who still don’t know what they want to be. Oh my goodness. Pretty much takes care of everybody. Right? Deborah is born and raised in Philly. Deborah now lives in the suburbs where she and her handsome handsome husband Jeff brace their three now adult children. When she isn’t working, she loves going on adventures cooking giant Italian meals all I’m there with you. With gravy, not sauce, resettling resetting at the beach, and most of all playing with her grandson. And all of her links you will find in the description box down below. So thank you, Deborah, for coming on. I’m so excited for you guys to hear her story. You won’t believe it. You just you you if she laughs about it, because because I can now we can now That’s right. That’s right. So Deborah, tell us all about where this all started for you.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – Well, Tina, thank you for having me here. And you know, I was, of course, you know, backstage listening to your answer when you said about the blink of an eye and people really don’t believe that. That is how quickly your life can change in the blink of an eye in January of 2005. So it was a while ago. I was 36 years old. So do the math. You can figure it out. I am now 36 years old. I had three little kids married happily married and I went To bed healthy, vibrant, just got a new job as a spinning instructor. You know, it was the helping mom at preschool that day cooked dinner for the my husband and the kids. That night, my husband, we were all watching TV in our family room and the kids and I didn’t want to watch what he was watching.
So we went upstairs and four of us crawled in my bed to watch some, you know, kids show, we all fell asleep. At some point in the night, my oldest son made it to his room and my baby girl made it to her room. And my middle guy was so in my bed. And I woke up around two in the morning. And because I always look at the clock, whenever I get up, and I woke up around two in the morning, and I had like some pains in my stomach. So this is a little TMI, but I felt like I had to poop right now. So I go into the bathroom. And that morning, I had actually been to the gynecologist I was going to have I needed a procedure done to my uterus.
And I so I had to have a biopsy done that morning. So it goes into the bathroom and blood came out. And it came out the back and I thought oh, wow, that He nicked something. Why did that just happen? That’s so weird. I honestly was like, I’ll deal with this in the morning, I feel better. I went back to bed. I woke up again, my stomach was still bothering me went back in the bathroom. And the next time I woke up, I remembered I was on the bathroom floor. And there was blood everywhere. And then I woke up again. And I was in the bottom of my shower. I had fallen through the shower doors. And when I woke up on the bottom of the shower with the door laying on top of me John even know how that happens. I realized Oh, I must have passed out. So I threw the shower on and there was just blood everywhere. Tina, I cannot even explain to you the amounts of blood that poured out of my body. And so I threw the shower on to revive myself and wash this blood off. I wrapped myself in a towel. And I just want to say no one in my house woke up. No one. I mean, I fell through the doors. No one hurt me.
Nothing wrong with me they were some sound sleepers might be i i made my My middle child was in my bed and my bedroom and bathroom. Like it’s not big. It’s right there like I could, if I’m in bed, I could like reach my hand around into the bathroom. Like that’s how close it is. So I made it to the top of my steps. But I have a center hall colonial and I went to call out for my husband. And when I went to say his name, it came out in a whisper. And I was shocked. And I was like, Oh, what is happening?
That’s like a nightmare dream. And nightmare dream. 100 You know, when you’re trying to run away from somebody else’s dream or nightmare, and yes, and nothing comes out of your mouth. When when all what the only thing came out was a whisper. And I remember thinking like, oh my god, what is happening? Is this real. And so my oldest son heard me. And I said to him Go get Daddy.
And what I didn’t know was that I was blue. And that my face was cut up and bleeding. So I went and I just sat back in the bottom of the shower because I figured if I’m gonna keep bleeding at least let me keep bleeding in here. Now the thing that was really annoying me was this was January of 2005. I had just had that bathroom remodeled December of 2000 for the contractors left the day before Christmas Eve and all I kept thinking was this couldn’t happen before I remodeled this bathroom. How am I going to clean this up? How can I possibly clean up all this blood? This is disgusting. It’s totally a woman thing. Totally a woman. Right? Now I’m in the bottom of the shower and my husband comes upstairs and he’s like what?
And he was just standing authority looks at me. And now he starts screaming for my son to go get the cordless phone. And I’m like, Who are you calling? And he’s like I’m calling 911 Your blue light here. And then he’s like I’m calling your mother and my best friend because my best friend lives right near us. And I’m like, What do you hold them for? And he’s like, somebody’s got to come stay with these kids. You have to go to the hospital. And I’m all like I’m not going to the hospital and he’s like dead. Just calm down. me while I wasn’t upset. It was 911 comes. No one is listening to me. Tina, when I tell them where the blood is coming from.
Okay, they all assume I’m having like a vaginal hemorrhage and I’m not and they’re not listening to me. Which gi blood is very different than that kind of blood. But in the paramedics, they no one was listening to me. So now they get me together. And they have to take me out on a stretcher in front of my three babies and put me in the ambulance and I have to go to the hospital. By this point, my best friend is there. To stay with the kids, my mother was on her way. And now we go by ambulance to the hospital. And I am like near three hospitals. And I say to them, I don’t want to go to one certain hospital, I want to go to this specific hospital. And they say to me, you’re not going to make it. And I’m like, What do you mean, I’m not going to, of course, I’m going to make talking about making get me to that hospital. Or like, you’re not going to make it to there, we have to go here. So they took me to the middle middle hospital that I really didn’t have any feelings for.
They get me there, they bring me into the emergency department and they put me in a room. And if anyone’s ever been in, like the emergency department of a hospital, it’s not like a private room that you go to, but I was in this weird, private room. Okay. And doctors, nurses in and out, in and out. And so then after a little while being in there, the doctor comes back in and he says to me and my husband, we can’t monitor your heart in here. So we need to move you to a different section in the emergency department. They’re preparing a room in intensive care for you. After we monitor you and the room in intensive care is ready, you’ll be transported to intensive care. I sit up in bed, and I say, I’m not going to intensive care. I have to go home. We’re talking about I’ll be fine. I have to go home.
I just got this little problem, right? It’ll be all right. I don’t know why it’s happening to me, you know, you’re not going home, you’re going to intensive care. And I threw up all over my hair was really long. And I drove all over myself and my husband and I passed out. And now what my husband said happened was, I came back around, they got me out of bed and walked me out of the room. And I passed out in the doorway. He said when I passed down in the doorway, doctors, nurses, whoever was there, scooped me up, took me away, sent him to the waiting room. What I know happened was I threw up, I passed out and I was in like I was in the white light that you hear about when people say they’re dying. Yeah. So and I knew, I was like, Oh snap, I’m in the light. I didn’t have that hover over my body experience. I didn’t see my body at all. I was fully in the light. It was gorgeous. It was the most beautiful, loving, brightest, but warm light I had ever felt. And my cousin Laura who I called bud, who died in 1992. Now this was 2005. She died in 92 was behind my left shoulder. And I wish I just knew she was there. I turned my head and I saw her and I said oh 505 Let me hug you and I went to turn my body to the left to hug her.
And she immediately started to push on my left shoulder. And she just kept pushing and pushing and pushing on my shoulder. And I kept saying Stop it Stop it let me hug you but but let me hug you. And I kept trying to turn and she wouldn’t let me hug her until she pushed me so hard that I was sitting up in bed in the hospital and the nurse was like lay down. So then they bring my husband back and Laura instantly went from being in full physical form. Now I’m out of the light I’m back in my body in the room to energy form and she was like a little ball of energy. I say like Tinkerbell like a little ball of light. You know, I was flying everywhere and I could like Hoover’s over you. Yes. She was like she would fly past me and I could feel the whoosh of her like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, air energy everywhere, everywhere. And she was like scanning me and she was scanning all of the equipment and the monitors and everything. So they bring my husband back and I say to him, Chef, do you see or do you see Lara now? I am very high strong. My husband is very calm. My husband does not curse. I will curse like you know with the best of them. I will yell I will scream I will holler. My that is the Italian part.
It kind of is. I don’t know or the felly with my husband is very calm. He doesn’t curse. He doesn’t say like never says like a harsh word to me. Especially. He’s like shut the F stop it. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. And that is not him. Right. He’s like they’re going to get a straight jacket. Stop. cuz I am like literally like, Oh my God, look at her look at her look at her like freaking out you say you’re right. Don’t you see your Tina like I feel like it was so animated but I was literally on my deathbed. So how animated was it? Actually? Right? Yeah, yeah. So now they bring us up to intensive care and she’s there the whole time on the elevator around all the orderlies around the nurses, they bring me into the intensive care into my room and she rushes in. She’s everywhere, looking at everything, checking everything. And I’m like, Jeff, look at her. Look at her. Look at her.
What is she doing? She doesn’t know about any of this. Like she didn’t do anything medical in her life. She doesn’t know about this. He’s like, shut up, shut up, shut up. The nurses trying to talk to me. Doctor comes in doctors trying to talk to me. I don’t care what they’re saying. I only want to pay attention to what Laura is doing. Right? Yeah. So next thing you know, my father in law passed in 2000. And my brother in law passed in 91. We’re in the room, just my husband and I Mr. And I say to my husband, oh, your father and your brother are right there. Do you see your father and your brother and he’s like dead. You got to stop. Just stop. And my father in law and brother in law. Were sitting on my windowsill in full physical form. I got into the intensive care on a Saturday morning. And they didn’t know that I was going to be like completely fine until Wednesday evening. The three of them stayed with me. until Wednesday evening. Laura was always in energy for my father in law, brother in law were in fill full physical form. My father in law and brother in law, were there whenever my husband was there. Laura was there 24/7. And, you know,
like they were sent to to be there for you.
Absolutely. You know, they were holding my husband up and she was making sure I was okay. And I was so it just the whole reason that I hemorrhaged was I was taking an over the counter medication. For foot pain. I had heel spurs and plantar fasciitis. I don’t ever take anything teen it and I was in so much pain that I had to take this and I had been on a prescription like anti inflammatory and pain reliever and it was being recalled from the market. My podiatrist put me on this over the counter medicine and told me to take double the dose that that would equal the prescription strength and within two weeks of taking it regularly, I almost bled to death. I had four transfusions in less than 24 hours. So it was crazy. Um, so I assume that I told you the loss, right from the blah blah, right. So um, when I was there, you know, they had all this so much testing done. And one of the tests that they did was a colonoscopy. And that’s real fun prep on a on a bedpan in a hospital bed. Don’t anyone ever complain about getting your routine screenings, because at least you can do it in the luxury of your home, not flat on your back and a hospital bed with some saint of a nurse helping you? Okay, so at the time, I didn’t have any power ups or I didn’t have anything irregular. I had some diverticula on my colon, which we all get, especially as we age, at age 36. It was a little odd that I had as much diverticula as I did, but it’s not a big deal.
I like fibroids, then. Number five, it’s diverticula are just little pouches that form on your colon. If they get inflamed or infected, it’s called diverticulitis. Just the fact that we have them. It’s called diverticulosis, and we all end up with some of them. So I was so upset that this happened to me, right. And I’m like, I was so healthy. I worked out all the time. I was, you know, a spinning instructor. I was just starting at a new gym. How could this be? How can my body turn on me what was going on? And I was really bitter about it for a long time. And it took a year for me to really heal. And for me to really get I had lost so much blood, I was so anemic, I was so weak. And it really took almost a full year for me to get back to myself. But over that year, five women that were significant in my life died. And that was like I just kept getting like hit and hit and hit right. But five years later, after the hemorrhage, I had to have a repeat colonoscopy at age 41, which the average person does not have a colonoscopy routine colonoscopy until you’re 50 Unless you have some kind of issue. So at age 41, when I had the repeat colonoscopy, I have precancerous polyps on my colon. That would have stayed there that would have turned Cancer by the time I was 50. So ultimately that hemorrhage saved my life. It saved me from colon cancer. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – It’s like It’s like that hidden one. Right? The. It’s like the uterus one. I think it’s very hidden hard to find it doesn’t show up as stage one or two usually
cervical cancers like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that hidden one. Yep. So that’s awesome. Kind of, right. So when once that five Mark hit that five year mark hit, and I, you know, found out that I had these precancerous polyps and they were removed. And then I started to see it as a gift. I always felt like getting to see Lara and my father and mom, brother in law was a gift, but not the experience. Right? And then I started to see the whole thing was really a gift. And it also, I have, you know, hid my I hate the word psychic. But I have hid those things about myself my whole life.
And they kind of were like, huh, can’t really hide in your saying, you saw us, you know, blah, blah, blah. And more and more, I started to really, I always paid attention to the way that I felt around people. You know, I always would tell my kids, if it feels creepy, it is creepy. Get out. But I started to realize how much I could sense energy in all things all around me all the time. And I and I realized, like, I have been doing that my whole life, but not being conscious that I was doing or feeling the things that I was if that made, right. Yeah. And then that led me years later down a path of, you know, I really didn’t talk about my near death experience. For a long time, I would tell people, you know, like, sometimes it’s like a cool party story. On the company, you know, I’m at people who knew it, they’re like, dead talk about that time, you know, tell them but I didn’t really like ever, like dive into it until years later, when I started to see a coach and Reiki master regularly, and I get started to get energy work regularly. And then that really started to open up and bring up all of my gifts and bring them to the forefront. And, and having to make a choice like, am I going to step into these? Or am I going to keep hiding these? Yeah, and use them and use them? Right? Mm hmm.
Well, we’re all supposed to have them.
We all have them. But some people don’t have a clue.
No, some people don’t have a clue. And some people just are not open to that. And that’s fine. Like, you know, whatever anyone feels comfortable with is fine. Um, but, you know, there are ways to I always, you know, the number one thing, you know, with, like intuition, you know, we call it like, your, like, your spidey sense, is, you know, we use it to let us know, the four seats in a situation or not, but it goes like beyond that, right. But that’s just like the general thing. But just like, you know, helping you to make decisions, you know, you hear that voice and that your inner voice. And, you know, I always thought that, you know, when people would say they connected to spirit, or they got messages, that it would sound things like, you know, like thunder crashing and then they would be like Jabra, ooh, this my child or something like that. Right?
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE!- When are you going to wake up? Yes. It is not like that. Like that voice is just steady and calm and quiet. It doesn’t fight back. So when you’re like trying to make a decision, and you know, you’re trying to tap into what feels right for you, or listen to that inner guidance, your ego is going to fight back or it’s going to give you pros and cons and everything else right? That inner self that that that higher knowing is just going to be like this is it this is it. Yeah, you know, like you’ve got to go between like you know, purple or orange and it’s gonna be like orange and you know that your ego is gonna be like purple it’s brighter it’s prettier but but but more people like great than orange you know, things like that. Yeah. And so just for you know, leaning into that little thing and that’s not a weird thing for people that right like, yeah, it doesn’t that kind of stuff doesn’t scare people. It’s the other stuff like oh my god, do you talk to dead people or things like that, that like freak people out and I should say like that Um, the biggest scariest person ever, like I don’t like anything scary.
So for Alonzo, obviously it’s not scary for you it’s well, it’s not now. But I, for the longest time I was scared to allow myself to learn modalities or are they even like talk about these things, because I was I don’t know, I was just scared that I was gonna like do something wrong, invoke something, whatever. Now I am surrounded and protected at all times in life. And you, you know, you make a deal with spirit like, you know, I don’t want to be contacted when I’m naked, when I’m taking a shower when I’m asleep, unless it’s going to save my kids lots leave me alone. You know, like some kind of urgent message. Other than that, wait until I have some clothes on. Wait until I’m not in the shower or my bedroom. And then we can talk.
Well, you set your boundaries set my boundaries. Absolutely.
So what do you think? When you’re you mentioned to me in the hospital room with your husband, you know, we talk about these important conversations.
So so we’re I’m in the hospital, and I’m dying, literally. And we had never, and I mean, never talked about what we want it if we were to die. And what’s taboo, it is my new buddy, right? Well, for us, it’s ridiculous that we didn’t because his brother died very young. He was 26. And my cousin died. She was 21. So they were you know, my brother in law was an illness. My cousin was an accident, again, blink of an eye whole life changes, right? So we knew things could happen to young people. And I have we had other young people in both of our families that it wasn’t like we didn’t know. Yeah, so and my husband and I have known each other basically our whole lives. So it’s really weird that for us, we didn’t talk about that. And so I think that what happens with people is that it’s not going to happen to you.
Exactly right. It kind of Yes, exactly. For both Yes. Yes. It’s not going to happen to you, you can’t ever imagine that it’s going to go down like this. So you know, I’m in the hospital bed. And now I say to him, Okay, we have to talk about if I die, and, and and what I want. And here’s my rules. I’m bossy Tina, um, and so and he does not want to talk about it. And he’s like, stop it, you’re not gonna die, you’re gonna be fine. It’s all gonna be fine. And I’m like, I just had four transfusions. And I see dead people right now, I think we should talk about God forbid if this goes the wrong way right now. Right? He was really resistant. And I was like, Alright, to just shut up and listen to what I have to say. And so then I told him what my wishes were. And then I gave him room. And, you know, he’s like cracking up the whole time
didn’t was he didn’t want to be buried.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – I didn’t want to be buried. I wanted to be cremated My in laws. My husband’s grandfather, who I adored, I knew in my whole life had purchased like, like, an enormous amount of plots for their entire family to be together. I didn’t want to be their teen, I don’t want to I don’t I don’t want to be in the ground. I want to what does he say? And he was like, what? And I’m like, I want to be cremated. And we have a bar in our living room. And I’m like, so put my ashes on the bar. Because from that point, you could see my front door, and I could see anyone that would come in and out of my house, right? I’m like, you can get married, of course, so young. Here’s the list of people you can never marry or date. He’s like, Oh my god, are you kidding? Right now? And I’m like, I’m not kidding. And then, um, and I was like, you know, don’t one of my big things was don’t take anything the kids say for face value. I you know, because I can always feel that they were leaving something out or what if the same more or you know, a student ever take what they’re saying that face value.
Pay attention when they’re telling you something important? Or maybe you might not think it’s important, but it is. And don’t you let any don’t dare ever let them call somebody else mommy. They could love somebody that you marry, but she’s not the real mom. I am. Don’t let them call her mommy. They mean ever. They could pick a different name. And he’s like, All right, okay, I can’t marry this list. Put you on the bar. cremate it. Nobody’s. They’re never gonna call anybody, Mommy. And I’m like, yes. So then I also teen it financially. I did all the bills and all the banking and he didn’t know No anything. And his paycheck was actually like an actual paycheck, not direct deposit.
So then I said to him, you know, this is, you know, the account to put your paycheck. And this is where the checkbook is. And back then, like, everything wasn’t automated, like it is now. So for us back then like my, our mortgage, and like insurances were automated, but no utilities or credit cards or anything axes, right. And I’m like, you have to, like, pay this. This is and I’m giving them like the list of when everything’s doing, like, write it down. And he’s like writing it down. And I could tell like, he’s not paying attention. And so I was home from the hospital, maybe about three months, and I like have a little bit more energy and I start to go through this pile of mail. And all the utilities were getting shut off. Oh, I just assumed that he was taking care of it as I recovered.
Yeah. And I said to him, You came home from work, and I’m like, everything’s getting shut off. Like you didn’t pay anything. What would you have done? If I die? He said, I would have just let them shut it off and started new startup fresh, new accounts. I’m like, That’s ridiculous. Ridiculous. So would it be right? I wouldn’t have been there. So whatever he would have to figure it out. But, um, my sister would have helped them but still, you know, there are conversations that need to be had that you don’t think about.
Yes, because you’re living your usual life. Getting the kids ready for school and what parties next and what dinner? Yep. And to my going to, and, oh, I forgot I have to go to that hockey game. I can hardly wait for Friday night. And, and nobody’s ever having that taboo subject. Discussion?
No. And it’s so important to have it even to know like, Okay, say, God forbid, you do die? Do you want your organs donated or not donate it? Right. You know, what do you want for your final arrangements? Is there something specifically that you don’t want? That you’re right, right.
Even to girlfriends and wives down to who can marry next Tina, right. You know, and it’s really important to have those conversations, no matter what age you are, like, if you haven’t had them yet have them? Yeah, you know,
and I even say, you know, there was used to be a thing where you would take your kids, they would check your car seat in the car, they would do your fingerprinting of the child, you could attach some hair to it in case they ever went missing. You know, all of these things we’ve really left by the side. Mm hmm. We’re not, we’re somehow thinking that’s not going to happen. So, you know, let’s just worry about the dress I’m going to wear Friday night.
Right? Right. So I have my major in college was criminal justice. And I was a probation and parole officer when I graduated from college for six years. So I was always very safety conscious. So things like that. I was always on top of and had plans for, like, you know, when your kids are really little, like they don’t know their address yet. Like they’re too little to notice things right? Or, you know, their phone number, anything like that. So, everybody thought I was crazy. But this is what I did. You know, when you go to like Petsmart or Petsmart there or? Okay, and you could get the little you know, dog tags made for your pet? Yeah, I had their name with our phone number on it. And then my name under it. So anytime we went somewhere. They had that on on and you couldn’t see it. It was like under their you know, like tucked in there shirt. Yeah, I had that on. We went to Disney. They had that on we went to an amusement park. They had that on. Anytime we went big places like that. Then my kids had stuff like that on that nobody knew.
Oh, that’s cool. That’s a great tip. Mm hmm. So what do you so you would think people should have these conversations?
Absolutely. But even with sisters, brothers and parents, absolutely like it, you know, because there’s family like families get, you know, have opinions on things or you know, everybody thinks, oh my gosh, right. Or they think they know like what you are they think that they should have Say in what you do, right? If you have that conversation, and then you have it all written out, you need to honor that, you know, whether you agree with someone’s arrangements or not, how can you? I don’t know, I just feel like you always need to honor whatever somebody wants to do, especially in regards it specially in regards to like, their last two the remains, you know,
it’s like, even if they get sick, even if they get sick, that’s something else that people don’t want to talk about. And, you know, I, of course, was never expecting to have that happen to me. Um, and even just like, child care why was in the hospital, right? Or, you know, how who’s going to take care of, and God bless my mother and sister and my sister actually lived out of town and came home to help but you know, who was going to take care of these kids? And, you know, the pets and pets, and, and, and your plants? Like everything, your home, your car, all of it? Like, who’s going to handle these things? Who’s the point person? Because there has to be one?
Well, it’s if you don’t have those conversations, families usually fight over. Absolutely. who’s doing what?
who’s doing what? Absolutely.
Yeah. Especially those big Italian families.
Especially, while everyone thinks that like their way is, you know, the best way and they may or may not have valid reasons, so just find out what people want. And it was way less of a headache.
Yeah, it’s like if you had that conversation with your mom say, right, when she’s perfectly fine. And then next year, she’s had a major stroke, and you have to put her into a home. Well, if you haven’t had those conversations, and how do you know what she wants?
Exactly. So my dad died in December of 2018. He literally dropped that Tina, like out of the blue, he just died. And I always knew that when he died, that’s how he would die. Because my whole life, he always said, you know, you hear about somebody going to sleep and they just don’t wake up. That’s the way to go. That’s the way to go. And it really is all planned. He did. And so he died. But we didn’t know anything. We didn’t know. And my parents were divorced for a long time. Like we didn’t know, did he have insurance that he not have insurance? Was there going to be money to bury him not we knew that he would want to be buried. And we knew that he would want like a big, big turnout, big, big showy things. Like we knew that that’s how he was, that’s what he would want. He would want the whole viewing. And then he would want the big man, you know, big Catholic mess and a big party afterwards. Those things we knew, but money wise, like we didn’t know. And then we didn’t know like, did he want? What did he want us to do with all of his stuff? Right now? Like, did he want things donate it? Not? Did he want any of us to have certain things specific thing? It was just like, it was crazy. So, you know, I we did have conversations with our mother after that. And then, um, you know, I told my husband like, we need to get this like ironed out with your mom, too. Now. Yeah.
When you’re talking about your dad, when you haven’t had those conversations with them, and you don’t know what they wanted. But you also don’t know if there’s account since sitting somewhere that have money in them? Well, in
our case, there really wasn’t. But yes, you might not know that, right?
You don’t know. You don’t really don’t know. And you and they’re sitting unclaimed for years and maybe forever. Same as life insurance policies. Absolutely. Absolutely. And they’re, they’re important things that you you need to know about. And you need to know where those things are. And it’s really funny, because the one thing that we didn’t know, was there was this again, cemetery plot. There was this like family cemetery plot and my dad’s family. And so my dad always knew when he died, so ever since him and my mom weren’t together anymore, where he was going to go. And he had like a little lockbox and the deed was in there. And then I was just known like that, then I was to Pat after he passes to take that deed and to give it to, you know, a new who to give it to next because there would be one more spot. But other than that, we had like no clue. And we didn’t know how we were going to pay for and luckily, there was enough insurance to to, you know, to care of it. But we were like, Oh my God, how do we find out and then having to go through papers? And luckily, he kept really good records. So we were able to find things. But some people don’t know No clue and things go missed, you know? Yeah.
Especially when you move, especially for when you get older. Yeah, I forget to her. Yes. Yeah, yes. Mm hmm. And so she
had a situation where with his car and his car insurance, and my dad was, he was he paid cash a lot for things, right. And I needed to take his car and get and get rid of the car. And I was like, I need to cancel the insurance now. He paid his agent in cash. And they never paid the policy. The policy was not paid. So thankfully, I reported the agent. But thankfully, he never was in an accident. Because here he was thinking he was covered. And he wasn’t. Yeah.
Especially if he had died in the car. Exactly. When that had been a pretty picture. Oh, thankfully. Didn’t even have to deal with any of that.
Wow. I guess they don’t have cash sort of transactions anymore. I don’t think,
Well, this was just in 2018. He literally went to the office and pay the agent in cash.
Why? Wow. So you don’t even know. I mean, literally for people. And in in America, you in Canada, we’re giving up document? Mm hmm.
I’VE GOT TO BEAT THIS TRAUMA IN MY LIFE! – And we saw it. Yeah. And he had a document and all this. And then I call the insurance company to cancel the policy. And they’re like, there’s this is not in effect. It was a whole that’s a whole another thing. That’s fraud. Tina, neck all got reported in. Wow. But that was taken care of right.
Yeah, cuz you don’t know what you’re going to come across?
You don’t know? You don’t?
So do you guys have these conversations much easier now?
Why husband? And I definitely do. And then also with my siblings. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Because
sometimes, you know, we don’t even have those discussions with our parents. Right? And, and then it’s the same problem, because you’re going to be stuck having to hold the bag.
So what do you think, um, tell us a little bit about your book that you wrote.
So my book is, is this job, my jam the guide for grownups who still don’t know what they want to be? I don’t even know which way to turn it. There you go. Yep. So my book is so much fun. And it’s so helpful and informative. And in it, I, I go through how to make a decision how to find a job that is your jam. And I take readers through my signature program, it’s called inch. And, you know, using the four different letters, which is for identify NS for non negotiable C’s for change, and H is for hallelujah, which is really celebrate, but the you know, use that H to make the acronym work. And I take my readers through how to make a decision. You know, people come to me all the time, you know, I am a certified life coach, and my clients will come to me, they’re in some form of transition, you know, either re entering the workforce after these kids are grown, and now they want to go back and do something or they fit in the workforce, and they want to make a change.
Or, you know, they’ve gone through divorce, and they have to go back to work now, and they don’t know what they want to do. They don’t want to go back to whatever they were doing prior. And, you know, I help them go through and really identify what is it that lights you up? What is it that you know, would make your life easier, better, more manageable? And sometimes what we find is, I find this a lot with people who you know, Oh, I hate my job. I hate my job. My boss is a jerk, blah, blah, blah. They’re all you know, they want to change their jobs so desperately. But when it comes down to it, they just want to do the same thing somewhere else. And that’s fine, right? They when they Whittle all the things away? It’s not the actual work. That’s the issue, right? It’s wranglings. It’s their attitudes mindset. It’s others it’s other things and getting to the bottom of those things. And you know, for some people changing a job that’s just never gonna happen, right. It’s like a luxury that just cannot happen for some people. But finding other things that light you up finding other things that are your jam, like focusing on your hobbies and really carving time For yourself, and, you know, practicing some self care is so important. And women especially let that go right away.
Well, yeah, because you, you do your, you become non important to yourself.
Exactly. And so we need to all realize that we are all our own jam. And we need to nurture and take care of ourselves. You know, even if it’s as little as five minutes a day that you spent focusing on yourself years ago, I decided that I was going to meditate every day, I had been meditating for years and years, but I never made it a habit. But I knew that whenever I did it semi regularly, I felt different. I felt better, but I just couldn’t make it a habit that would stick. So I decided that I was going to make this a habit that would stick even if I only would meditate for one minute a day. So I let myself off the hook. Right? I let go of, you know, I always joke that I’m a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist and procrastinator. So I made it really easy on myself, I just have to do this for one minute, every day, I could do anything for a minute. Yeah. And I have meditated every single solitary day since April 6 2017.
nd that’s the way that I’ve been able to be successful at it. So when I work with people, whether it’s trying to find a job, that’s their jam or relationship, that’s their jam, or whatever the issue is that they’re coming to me for, whether it’s for energy clearing, or coaching, or both. I like to make things as simple as possible. Take it down to like, the easiest steps so that you get you build your confidence, right by getting an immediate win, and then stack them and then stack them. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have setbacks. Of course you are, but you’re better able to handle them. You know that confidence increases when you start to keep those promises to yourself. And when I met started to meditate every day, and I gave myself a year, let me see what could happen to my life in a year if I could keep this promise to myself. And my life blossomed in ways that I could have never imagined. And it ultimately led me to leaving my nine to five job starting my business, writing a book, having a podcast, you know, things that I I never had them on my radar, I always wanted to write a book. But the other things like they were not on my radar to do and I and all naturally fed into those. It flowed, it totally floats. And I was in flow.
Because I think there’s a lot of people out there that think that they can’t do something else, and they hate what they’re doing. But in fact, you could actually do it on the side, maybe there’s something there was a contract or or you could make candles or T shirts or whatever it is that absolutely, it doesn’t have to be your main gig, right?
It can be something on the side. And also, it could be something that you don’t even make money from just something that you enjoy doing. So I you know, in the book I talk about and I always work on this with my clients is you need to try things, you need to try several things. Um, I used to own a retail business, I used to own a card and gift shop. And I cannot tell you the amount of people that would come in and say to me, Oh, I would love to have a store like this, oh, I love to have a business like this, Tina, I just wanted to hand it over to them because I hated it. But I would say to them, Come shadow me for the day and see if this is something that you really want, and then I’ll sell you my business. But I always offered people the opportunity to shadow me. And that’s something that you can do if there’s something that you’re thinking that you would like to try, go shadow someone who’s doing it or, you know, go and volunteer your time or do an internship. Or see if you can take that person that you know is doing what you want that you think you want to do. Ask them to coffee or Zoom meeting or whatever it is, yeah, let’s start to try things before you just jump in and make this huge life decision.
It’s amazing when you think back of the horrible, horrible experience that you had line in the hospital room, where it’s just evolved for you into yourself as well as helping others because you’ve sort of seem to have realigned yourself with your purpose.
Absolutely. So after I after that experience that near death experience and then within a few years later, we bought this retail business and it was such a financial. It was it was a decision Esther in every way it that almost killed me more than the hemorrhage dead. It was like killing me physically, mentally, spiritually in every way. It was too much. And I knew it going in. And my intuition kept saying to me, she’s lying, the old owner who I was buying the business from, she’s lying. She’s lying. She’s lying. But I kept saying, whatever, it’s all good, it’s all good. It’s all good. You know? And then my intuition will be like, no, no, no, and it was just slow and straight, it was very steady. And at that point, I didn’t know the difference between that and like, my ego getting in the way. And then my ego just kept fighting back, but we have to do it, we’re going to do it, we’re going to try it. My, my husband really wanted this. I didn’t, I wanted to do it for him. Um, and my, my, my, you know, my higher self, my intuition was really trying to protect me and telling me no, don’t do this. Went into it. It was a complete disaster.
But it also gave me a confidence in myself that I didn’t have before. And it really showed me, I can do anything. I always have jobs. Throughout my life. I’ve always had jobs that I never knew what I was doing that I had no experience in the field, someone was like, you will be good at this. Here’s money. I’m like, alright, I’ll do it. And then I would be like this star worker, right? Yeah, go into this business. And I don’t have any business background, which is not a good thing. If you’re going into business, you need to know something about business. You don’t want to get a bookkeeper or somebody to tell you what to do. Or something. Something Right. Um, so I had worked retail, like one summer in my life as a teenager, I’m like, I could I could sell, right, I could sell anything, if I’m passionate about something I could sell it. And so I’m like, alright, I’ll do it whatever, incur hundreds of 1000s of dollars worth of debt, because we didn’t stay in it. There was a lease, we were in the store, you know, we assume the lease, which is part of purchasing the business. And I knew that lease was going to end. And when that lease was up, I was like, we’re out.
And we’re gonna take this hit. But we got to do it. Because my husband and I were literally, we were dying from exhaustion. Yeah, and not being able to do the stress or life stress exhaustion. I went from being home all the time seeing my kids all the time to never seeing them working 12 to 16 hours a days, like seven days a week, mostly, you know, sometimes I would have off on a Wednesday, I worked almost every night and weekend, you know, from all of 2011 1213 and half of 14 was horrible. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now and laugh. And when I got out, you know what I said that my husband was we can always make money. We can never buy back time. We’re never getting this time back. We have to get out.
And take the stress back. It’s it’s yes. been embedded in you. Absolutely. So what kind of I mean, I hate to go because I’m having so much fun. But what would you like to tell the listeners,
I would say you really can do anything that you want to do. It’s just being able to be brave enough to try. So take baby steps inch your way to what you want to do. Don’t try to do it all at once you’re going to get overwhelmed, you’re going to get stressed out and then you’re going to quit. dip your toes in. I always joke like, Do the hokey pokey with the right foot and you could take it back out, put it back in and just try ensure way little by little and small, consistent aligned actions. Equal massive results.
I think so. I think consistency, that passion. Mm hmm.
Well, passion. Need right, like passion can feed. So if you start to build those habits, that you keep taking action, you just keep moving forward. Keep moving forward, then you can’t miss. Yeah, I don’t look at anything as a failure. Like I’m like either, and Nelson Mandela says it and I’m gonna mess this quote up please forgive me. It’s like, either I got a lesson or I learned I mean, I like a laugh or lesson something like that. Like nothing is a failure. You’re gonna learn something along the way. And hopefully a laugh or two. Yes, yes.
Oh, that’s beautiful. Thank you so very much. Thank you. Well, you guys can you believe this? I am sure We could talk about this for a few hours. We’ll have to have Deborah back again after maybe she’s got a little bit more information of her clients maybe or, you know, like, there’s so many other stories that you’re going to come across that we would probably love, all love to hear. Your story has been amazing, amazing story and inspirational, motivational, you know, taking something that can flip you upside down and put you to dry, really, you know, amazing. Thank you so very much for bringing that to our listeners. That was beautiful. Thank you for the opportunity.
Oh, you’re welcome. I my quote, and I always mess it up, too. Is Mike Tyson always has a famous quote that he says, everyone has a plan until you get punched in the mouth. And I don’t know, it is true. And I really don’t know how many people even think they have a plan because they don’t. You know, like I say to people, do you have a backup plan? Yes, I have my will and my power of attorney. That’s not a plan. Sorry. That’s not enough. It’s like this little bit of the plan. Like you, you didn’t even talk about that. You were talking about what things you wanted, and measure that the person’s going to do those things. And, yeah, and so it makes it so much nicer if you don’t have to have those conversations at that present moment.
When When emotions are high and adequate people, right, that stability, you need that strength, you need that love to come in to help each other out whoever that is. That’s with you. Yeah, it’s it’s amazing. I talk about being present. And that’s definitely being present. Yes. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you for all those great tips and tricks that you had up your sleeve today. So, thank you guys. I’m going to bring out my hand because you need to subscribe. Subscribe and ring that bell ring that bell. Ring that bell down below. Right there. Everybody knows that 70. So you can get notified of our upcoming videos.
Absolutely. When you are thinking about someone special that’s close to you right now. And you haven’t talked to them. Please pick up that phone. We still have phones, text, FaceTime message, zoom, whatever it is. Tell them how much you love and care about them today. Because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. So stay tuned for our next podcasts and live streams. We have great conversations with some of the most interesting and accomplished people in the world today. Look at Deborah. I think you’ll be entertained and formed and I hope that we’ve inspired and motivated you guys to start thinking about your unique plan.
No one is Superman. So expect the unexpected. Thank you again to all our listeners. We are in our second season. Thank you so very much. I appreciate each and every one of you. We were on all podcast platforms, YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Facebook. We also have a VIP Facebook group for those with your backup plan app. So thank you for sharing. With each and every one. If you have been listening to the show today, you are here for a reason. So please like, share and subscribe to it. I always end our show with Carol Burnett because she was the most beautiful person in the whole wide world. I know Deborah knows who Carol Burnett is of course. I’m so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song seems we just get started. And before you know it comes a time we have to say so long. So long, my friends so long to all of our listeners. Thank you so much again Deborah, thank you for coming on our show today. Be kind stay safe expected the unexpected. Bye guys. Bye.
Thank you we all love You Guys!
Free PDF: https://www.deborahatella.com/about-5
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“Sometimes a little near death experience helps them put things into perspective”, Anne Shropshire
Our interview with Fred today will show you a few different perspectives on it changed his life! Let’s do this Fred! Let’s talk about Fred’s journey into darkness and a beautiful experience with the other side! Stay tuned
YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE!
Welcome. Welcome to today’s awesome, awesome podcast show about ah, this is this is crazy, where Fred has actually died probably more than 20 times. And I’m so excited to hear his wonderful journey of that he’s going to be able to express with us.
If you are new here. Welcome to TALKING TABOO WITH TINA brought on brought to you by YOUR BACKUP PLAN.
As you saw in our commercial, we focus on real raw conversations with our listeners about the guests journey from a life changing event in their life. So what is YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP?
YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP puts your life all into one place in case of any unpredictable circumstance while taking that painful aftermath out of that tragedy. What does that mean?
Well, one thing you can count on is that, you know, we’re all going to die. Yeah, we’re going to get sick or disabled, or we’re going to have a wildfire or we’re going to have that tornado or hurricane or flood. Wow, those floods are so common right now, we are going to be hit by COVID and either come out okay, or be stuck in the hospital somewhere, or possibly have some rep ramifications from that. So what a best bet that couldn’t be a better time to discuss this issue that we all have that we all experience. And we all know someone who has had something happen. And something will we just don’t know when of course.
So our famous quote from Mike Tyson, as I talk about in every show, is everyone has a plan until we’re punched in the mouth. And we’re preparing now to launch for the emerging blueprint program. And that will bring you deeper into the why, what and how to create your own DIY plan with your app on your side. So it’s a complete library of videos, interviews and worksheets that will help guide you through the process. So I’m really really excited about that upcoming launch. And yet really, really looking forward to getting that pushed out to everybody to help you understand what you need, why you need it, help you with some worksheets, have family conversations.
And so let’s get party started. My name is Tina Ginn. I am an Emergency preparedness coach, Best Selling Author of in the blink of an eye. Yes, things happen in your life, just like this. IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.
That’s how fast things happen. I always talk about if we had a five minute evacuation notice you are blessed to be given that in your life. Because most of us are not given five minutes to prepare for anything. I’m also an app developer of your backup plan hat app right here in beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia. And I’d like to welcome if you are brand new to our channel Super happy to have you here with us today. Those of you who are repeat our beautiful repeat visitors. Thank you for listening. Thank you for subscribing to our channel. If you haven’t already, like, share and subscribe because I’m going to get my handout here. And that is down here at the bottom somewhere where you have to press the subscribe button to our YouTube channel and follow us and share it with those because if you have found us you have found us for a reason. And believe me, there’s going to be lots of good good, great information and every one of our shows for you. I’d like to welcome the United States and Canada the two top listeners of our show of course, and our German and Ireland’s listeners. Thank you so much for our German listeners from around the world. I welcome each and every one of you. So today, our special guest is Fred. And Fred joins us from beautiful Toronto, Canada.
Welcome to our show. Fred. I’m so excited to get our party started. Hi, Fred.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES
Hi, Tina. Thank you for having me.
Oh, you’re welcome. I’m so excited to have a synopsis of your story. Fred comes to us from beautiful Toronto, Canada. That’s on the east coast of North America. He is an aspiring author. He’s working on a book currently called the summer I died 20 times volume one. He is a recovering from all of this trauma that he’s had in his life. He’s a motivational speaker. He helps people inform people inspire people about his journey that he has had. And I’m really excited and having Fred on our show, to talk about his real raw conversations that we’re going to have today. Thank you for coming on, Fred.
My pleasure. You make me sound so impressive.
You are impressive. You are thank you your story. Everybody has a story. And hopefully, you know, you’re able to reach out to those others. Maybe others have experienced something similar, but they’re not really understanding it or, or what really happened. So I’m very excited to hear how your journey started.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. Well, my journey actually started at birth, believe it or not, that’s not meant to be a joke. I have what they believe, I believe they sorry, I’m getting a little tongue tied. They believe I had a stroke just before just after birth. And it wasn’t diagnosed till I was in my mid 30s. So I had all these things going on that, you know, back in the 70s. Nobody paid any attention to. So I was I’ve had a challenging life, right from the beginning. And then I had concussions from playing sports, rugby, and hockey and football, and all those things that sort of compounded those issues. But the real craziness got started in summer of 2009. And that’s when I started what they thought was just passing out randomly. So I would be walking down the street and then boom, I’d be unconscious. And I probably went to the hospital 15 times. It took over four months before they diagnosed me correctly.
And in keeping with the theme of the show, there’s just no way to prepare for an event like that, like your your life is just so disrupted. But you also find out who your friends are. Yes, you know, the people that that step up. But as we talked before, I used to be a financial planner. And it’s easy to make plans to say there’s going to be this money coming in. But there’s nobody that I know of that’s ever made the plans to say, Okay, you’re going to pay this bill, and you’re going to take care of this and you’re going to take care of that, which is simply what your app is designed to do. I think that’s a fantastic, fantastic idea.
No, thank you. So and you only notice that when something occurs in your life like that right? To understand. Absolutely.
Absolutely. So during this four months in the summer of 2009 what we eventually found found out was, I have something called a full AV block, atrial ventricular block, which is the electrical system of your heart that tells your atria and your ventricle visual display there. Yeah, how, how to beat. And if the signal from those two centers or those two chambers gets interrupted, you’ll have either arrhythmias or in my case, your heart stops completely. And when your heart stops completely, your blood pressure goes to zero. And, you know, whatever position you’re in, you become dead, is that more of a stroke or a heart attack than Fred? It’s actually neither. It’s strokes and heart attacks often come from blockages.
This is a pure electrical, Something blew the fuse and nothing’s going to conduct anymore. And, and that’s what happened to me. So eventually happened to me at least 20 times that we know of, there’s probably times it happened when I was asleep and didn’t realize this, it happened to me because I kept recovering. Even today, they have no idea why this happened to me, when I ended up on a cardiac ward. I was like, by far the youngest person on the ward. And a couple of reasons this happened was doctors saw a fat white male. So they just assumed it was a heart attack. And they kept testing me to prove it was a heart attack and not looking for anything else. And they kept ignoring the fact that I had cracked my head on whatever was the hardest thing in the vicinity of where I collapsed. So you know, commercial countertops and washroom, curbs, street grates anything. So I had all this brain damage from falling question questions. And plus from not getting oxygen to my brain. And this is layered on top of damage to my brain from when I was a child and teenager playing sports. So yeah, nobody can plan for this kind of combination of events?
Did did you have more than one memory of going back to the five D world of of dying, so to speak? Did you have multitude of those visions or one big vision?
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. One, one big vision. And I actually feel kind of ripped off. Because if you have read or seen a number of these near death experiences, that people come with these lovely visions of, you know, come to the light and the warmth, and you see old friends and, and stuff like that. And I got none of that. It’s like so unfair. You think, you know, one out of the 20 or one out of the 40? Would like, you know, shouting? Yeah. It was nothing. What? Or maybe it happened. I just don’t remember that part of it. What’s what’s more distinct for me? Is the coming back to life Park, and which has been the most awful experience I’ve ever had in my life, which, yes, it’s a little contrarian, right? It’s the greatest thing that’s happened to you. But it’s also the worst thing that’s happened to you. Because if I hadn’t gone through that experience, we wouldn’t be here talking. So you remember going into it. Not through it. But you remember coming back out of it is that yes. So I had these events. Yeah. How far into it? Did you go?
Pleat blackness, okay.
So I physically what I felt was what I now call a brain quake, so that I now know that after my heart stopped and the blood drains out of your brain, I felt like my brain was shaking. Like my brain. It was an isolated earthquake. And then your vision narrows and then you’re gone. And, you know, that’s happened to be lying down. It’s happened to me walking. It’s happened to me on the operating table. So, and that’s, but it doesn’t take you any further than the blog. weakness.
No. Which maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s a bad thing. But I wish it had taken me somewhere to give me some comparable experiences. I don’t know if you know Sam Kinison the late comedian. He had a crazy story he used to be maybe a Baptist minister or something like that, who became a comedian. And he he died in a car crash and witnesses there said he was having a conversation while he was dying. And it looked like he was actually talking to God to outsiders, so, so I nothing like that. You don’t remember anyways?
Yeah, that I don’t remember. And hey, I’ve got brain damage. So who knows? Yeah, so the, what I remember very distinctly was coming back to life. And it was like, I was buried. And in the ground kind of visual.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. Under something. Yeah, I’m not sure. But I certainly couldn’t breathe. And then I started seeing like, fireworks. But fireworks doesn’t really describe it as intensity as it was just, you know, explosions everywhere. And I would feel every explosion, like it was physically painful. And loud. And this went on for I don’t know, how long because I was kind of dead. Yeah. And yeah, it was is so, so uncomfortable. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anybody. But that was, you know, I can imagine if you’re drowning, drowning, and you’re, you’re struggling for breath, of something of that scenario, and all these other things going on. Like to you so painful. So if I had gone to heaven, I’m guessing I was getting rejected pretty forcefully. That’s, I don’t know how.
Yeah, you feel like you’re getting shot back by explosions.
Yeah, sorry, kid. You must be this tall to get on the ride. And you’re not tall enough right now?
Yeah. Get out of here. You’re done. Yeah.
So they eventually figured out what was wrong with with me and that my heart was failing. And they, they gave me a pacemaker. But it, it was a fight to get that I had somebody, a close friend of the family, tell me over the phone, what was going wrong with me. And the doctors here in this particular hospital, wouldn’t even talk to this person. And they, they just ignored him. And because they ignored him. I had probably five or six more of these episodes while I was in the hospital. So they didn’t. When you don’t understand your own situation, it’s really hard to put together everything happening. Yeah. So even after they told me I had diagnosed going to have the surgery. I really didn’t understand what was going on. Because I was so battered by that point.
And you can’t really explain this to other people. Because they they just have no concept when you when you have a brain injury, or any of the non visible injuries. People have a really hard time conceptualizing what’s going on in your mind. So I knew I was slurring my words. I knew I was forgetting a lot of words. I went, I’m Jewish. And so we do our three prayers daily. When I went to do my evening prayers, I realized I could no longer read Hebrew. My brain had been battered so much, it kicked an entire language out of my head. So that’s, yeah, it still hasn’t fully come back. It’s probably about 80% of what it was. But, you know, your brain is resilient, but it needs help to be resilient. So and it’s just sort of by fluke that one of the main tools that I’ve used, wasn’t introduced to me, and we talked about it A little bit before but intermittent fasting.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. There’s so many things it does for your body besides helping you lose weight.
Yes, and the keto diet, which is mainly the MCT oil that your brain actually needs. I think it should be pushed more to help survivors as well as people going through brain issues because it extremely helpful.
The Omega threes are becoming more and more identifiable as such a benefit. I don’t know if you’ve heard Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she’s got an amazing podcast. It’s too long, though. It’s like three, three and a half hours, very high level science. But she recently had on a researcher who said, a huge percentage of the people who died from COVID were very low in omega three fatty acids. Now it’s interesting correlation. Yeah. So the same with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s and those people. So you’re right, most people should have more, we really have to, we’d have to eat like half a whale a week to get everything you need. So they’re working really hard on trying to find artificial ways to create the Omega threes. Because the fish don’t produce their own omega threes. It’s the planktons and things that they eat, which produce the Omega threes, which get into the fish systems.
And whales need it to survive Absolutely. healthy, healthy wise, did. So, when you were at the hospital, you don’t remember when you came out of it to what degree of movement you went back to, because you don’t remember how far you went to in depth. You only know from what the doctor told, you know, up?
Well, I remember everything, the doctors really didn’t tell me anything. Because they were, they were just focused on either proving I had a heart attack. Or once they figured out that wasn’t happening, and it was the electrical issue. All they cared about was fixing the electrical issue. So you know, one of the challenges in our medical system is doctors don’t like to be taught back to, and they believe their God. So maybe I did see God, or a number of gods who didn’t want to listen to anybody. Yeah. So it was, it was terrible. But I know when I was leaving the hospital, a couple of the nurses came up to me. And he said, You know, it’s amazing, you’re alive. You scared the shit out of us. Scared the shit out of you just scared the shit out of myself.
That’s amazing. Isn’t that when they when they think how many times that these actually save someone? That yeah, they must. Yeah, or don’t? Yeah. Must be crazy.
They they should have given me a temporary pacemaker. And they deem that too risky. And they told me, we’ll be fine. We have the the electrical panels, you know, that you see on TV all the time clear. That wouldn’t have saved me because I needed a continuous signal not a jolt. So. And there was a couple times I woke up in the hospital to wake up seeing them about to hit me with the paddles. Oh, my goodness. It was That’s a scary thought in itself.
It is. But again, it was a good sign that that I was not dead anymore. So I should remember the I think we had an ECG strip of at least three and a half minutes where my heart stopped, which is pretty substantial, you know, certainly qualifies for clinically dead.
Absolutely. And it’s just too bad that you don’t have the experience of talking with anybody in those three minutes.
Well, maybe I was and and maybe me doing things like this podcast and writing my book where the instructions I was given. From that time, I can’t remember. You know, this is your purpose in life. You have to go out there and tell people that they have to learn to advocate for themselves more strongly in the hospital, and ask for second opinions and third opinions because nobody knows your body as well as you do. And if you tell somebody that and they’re not listening to you, you have to find somebody else to listen. So maybe that was my conversation. Mm hmm.
Because it’s very, it’s in ground in your head now. So it’s probably was Do you have a vision yourself of what it would be like? Passing through or trying to pass through?
Um, yes. And I can’t say that I died. But I absolutely was taken. At one point, when I was falling off to sleep points. And I had a lady was standing talking to someone. It looked like another female because she had a long dress on.
I don’t do that doesn’t mean anything.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. Yeah, I guess I don’t, I didn’t recognize her. But the lady that was there with her back turned to me, when I came up to it was all like, she looked like she had one of those bonnets on her head. And she had a long flowy dress, I don’t know what era that would have come out of, you know, but that’s what I saw, with a big bow at the back, and a big bonnet at the top. And she was it was all white. And she even had gloves on her hand. And she reached out for mine. And she took me on this path. And we actually skipped I mean, it sounds crazy. But we skipped was wonderful. It was it was like if you were gonna die, it was like, there was like a meadow on each side. And we skip through this pathway. And, and it was like, she was taking me somewhere. Like, I felt like it was in Wizard of Oz or something. And remembering to it was I couldn’t have made it up for what I saw. Because I don’t have that kind of brain to to visualize that kind of thing. So yeah, it was beautiful. And we we skip down this pathway like kids. And him she was so nice and, and very healing, it was like an angel but not in an angel costume, you know. So that that’s my only experience that I’ve had that I can relate to what it would feel like so coming from a an Orthodox Jewish perspective.
We we don’t generally believe the, I get a disclaimer check with your local orthodox rabbi. To confirm these things, angels perform missions in general. And Raphael is the angel of healing. But we don’t believe the whole wing things and the halos and, and stuff like that they can appear to us as whatever they need to appear as. So you know, you could be an angel, for all I know, actually, I think the work you’re doing you probably are. So
I think they would call it a heel work or something as such, and possibly what you’ve been probably told to do is to go get your words of wisdom out there.
Yeah, I don’t doubt that. We have a lot of ancient texts that talk about heaven. And you know, a lot of it really revolves around you get to sit at throne of God. Well, he or a lot of the great rabbis from these goodbye, teach classes. We don’t get a lot of the, you know, you get whatever you want and float around on clouds and eat cream cheese, and if you remember those little commercials, so it’s a different perspective. It’s a less, I guess, are more utilitarian. This is a practical thing that happens to you. And the more pious you are, the closer you get to sit to God. And the less pious you know, you’ll be up in the standing room only, I guess.
Yeah, true. Just not in hell. I guess you’re just in the standing room part.
Yeah. According to our teachings, we make it very hard for for people to qualify to be in hell. or whatever, however you define help. Yeah. And we believe that after you die, the soul departs the body. And then it spends depending on the person, six to 12 months going through sort of a spiritual carwash. And I’m sure there’s a few people that don’t even make it through the carwash, but because they’re just so unbelievably horrid, but for the most of us, I think we, we easily get into, into heaven.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. I think it’s a cleansing part of the process. It’s my understanding of up the next stage of your life, basically. So you don’t it’s funny how you don’t remember any people talking to you, or it’s strange, I think. I really think that we all have the capability of listening to whoever’s talking to us, but we’re not always. We’re not always present. To hear it. We hear it unconsciously. But it’s the conscious level that remembers, like, it’s the brain part. So possibly, you had it all, it’s just the conscious level you didn’t, you didn’t hear we we have another tradition that I find interesting is that before you’re born, an angel comes into the womb, and teaches you the entire Old Testament, and everything that goes along with it. And just before you’re about to be born, he gives you a little on the top of the list, and it hammers it into your subconscious or your unconscious. So you come out knowing all this stuff, but you need to learn have to learn how to access it. And the not sure what the right word is. If you ever see people when they’re really, really deep in thought, they’re often like playing on their upper lip is if they’re, you know, trying to press the button that will give them the access to that hidden knowledge.
So I don’t know how true this is or not, but it’s an interesting concept.
Especially when it looks at what happened to you, I think would also layers on this, for me, is having that stroke when I was born. I, I know I do have memory problems and other things that are manifested by stroke victims, and I have almost no visual memory, which creates its own set of problems. So even people I know very closely, I can see them walking towards me on the street, and I won’t recognize them. And till they speak, or I hear a fact about them or something like that. So that I don’t have these memories isn’t that surprising. But it’s still I do feel a little bit ripped off that I don’t have these memories to, to share with people. Because well, this sharing
guide you Yeah, and to help guide you, right? For sure. And they’re probably in there, but with your other issues that you have, it’s just not available to you.
Or it’s not available yet or I’m finding other ways to, to find to communicate my story and to help work with people. Things like that. So that was that was round one 2009 How much time do you have?
We have another half an hour I guess of so you have another at least 10 times of this, don’t you?
Yeah, so I can’t go through all of them individually, but I can go through the major sessions. So 2013 I was riding my bike, and I was having a really good bike ride because I bike riding was a huge part of my recovery exercise is very good for the brain. And then all of a sudden, I was having another one of these brain quakes and woke up on the ground in the middle of nowhere at this park. And I thought naively that this was you know, Just possibly, maybe some over exercising heatstroke. But then the pattern kept repeating, I was going through what I had gone through in 2009. And I ended up in the hospital a number of times, they couldn’t figure out what it was. And then finally, they figured out that one of the leads, the wires that go from the pacemaker to your heart had cracked. So it kept shorting out. And I was going through the same thing again, my heart kept stopping. And, and I was dead again. So my friend, Deanna calls me repeatedly dead, Fred, I wouldn’t have said that, I would have said, You’re a miracle, Fred.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. Yeah, that that happened after this hospital surgery, as well, the stuff called me the walking miracle. So they decided they had to replace the pacemaker. And they put me in surgery, and I didn’t realize that you’re, now they do this while you’re awake. They give you like locals and cut you open and everything. And I had severe anxiety going at night, I’d never have anxiety. And as they were cutting me open I started to have a brain quake. And I know I said, Oh, fuck, I’m gone. And then I flatlined on the table. And, again, I feel ripped off because I didn’t have that experience. But I got have the whole experience of of the crazy operating room scenario. And they ended up aborting the surgery. But they had to give me a temporary pacemaker, which they do through the groin. Now they do it for the wrist, I believe. But they didn’t have time to give me any antiseptic or anesthetic. So that was a very unpleasant experience getting spirit in the groin like that.
Oh, dear. I know when you faint, which I’ve done a multitude of times, I’m fainting, I would have thought would have been very similar to that. But fainting doesn’t feel very good when you go to faint. But when you come out of it, it’s beautiful. Feels like the best sleep that you’ve ever had. Except when you wake up and you hear all the commotion, and all the people surrounding you looking at you, are you there? Are you there, you know, wake up, wake up, it’s just too busy and too frantic. And the noise seems explicitly loud, like, like, you’re, you’re sensitive to the noise, when you wake up to it, it sounds louder than it actually is. In your head.
Yeah, you become hyper aware, because your body has all these wonderful mechanisms that are there to protect you. So it doesn’t know what’s going on around you. But it’s trying to, to shock you into being aware in case there’s other dangers that you have to know maybe there’s a brontosaurus about to eat, or something like that. So it makes you hyper aware to help you recover more quickly.
Yeah, that part scary, cuz it’s very loud. Yeah, then, of course, people are only trying to be helpful, but when they’re overtop of you, everything looks bigger and louder and more of when you when you wake up with something like that. So I can imagine what it was like in a cold operation room with a whole bunch of people in it.
Well, I forgot in the moment that when you go in for the surgery, they put these I call them pacing pads. So it’s electrical conductor, they put one on your chest or your ribs and one on your back in case something like this happens, and you really don’t think about how these things work until you experience them working. So when I because it’s shocking you that’s what it’s literally doing. It’s giving you a shock if you’ve ever had a you know, a small shock, you know, it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world. No, and I I sort of gained some awareness and then I was like, wow, what’s going on? Like, is somebody kicking me in the ribs like what’s going on here? And somebody said shut up. We’re trying to save your life. Yeah, the the bedside manner there was a little bit lacking And then it took me a while to realize that it was these pacing pads that were hitting me like every three quarters of a second to, to make my heartbeat.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. So even though they aborted the surgery and put in the temporary pacemaker, again, maybe that was my version of heaven. Yeah, to a degree, the constant shocks, I, then I still had to have my pacemaker replaced. So, but they couldn’t do it quickly, because I might have had an infection from when they put in the temporary pacemaker. So I was put on complete bed rest for a week, until they were sure I didn’t have an infection. I literally couldn’t move. Like it was. It was just an incredible experience. So and then we went for the replacement surgery. And I had a very stern meeting with the surgeons saying, you know, we’re not going to do this the same way, we’re not going to do that. And bla bla bla bla bla. And then when they tried to do the surgery, they found they didn’t have room to insert the new pacemaker lead. And so I kept passing out on the table, I’m guessing from exhaustion. And I’d wake up and they were on like, video conference calls with surgeons around the world, like how do we, how do we fix this like, and these surgeons at this hospital, they were, you know, world class at what they do. If they’re asking for help. That’s that’s not a good situation. But I guess my guys what’s going on here? I blurred out and we’re like, we’re trying to see life.
Not what you want to hear. You want to get oh, it’s it’s all fine. It’s all good.
Yeah. So eventually, they figured out how to how to get another pacemaker lead in, and they went to replace the old pacemaker. And they’ve ordered a different pacemaker size. So pacemakers are pretty tiny, like old pocket watches. And they go in a little pocket. And the one they ordered was too big for the pocket that the first pacemaker had been in. So they literally have to, like stick their hand and like, jam it in the space. Yeah. It’s just so bizarre. So maybe this was my help. I don’t know. It’s, is it good now? Um, no, no. I asked how much time do you have? So that that worked for a while.
And you said, you miraculously came through COVID. So yeah, that was that was this here. I got hammered really hard for about 10 days. I was so sick, I didn’t realize how sick I was. And, upon reflection, I probably should have been in the hospital. But I wasn’t. But I ran into one of the cardiac doctors, the hospital. And he’s the one who introduced intermittent fasting to his cardiac team. And I had a quick conversation with him and he said, If I hadn’t been doing intermittent fasting for the last three years, I probably would have died from the COVID. The fasting had so wrapped up my immune system and all these other functions of my body to prepare me for battle. And
that’s interesting comment.
I’m a moderator in a fasting group. I know this is a little off topic. And there’s probably about 350,000 members and the lady who runs the group, her name is Jin Stevens, New York Times bestseller. And just the information we know now about what happens when you fast and how it affects your body positively. It’s just mind boggling.
what your body can do, isn’t it? Yeah. And yes, it is a miracle.
The the doctor that I ran into said intermittent fasting is The best non medicinal tool we have in our bags these days, probably ever. So if you want to have another conversation about intermittent fasting, do that some other time?
Well, it’s helped you and that’s the main thing. Right? So. So we’re what would you say to people now then if you know what you’ve gone through to, with your journey to others,
I think the word unexpected doesn’t begin to cover it. You don’t plan for something like that, that’s for sure.
Yeah, I, the doctors told me I was like, a one in a billion event. And I had four of these one and a billion events. So you know, who’s gonna plan for something like that? I think we really need to have tough conversations with our families, and peer groups, about how we want things handled, or how they can help. If something like this happens, then granted, I’m at the really extreme end of things. But, but not necessarily like your friend who had COVID, who was in the hospital that you mentioned, perfectly healthy guy, and went into the hospital and was in a coma for almost six months. And he also saw a woman in a long flowing dress. So I know, I had lucid dreams and hallucinations when I had my COVID boat. And he saw a woman appear out of o’clock on his wall, or so he thinks because and that she would have conversations with him.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. So And what was his issue? Do you know, by any chance? Like was it lungs? Was it capacity of breathing? Pneumonia?
Actually, I’ve never asked him, but I’m guessing that’s why because he was on a ventilator, he was on a trach tube.
But six months, that’s a long time to have someone pay your bills and know where everything is, if you don’t know.
And, and his family also has some significant business interests. But he was the main guy. Nobody else in the family knew where to start with with picking things up.
Yeah, that makes it super difficult. And I don’t want that for anybody. And that’s why, you know, your backup plan app helps people get that better prepared. Because you don’t expect something and you’ve been single. That has a big ramification to it as well, because who knows where all of your stuff is who has an extra key to your apartment or your house? And who knows where the garage key is? And the shed key? And do you have cats or dogs? Or what medical, if not all of us have our medical at one doctor or at one hospital. So that is also issues because you might be visiting somewhere else, and they don’t have access to your medical history.
So you have seven doctors?
That’s a lot. That’s a lot. Yeah.
So and, you know, they don’t talk to each other unless I really force the issue. You know, they’ll they’ll share notes. But really, doctors would spend their entire lives just reading other doctors notes. They don’t look at them until they think they need to. Which is one of the reasons we have big gaps in our medical system.
But where were you worried about your stuff, so to speak? Were you worried that you know, maybe you had a little bit organized but because it’s these life changing events that make us realize that something different could happen to the end result?
Well, I really downsized my life. After 2009 I got rid of a lot of stuff and you know, living in small apartments and things like that. So, as I mentioned to you before, my brother is a lawyer, so, you know, he’s quite aware of a lot of this stuff that has to be done. He took that over from my parents now for my mom, my sister’s a nurse, so you know, she’s my go to person on my my medical stuff. But I have no family here, but I am blessed with an incredible set of friends and community that can step in by You know, getting into the finer details of your life. Even knowing your own life, you never know all the finer details, and there’s always something that’s going to be overlooked. So I think something like your app that can help consolidate everything, and you have an assessable. Yeah, the 35,000 foot view. And, you know, start taking it down more towards ground level, that’d be a tremendous asset to anybody.
Well, and I, I always say, because you had mentioned about your friend who had COVID, in a coma for six months, and, you know, I feel so bad because it doesn’t have to be that difficult. If you were organized beforehand, it there’s nothing difficult about the process. It’s just people need to do it. And that’s the issue. So do you know what happened in the end, like, because his wife would have had to look after everything, and not knowing where anything is, is the problem. And I know, a single people, it’s a big issue as well. Because you don’t always want to relay all these details to someone. And it’s nice to have it in a secret place, just in case you need to pull it out of your back pocket.
Well, I’ve had some long conversations with, with my family, about my situation. And, you know, because of this all happened to me, and I haven’t worked for 12 years now, which were your, you know, supposedly your prime earning years, you know, my assets have certainly taken a hit. So my situation isn’t that complicated beyond, you know, where do I want to be buried? Yeah, at this point, because you have arrests looked after. But having the financial background that’s absolutely helped you with your family as well to having a lawyer and a nurse, to, to uncomplicate matters, but and then I was I was a financial planner for a number of years.
CLINICALLY DEAD A DOZEN TIMES. So it was my father, now have an MBA in finance. So I have a pretty good understanding of how most of these systems work. But, you know, the average person doesn’t know. And your every situation, of course, is different to and who knows what the family’s going to do and fight about, you know, there’s, I had an Italian family who was seven. And they had talked about the single brother who had gone in a coma as well in the hospital, and everyone was fighting about who was going to do what? Imagine, like, just as simple as that. Fighting over, how do you get into his apartment? Where are his accounts to pay? Who’s gonna look after that? Who’s, you know, who’s gonna do all these different things? It’s a lot of burden on the friends and family.
Absolutely. And I think especially in our current times, when, when people are more polarized than normal, you know, whether it be because of social media or whatever. I think the infighting is is going to be even worse than it has been. Because people are just primed to fight about anything right now.
Yes. Not sure why. outrage. I think Joe Rogan, the podcaster comedian, he called it they’re in a state of recreational outrage, like being outraged as their hobby.
Like the new mommy. Yeah.
It’s terrible. But that’s, yeah, that’s what’s going on.
Exactly. Well, I’m sure I’m gonna have you on again, because there’s so much more to talk about 10, especially when she get your book up and running. That will be really, really interesting. To hear how you put that together, it’d be. It’d be lovely. If you could come back. For that love to. I think I’m going to end up doing a Kickstarter for that. So
that’d be nice. I will link your information that you want me to hand out down below for any listeners that want to find out where you are at how to contact you. I will put that in the description box below as well.
Did you have any final Yeah, down somewhere there. Did you have any final notes for our listeners for what you wanted to leave them with?
Attitude is is everything. It’s our superpower. that we don’t access often enough. And if you only look at the downsides of things, it’s going to keep pulling you down. And when you go through a traumatic incident, I know it’s easy to get down on yourself, especially if you’ve had a traumatic brain injury. And that depression can sit in. But for the most part, we do control our thoughts. And if you think happy, it’s going to make a world of difference for you.
Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s it brings back my memory of I did a little scary Halloween skit last night. And I was trying to be scary, a scary witch. And it only lasted for a few seconds, because I was. I found it so funny after when it all came out. So attitude is everything. Because I found that I couldn’t be scary for very long.
Yeah, it’s hard to go against your nature. Yeah, it is. Except I find myself laughing at the end. So maybe it will help other people laugh too, as well. So it’s all good, right?
Yeah. And an early Happy Halloween.
Yes, everybody. Happy Halloween. And it’ll be Christmas before the podcast is out. Tim, it’ll be Christmas time before we know it. And that that’s just going to be here upon us before we realize that I think it seems like everything goes fast in COVID. Doesn’t it seems like everything is super fast.
I think again, it’s like when your experience when you started to wake up from the faint. COVID has made us hyper focus on our lives. Some in good ways, and some are not so good ways. But we’ve were so insulated from everything else that it just seems. We’re just moving very, very quickly.
Yeah, it does. Well, thank you, Fred.
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Because no one is Superman, even though we think we are so expect the unexpected. Thank you again, to all our listeners. We are now into our successful second season. And I want to thank each and every one of you for subscribing and following our channel. We are on all podcast platforms. We are on Youtube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Tik Tok and Facebook as well. And we do have a Facebook group for our VIP members so that you get notified and can talk amongst yourselves in our Facebook group about your journey as well. Thank you for sharing your time with us. And I love each and every one of you and Fred doesn’t know it but I always share Carol Burnett song at our end of our show. I know you know who Carol Burnett is Fred because Carol Burnett was laughter and enjoyment for all of us and I feel it during this time. It’s substantial. And I’m so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song seems we just get started and before you know it comes a time. We have to say so long. So So long, everybody I be kind stay safe. Wash your hands, wear a mask, whatever you have to do to get through this, this pandemic that we’re stuck in here. It appears that it’s not ending too soon. So thank you, Fred, also for coming on our show today. It was a true delight to have you.
My pleasure. Thanks for having me. You’re welcome.
Thanks for everybody listening, or watching and stay happy.
Yes, that’s for sure. Stay happy, stay safe and be kind. Thank you everybody till the next show. Bye for now. Bye
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TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, I’ll try again tomorrow!”, Mary Anne Radmacher
Welcome. Welcome YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE to another wonderful, wonderful session of ours.
If you are new here, welcome to Talking Taboo with Tina. It’s always like this huge mouthful when I have to say that brought to you by YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP. We focus on real raw conversations with real people.
And of course, with our listeners about their journey from a life changing event that happened in their life.
So welcome YOUR BACKUP PLAN? What is YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP? Exactly? What is that?
It puts your life all in one place in case of any unpredictable circumstance while taking that painful aftermath. Out of that tragedy. What does that mean?
Well, you know, of course, I had a horrific car accident four years ago. And it brought a new light to night journey as well. I wrote a book called in the blink of an eye. One thing that you can count on is that we all are all going to die, get sick, get disabled, or injured, or lose everything in a in a disaster or a tragedy. That sounds so taboo, doesn’t it?
When we talk about these kinds of things, but it’s true, we are not Superman people we are not. Unfortunately, we have to be prepared for the unexpected, because that theory of it won’t happen to me, is not true. I hate to tell you, unless you are Superman, and you can climb the sides of buildings, it will happen to you at some point in time in your life. And that’s why we talk about it here on talking taboo with Tina, because we want to have an emergency preparedness put together for you have have your own plan so that you can move forward to whatever may strike hit or complicate your life in your journey. So especially during the pandemic, we looked at things in such a different way. Because we all know someone now it’s been a year and a half just over a year and a half of this pandemic. And it brought to us things that we never thought would occur. It brought to us our lives changed in the blink of an eye, our way of life changed, as well as the thought process of what if? And the what f is what brings us all to am I prepared? Am I really prepared? Am I able to have someone pay my bills? If I’m stuck in the hospital, recovering an ICU from COVID? Am I prepared for that insurance company claim when my house is burning down in a wildfire? You know, I talk about the five minute evacuation notices from fire wildfires, as well as hurricanes and sometimes tornadoes. And, gosh, we are so lucky to have those five minutes, everyone because it doesn’t always happen, where we are given that five minute notice. And it’s not like a car is gonna hit you and say hold on a second. I don’t have my five minute. Notice. It doesn’t happen that way. So I help you put all of your life in one place so that you’re better prepared for any unexpected tragedy or situation, so to speak. And of course, Mike Tyson can’t say it any better than everyone has a plan until you get punched in the mouth. And it’s very, very true.
Which will bring you all y’all to dig deeper into the why and how to and create your own DIY plan with our app that’s on Google Play as well as iTunes as well as we’re preparing to launch our new our new blueprint program called the urging blueprint, which is a complete library of videos, worksheets, and templates. It’s interviews with people from internationally from around the world, to help UK, Australia, Canada, United States, etc. It helps everyone prepare for the unexpected. It helps you understand what you need, why you need it, what do I have? Why do I have it? What’s better, what’s what’s possibly worse? Those kinds of things. It’s building a treasure chest full of love for those that you leave behind. And it has an international resource guide attached to it so that you can get the help that you require from wherever you are. So I’m very, very excited about that new launch that we’re preparing for soon.
So everyone, welcome YOUR BACKUP PLAN TRIBE. My name is Tina Ginn. I’m Talking TABOO with Tina show, a best selling author of in the blink of an eye, a financial expert, an APP Developer of YOUR BACKUP PLAN APP, and I’m right here in beautiful Vancouver, BC.
Um, you know, sometimes I can’t even read my own notes. Hold on. I’d like to welcome all of our brand new guests, listeners to our show. I’m super happy to have you here with us today. For those of you who are repeat visitors, you know how much I love you and adore having you guys here. So thank you so very much for your presence.
Please be sure to hit that subscribe button, just down here down here in the corner, subscribe to our channel so that you get notified. I’d like to welcome we have quite a few. I’d like to welcome our United States listeners, our Canadian listeners and our third top listeners are our German community.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. So let’s get this party started. If you found us then you are here for a reason. Please like, share and subscribe to those that you love and care about in your your own surrounding. Our special guest today is Randy Brown. And she is a beautiful soul only 33 years old, and from beautiful Virginia, Nelson County, Virginia and United States. She has one daughter, and we are going into season two, believe it or not. So thank you guys for for loving us as much as you do. So we can move on to Season Three next, but Season Two we’re involved in. This is episode 21. In our podcast series, I can’t believe it.
Wow, it’s going like crazy fast. And I’d like to bring Randy on because we have a topic today. That is breast cancer for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, believe it or not. And she is going to show us some tips and tricks about how to move around that kind of moment when you’re told that you have something that you didn’t want. Of course, we all don’t want it. And sometimes we do get it unfortunately. But I love Randy’s empowerment that she gives an inspiration and motivation to fighting this. And I want to welcome her onto our show today.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. Hey, Randy, Hi, Tina. How are you? I’m good. And I’m so excited to have you. I hope I didn’t mess anything up for your description. Because it’s a topic that we I mean, we all are talking about it more. But we’re not delving too deep into the subject and I want to introduce you because you do deserve a great introduction with what you’re going through right now. You’re a beautiful person. And you have some tips and tricks for us to move through this. And I’m so excited to hear more about your journey. Randy says coffee is her lifeline and it’s not wine, Brandy, it’s it’s actually coffee. It’s
coffee. Yeah, I actually can’t drink wine anymore. I’ve noticed that whenever I have in recent probably the last year and a half. It just makes my body hurt. So I’m like I’m a cold turkey girl. Like if I need to start something I just stop it and so it’s coffee. Gotta have it.
Awesome. Well, it’s what you found that you like. She says I could eat Mexican food for every meal for the rest of My life I could to being called mama and Auntie are my two favorite titles. Absolutely. I am a my test. How do I say that metastatic metastatic breast cancer warrior you sure our peer support specialist and creator of warrior artists in coaching a program designed for the individual who’s both a creative and has been diagnosed with cancer. I have been an entrepreneur entrepreneur for eight years as a metalsmith jewelry designer, and I am the Chief Creative Officer of my growing empire. Absolutely. So, um, that’s a little bit of a description for every of all our listeners out there. But what, what where did this this journey start for you?
Um, well, I think so as an entrepreneur, it started I was without a job, and had a husband at the time had a three year old. And I was like, I need to contribute, every job I applied for was not working out. And I was just like, okay, so what do I have in the house that I can make that I can sell. And so I started out actually making friendship bracelets with button closures. And some little I called their bird’s nest charms, they’re just some beads that are wrapped and they look like a bird’s nest and they’re super cute. Um, and that was that was where it started, I put up a Facebook page and put up some pictures of the bracelets that I made. And here we are, eight years later. And I’ve gone from making friendship bracelets with button closures to now I work with silver and copper. And I get to play with fire and pound metal and set stones. And it’s, that’s that’s where the entrepreneur started. And I realized I’ve been you know, kind of been an entrepreneur most of my life. I remember walking the walk in the streets of the neighborhood, which is pretty spread out here in the rural country and just knocking on the neighbor’s doors and said, Hey, I got this little catalog will you buy something from me? So I realized like, I’ve kind of always had that go get it kind of hustle attitude. And and then the the cancer journey started December 2016. With diagnosis of breast cancer, I had a spot in my right breast and then a spa to lymph nodes also had cancer in them. So that’s that’s where it all started.
So in 2016, did you have any symptoms are How did how did they find out so I had a spot on the inside. So they look when you’re when you’re getting diagnosed, they’re actually looking at your breast like a clock. And so I had a spot at four o’clock on the outside of my breasts that looked like mastitis, which typically if anybody gets mastitis, typically they’re nursing.
I had a six year old, we were not still nursing. So I was like, I don’t know what this is coming from. So I went to my my annual physical with my primary care doctor, and she wasn’t worried, like she said, Well, you know, it’s probably an infection, I’m going to give you an antibiotic, but I’m also going to err on the side of caution, I’m going to send you for an ultrasound. And I said, Okay, if you’re not worried, I’m not worried. She’d been my primary care doctor at that point for like six or seven years. So I was you know, I felt pretty comfortable with with what she was saying. Went to the ultrasound and the the young, the tech kept looking at 11 o’clock. And I you know, in my head, I’m like, I’m gonna need you to stop that, like stop looking for things that aren’t there. And she asked me three times if I had been referred to a surgeon, and I like in my mind, I’m going not for mastitis like that’s a little extreme. And so she asked me three times. And then finally she said, you can go ahead and set up I’m going to have I’m going to go have the radiologists Look at this. And I immediately knew I said right then in there in my mind, she she has found something quite probably cancer. Alright, we’re gonna we’re gonna kind of wrap our head around this. And I sat there I have a picture of myself in this dimly lit room. In they call them capes, but they’re, they’re not like they they’re not they don’t offer any strength or they’re just this piece of fabric that just kind of drapes over you. And you know and I and I’ve thought about this many times I’m like Kate is just the wrong word because they don’t empower you in any way.
So she comes back and says, you can go get go ahead and get dressed. The Breast Health Navigator is going to come talk to you And I was like the what was the title? That is this what a breast health navigator like I don’t, okay. So this lady comes and she says, I’m gonna have you talk to the radiologist would like to speak with you, I’m going to come to my office. Okay, this is great. Like we’ve now gone like to a whole other level, we go to her office, he walks in, and he says, I want you to think about an inch is 24 centimeters, what we found is 16 was like, pretty rather big, okay? He said, If you were my wife, I would have you go get a biopsy and send it off to pathology.
And I said, Okay, so then then Breast Health Navigator takes me to the surgeon’s office. The medical system that I’m a part of has done a really good job. It’s it’s kind of designed like a circle. So you do your ultrasound and then you go to the office, and then you go to the go to the surgeon’s office and I walk in and I was I was fine at that point. Like I was like, okay, like this is we’re gonna get this figured out, we’re gonna find out what’s going on. And the sense of urgency that the Breast Health Navigator as well as the lady scheduling my visit with the surgeon, the the sense of urgency that they had is kind of what freaked me out. It was like, it was okay, like, I’m a little confused. And so and then the lady that was doing the scheduling said, Is there anyone I can call for you? And I it’s eight o’clock in the morning on a random Wednesday? No, no, like, Do you have a person? Like I don’t, you know, like you don’t?
I you know, I wanted to be like, Do you have a person to call on a random Wednesday at 8am. And that’s when I freaked out. And she took unplanned, right, unplanned you know, this was supposed to be my plan was that I was going to get to the appointment early. I took the earliest appointment I could get so that I could get to work early, after getting my coffee on the way to work. And, um, you know, my plan was completely shot. Like I was supposed to already be at work. So I said, No. And I and I started crying. That was kind of my moment. I think that was my moment of freakout because I you know, I never really had another one. I think I was so prepared. Like in my mind, by the time I got the official diagnosis, that it was going to be cancer, but I was just like, Okay, now it’s time to fight. Now it’s time to do this. So that was that’s kind of how it all started. I was like a whirlwind.
Oh, it just like, like I said, in like 30 minutes, maybe, you know, it was a lot. And then. So I went back that afternoon for the biopsy. And in the biopsy, my my then my now ex husband was was there and he was looking at the screen the doctor was and he said to her at one point, is that what you’re looking for? And she said yes. And then he said, Well, what does it look like? And without thinking she said cancer? And I was like, Cool. And it was like kind of that three second trigger? Oh, I’m not supposed to say that. telepathology comes back like, you could tell she was like, oh, but that’s also what an infection looks like, like, Oh, you wanna? I’m like, All right. Yeah. So yeah, I was kind of I was very much like, you’ve been doing this for like 10 years. If you can’t look at that screen and tell what that is. You should probably find another job. Like I was confident in her and her knowledge that her saying that it was cancer was the confirmation I needed. Like, I didn’t need to wait five days if she knew. And we could move forward. Like I get that. Like they need to know, the grade and the different little markers within the cells. But like she knew, all right, so now. So then I had to set on that for five days. I didn’t I didn’t want to go to anyone and say, oh, okay, cancer, like, and then it come back and it’d be an infection or, you know, I didn’t want to do that. And so, you know, I had to set on that. Well, you have to figure it out on your own. Yeah. Body and Mind. Right.
You have to have that time of of figuring it out.
Yeah. So then so that was Wednesday, Monday, she called me and she said, We got your pathology back and it is cancer. And I just said like, okay, here we go. We’re gonna do this. Um, she wanted to see me right away. I had I was the job that I had the time I was doing home visits with folks and I was 45 minutes from the office and the office was like, two minutes from the house. So I just said, Well, it’s gonna be like 45 minutes. And she said, Well, I can see you at 430. And I was like, perfect. Like, that gives me time to get back that gives my my husband time to be, you know, be there. And so then we met with her. And then that night I called, I had had to call my mom and I said, Hey, I need you to get my daughter from school. I have an appointment that’s gonna run late. And she was like, what kind of appointment why I need to, and I was like, Mom, like, I just have an appointment. I’ll talk to you this evening. So went to the appointment, found out what was good, you know, what the what the beginning stages of the plan was? Because the plan started out, well, we’ll give you a pill for five years, you know, we’ll take out the lump. It’s just like this little spot, and then you’ll be fine. Oh, okay. I like that plan. I’m done. I can pop a pill every day. Like, that’s fine. And it escalated like it went from to me that was like level one, it went from one to 11 really quickly.
They did some some more diagnostic testing and found it in my lymph node. And because it was in my lymph node, and because of the grade and all of the other factors, oh, so here’s what we’re going to do, we’re going to give you a port, you’re going to have five months of chemo, you need to make some surgical decisions. We need to do some genetic testing to find out if like you’re braca positive. What’s and it was like all of these in, I literally went from gets cancer to starting chemo in four weeks. And, and all of the diagnostic testing, I think, I think it was around like 15 different appointments to meet doctors and have tests. And it was a lot. And it’s an it’s I think you kind of start I think I kind of stopped breathing at one point. And yeah, I just like it was just like one hoop
after another was like you’re in a different movie.
Yeah, yeah. The movie like the script changed. Director changed. Yeah, all of it, it was completely completely different.
Um, how did that I don’t want to say epiphany, because it’s not an epiphany. But it’s certainly life changing. Like, if I hadn’t been lying there, and the technician had said those things to me, the sweat would have been pouring down the back of me, because your brain starts working. And so I would have gotten like, super hot, and then go to the other room where they said, This is what you’re now gonna do. Because then you had that wake up call? I, I guess, I mean, you have to feel grateful that it was rushed, and quick. And it seemed very organized the way they were doing it. I mean, that. Absolutely.
Yeah, it was definitely there. And I think that’s where, like my confidence, even now. So now, December will be five years that we kind of have kind of been doing this. And, you know, I’ve gone from from being 33 at diagnosis to now I’m 38. And I’m, you know, kind of looking down the barrel of 40. And I’m, you know, I’m a I’m excited, like, you know, I know, so many women, like I hear so many women kind of complaining about, oh, I’m going to be 40. And not to sound morbid, but like, that’s my life goal now, like, I want to make it to 40. And then I’ll change my life goal to 45. And like, you know, I said that to my mom the other day, and she was like, that’s not a great life goal. And I’m like, I’m not being morbid. Like, I want to see 40 Like, in a positive way, like so. I said, so many people are like, whoa, I’m going to be 30 year I’m going to be 40 and, and it’s like now, you know, I’m kind of looking forward to those milestones that maybe we don’t look forward to. And I think for you know, I think for me, like, I am such a planner, like I’m such a you know, I would I would go so far as to say like, control freak, that like I just needed the tech to say what it was like, Don’t tell me you can’t answer me like you’ve, you know, like, you’ve opened this can of worms.
You can’t put the worms back in there. So just tell me and so that’s for me that was more like now I have to change plans and I have to like figure out this whole new thing. And in that exact moment there were no definite answers. And that for me was like the nerve wracking thing like the thing that was like, but I’ve got to figure out like when it when am I going to do appointments around work and how am I going to do that? Like it was never Oh, I’m going to lose my hair or anything like that. It was just how am I going to fit this into the plan, right? Because it was messing up the plan.
So your divorce wasn’t the plan, obviously, no. And so, you know, and that’s gonna affect so many women listeners out there, or, or partners as well. Because when something happens, you either get closer and stronger, or you start the plan changes. And it’s good and bad, of course. But how did you deal with all of that at the same time as dealing with your five years of your breast cancer journey?
I think in that moment, it was, it was very clear to me that we were we were in two different places. We, you know, I was very much I’m ready to take on the world and cancer treatments over and I’ve gotten me all clear. And it’s like this is this is I’m moving forward, like, I’m ready to take, like I said, I want to take on the world. And I want I want to grow the business that I had started, I want to be able to do a good job at the job that I had, because they had supported me so well. While I was in treatment. i At that point, I had a an eight year old that I I wanted to continue to see thrive and grow and not not think about her childhood as my mom had cancer this one time.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. And so that was where my mind was. And I think we neither one of us knew how to support the other. But neither one of us was saying this is what I need. And so instead of instead of pushing to fix it, it was a for me it was I’m not going to be the only one working on it. Like, I’m not going to keep asking you once a week, what can I do better as your wife and get a girl you’re doing fine. Like I don’t I don’t need anything else from you. And vice versa, at right and vice versa. And I think for me, like I, if I don’t remember him asking and he may have. But in that moment, I don’t know that there was any, like, I didn’t know what I needed. Because I was so stuck on we’re going to move forward. And this is what we’re going to do. But it was just it was just like I’m not, we’re getting to a point where we’re going to be everything we don’t like in the relationships around us. And so instead of continuing to do this, and bringing our daughter up in that I’m done. Like, I can’t do this anymore. And that and that was just it was a very another very, like finite decision for me. And, um, I think I think my faith, honestly, like when it comes down to it, my belief in God and my faith and and the people that he’s brought around me and in the support that I have. That is one of that is like the main factor that has gotten me to this point is knowing Dr. Chu. Yeah, it’s knowing that I’m provides knowing that I’m provided for it’s knowing that I’m loved. It’s knowing that I, you know, if if I if I am willing to say alright, I have a need, I need this. He he has the Lord of my life has always provided for me. And so that at the end of the day is like, is like number one. And then I think number two is probably like genetically there are some very strong women in my life.
I’ve been blessed with two grandmothers who, who showed me very different sides of the female personality as far as like, my one grandmother was very, very gentle and she Stern, but she was also like very gentle. And we had this really great relationship where I can remember when I first started driving like I would take her to doctor’s appointments and Christmas shopping and like that seen that like seeing the strength that she had after losing my grandfather. When when I was 10 years old. But seeing the strength that she had continuing to live without him was was very empowering for me. And then my my other grandmother is kind of the opposite side of that coin where she she’s very, you know, this is this is life. Life’s tough. Like you got to look it in the eye and tell it to get out of your way and you don’t need a man you can be independent, like be able to take care of yourself.
And so having those two sides of the coin I think we’re very, very well much important to who I am. And then my, my great aunt took care of me when my parents worked when I was when I was a, you know, kind of an elementary age child. And so her support and love of me was just so unconditional that I never doubted I could do anything that I wanted, and not in a cocky way, but just in a powerful court, right? If you put forth the effort, you can do it. And so I never, I never thought to doubt myself, um, until you I mean, you hit a point in your life where you’re like, Oh, I can’t do anything. And you know, or that one thing doesn’t work out. And then you’re like, oh, no, I’m not as good as I thought I was. And then my mom is literally like, the strongest woman on the planet. She, I’m the oldest of five kids, and she’s had three back surgeries. And she, she was she became a stay at home mom and raised us and homeschooled us, and just the strength, the strength that she has shown us as, as her children, but then also her support of her community and her friends and, and just the way that she showed me what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus, because I feel like that’s something that we miss out on sometimes is that we’re supposed to support people. And we’re supposed to love people. Yeah, but we’re not just supposed to say it, we’re supposed to do it. And that’s the more important thing. And that’s what my mom did really well with as we grew up was she took care of us, but she also found time to take care of other people. And so having all of those strong women, you know, there was never a doubt in my mind that I could fight this and that I could. No, it sounds like she was your backbone.
Oh, absolutely. Right.
So, um, I know, we’re gonna get into a few of the tips and tricks that you have up your sleeve that you’ve created yourself. But, of course, that’s probably one of the tips that you talked about just now is support. You need a support team around you reps, absolutely.
I call I call my team, my pack. And my you know, without my pack, I, I wouldn’t I wouldn’t be here. You know, and that didn’t. That includes my daughter and my siblings and my parents. And then I have this amazing group of women who are also homeschool moms and who I attend church with and who are just amazing. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve had meals provided for myself and my daughter and trash taken off. And I you know, that support system is definitely very high, very high on the list. Definitely the top three sounds like it. Yeah. And the one things that I had written down was with which you covered as the support, but take your time, which you talked about before, when we had a discussion, you have to take your time, you have to give yourself grace. And that was something that I had to learn. I didn’t know that. My my first year of treatment, I did not take my time. I went through treatment, I went to work. I net, you know, I never missed a day at work. I still, you know, the only time I took off was when I had a double mastectomy. And that’s amazing. Yeah, I mean, I and it’s just I mean, that’s just how I do things. And so I yeah, I you know, I think that was for me that was planning the planning, but what I have learned is just you have to be kind to yourself.
And that is that. And I don’t think that was a lesson that I learned the first time around. And so I tried it. And I also like laughter is a huge key to like, I that’s good, too. You have to think about you know, that you have to find the joy in the moment. That’s one of the things that I try. I try really hard to do. I’m not great at it, but it’s one of the things. You know, I try not to like dwell on the fact that I’m in pain. I have a really high pain tolerance, but at the same time, like sometimes it’s exhausting just to be in pain. And so that’s what I what I feel like I’ve learned is that I have to I have to take the time. I schedule a rest day into my week. Oh, that’s a good idea.
There’s a day every week that I don’t do anything. Yeah, that and that’s kind of where that like taking the time that I need. That I’ve learned, like, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard like over the last few years like you need to read Unlike No, I don’t. Yes, I do. Like it. And, and I do. And so I, there’s, there’s a day and there’s nothing wrong with that it’s not, um, and it’s okay. And I think that’s, I think that maybe that’s what somebody needs to hear is that it’s okay to rest. Yeah, you will be far more productive if production is if being productive is what you want, or what whatever the outcome of your goal is, whether it’s the time and attention that you spend in the moment, or an activity that you want to do. If you give yourself time to rest, you’ll be better prepared for that thing that you want to do
to do. Yeah, the other thing I said, I have down here on my notes is, make sure you’re completely comfortable with your medical team. And you talked about that, because you had, you have to have trust and faith in in your team that you’re giving yourself to, for advice and support. Find support from others with cancer, which you also talked about, before we came on the show.
So and that was that was where my idea for a support to becoming a peer support specialist even came from because one of the things that I did that I realized was probably not the smartest thing was I took my art my creating. And and that part of me and I put it on the shelf. When I first got diagnosed, and there there was a little bit of creating there was every now and then I would be like, Oh, let me do this. And I would like spend time on it. But I didn’t prior to that, I would literally go to work and work my eight hours come home, we would eat dinner, we would do homework, bath time, whatever Put, put my daughter to bed, and then my husband would go and do whatever he was doing. And I would be at the workbench working. And so I was I was creating almost daily, even if it was just in like a doodle of an idea that I had like there was always that creative flow. And so I realized that there are probably other women who are getting diagnosed with cancer or even a chronic illness that are setting that that creativity on a shelf. And I genuinely believe if I had not kept it on the shelf that I had continued, even in little small ways to do that regularly, I would have not been as foggy. When I came out of cancer treatment, I feel like I would have been a little more, a little more clear, being able to think more clearly. And, and so it’s important to me to remind N men with cancer that are creative, it doesn’t have to be just women. But obviously, as a woman, women are kind of my first heart of as far as wanting to support them. But we’ve got to be creative. If we if we’re a creative being we have to be creative. And so that’s, that’s such an important factor for me at this point is that I want women to know that they’ve got someone who’s been there who’s done that, who I mean, I’ve got several T shirts, like we let’s Let’s walk together, let you know and, and allow me to that, to me, that would be an honor to be a part of their journey.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. As well as just getting out of your head and escaping. With creativity. That’s what allows you to do to take away the day’s hurt, pain, and really be able to focus on something exciting and something growing and something becoming something. It’s it’s, I don’t know, I’m the creative person as well. But there’s something more to it. And of course, art therapy is just a beautiful in art therapy is in any form, really. And so yeah, that’s that’s such a beautiful tip for everybody to find that something that you can escape into. Yeah. Um, so I have here seek out a social worker, which is probably part of your medical team, I would think right.
So I actually have have now met two wonderful social workers through through the hospital and they are they’re so supportive like in it and it’s crazy because like each of them approach things differently but they They bring they bring the ideas and the resources, there’s so many resources out there that you don’t have time you don’t know, you don’t know, you don’t know they’re out there and you don’t really, you’re not in a headspace necessarily, at least I wasn’t in the beginning to even think about, oh, let me Google this idea and see what kind of resources there are. But if you if you reach out to them, they there, there are so many resources that they have, like at their disposal, that they can just literally hand you pages and pages of websites. Information. Oh, it’s crazy. Yeah, there are so many in there so many organizations out there from organizations that will come and clean your house, if you’re in a certain stage of treatment. And then people that provide rides and meals and, and, you know, all kinds of I mean, it the reason, again, the resources are just really unlimited.
Yes, yeah. Awesome. Um, I have down here look into clinical trials.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. So I have been a part of I was a part of a clinical trial, when I had my mastectomy. And the idea was that we would see, the, the idea was how if rather than, like going in there, and taking every lymph node out, they only took the ones that they knew had cancer. And just a couple of round, and they literally, like, apparently, during surgery, kind of went to the computer, talk to the talk to the clinical trial nurse. And she punched in some numbers in the computer. And that determined how many how many lymph nodes they actually took. And so my, my magic number was 11 to two were involved, and the other nine were not. It did not eliminate lymphedema, I still have I call it my fat hand, because they’re they’re two very different sizes. And so, you know, which requires me to do other things. And so for the first two, two years, I believe it was every three to every three months, I had to go and have my my arms measured, to determine to determine the part of that trials to as Yeah, so they could measure, you know, how, how much how affected I was versus you know, versus other women, right? With lymphedema? Oh, that’s in there. And there are so many trials, we are currently waiting some results to determine whether or not I need to go on a trial for the the tumors in my liver. And so yeah, there are trials for any level of, of cancer treatment.
So that part just you just found out about that. New.
Yep. So the spot the spot in my liver has been there for a little while. But let’s see. So this is we’re in October. So the first of the year, we do I have to do scans every three months. So the first of the year, they thought they saw something but it wasn’t like big enough to be terribly concerned about. And then my next scan, it was almost like they were gone. And then scanned again. And they were like Oh, nope, the spots are really there. And then three months again, and they had actually doubled in size.
Wow, those sneaky little critters. Yeah, definitely ease. Yeah, so I actually had a liver biopsy where like, they literally just come up, punctured my stomach and took out a piece of the liver and that’s the results that we’re waiting on now like so the initial results show that it’s the same cancer that has been everywhere else. But we’re looking to see if there’s any type of mutation that maybe would would then put me into a trial into a different system.
Yeah. So the other thing and that’s funny because it says keep moving. Well that’s entirely what you’ve been doing. Yeah, no, absolutely. I you know, five years Yeah, like you’ve got to you’ve got to keep keep moving like one you know, one day at a time. Like you don’t have to move fast. You don’t have to like you’re you’re the only I read a quote recently the said the only person you’re trying to be better than is the person you were yesterday. And I was like, I like that like I like I’m not competing against anybody. It’s one day at a time. I’m definitely I had a friend. Tell me I set out I found I was doing this business. I was I have a business coach. And one of the one of the lessons in the curriculum that she created was to ask, ask the people around you, whether it’s clients, customers, friends, family, ask them what it is that you do.
And I was like, Oh, I don’t think I ever I don’t think I ever thought about like that. So I did. Like, I put a post on Facebook, I send it out in like an Instagram set it on Instagram, I put it out in Snapchat. And one of my friends said, you, you are a cheerleader for other women. I was like, Don’t go. I like that. Like I didn’t, I don’t think I realized like I am, like, I want to see everybody succeed. But I don’t think I realized that I was putting it out there. Yeah, that I was as loud about it, or you? No, that’s it. Yeah, I really, I really appreciated like that feedback from her. But it’s true. Like I I want to see whether it’s a woman in Crisis or not in crisis, or a woman, you know, just live in her everyday life, like I want to see her succeed. And so that’s and that, I think that too, is where the desire to do peer support came from. And and, and so I wanted to combine that desire to peer support with the create, like, keeping creativity, like ever present, right. And so that’s, that’s where it came from.
the last tip was get peace of mind, which kind of ties into what you created for cancer patients, your or disabled. People really, I guess it’s Friday, you want to talk about what you created to make life easier.
Yeah, so I, um, I think I have mine with me. The the front cover of my binder actually just has stickers on it from different trips, I’m a sticker a Holic. Um, and so I find them anywhere ago, but I created two things. One is a planner. And this is terrible at the ankles. So it’s a planner and a journal all in one. And the idea, you know, I just really love kind of like the the daily page has got it, it’s literally got everything.
So minus I did it in two versions and minus the cancer version. And so there’s a little block at the bottom that says any any symptoms that might have experienced today and I write them down. Now that I’m back in active treatment, with i, i will be inactive treatment for the rest of my life. Just because of metastatic but I’m back on IV chemo so like there’s a little block to say number of days since chemo and then which number treatment, it was a spot to remind yourself to be grateful and to drink water and to move your body and your your mood and the day’s goals.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. And did you remember your meds cuz I actually forgot them one day, like a week ago, and I haven’t done that in forever. I was like, I like I get halfway where I’m going and I’m like, I didn’t take my meds. I’m like, This is gonna be an interesting day, I want to know how this I want to see how this plays out. But then, you know, I’ve got a chore chart and right remind myself to do self care every day, even if it’s it’s trying to get my coffee by myself for five minutes or reminding myself to rest those sorts of things. It’s those little things that we do that are good for us. And so I need to remind you to do them, right. And so that that’s really what like the daily, it’s daily on the back of it, it’s completely blank with lines to journal. And so because I feel like those two encompass one another, like you can you can actually track this and say, Hey, this is how the weather was today. And I had a headache and because I know for right, when the when the barometric pressure changes, I get a headache. And like it’s no doubt it’s going to rain if I have headache, like always. And so like it’s, but it’s also good to be able to remember that or to be aware of it too, or too so that so that you know how to take care of yourself and write a second thing that I created. I call it my all in medical, it’s called all in medical binder.
And I’ve redesigned it a little bit, just kind of playing around and working with a I’m working with a graphic designer because that is not my forte. Um, but I also felt really good because she actually has a degree in graphic design and she was like, you have a good eye and I’m like, Thanks. I appreciate that. But So it literally would print out like this, you can get it as a digital download both of these you can get as a digital download, or for you can just kind of have me put it together for you. And so I would print it out and put it in binder and ship it to you. But then in the medical binder, it’s that idea of getting organized. And that idea of having things at hand. So in there, you’ve got a place for your personal information, your medical history, the medications that you’re currently taking.
There’s I have a whole section of some of symptom trackers, because I think sometimes we forget, it’s like, Well, did I sleep? How am I sleeping? You know, how are how are my bowel movements? How are How is my pain? How is you know, do I haddock? How is my headache, like those types of things. And so I created a, an entire group of cysts of symptom trackers that go in the medical binder, you could also just print those out and put them with the journal, I keep some of them with a journal. So that I have that particular symptom is on one page, and I don’t have to like flip through every page. It also has a spot for family medical history, any work records that you may have needed for if it were a car accident, as opposed to a cancer diagnosis, or a work accident, then you have all of that paperwork right
together to go. So when you’re going through something like you are, right. And it’s funny because we have so much in common with creating this backup plan. And yours, of course goes hand in hand with receiving this incredible new journey that you have to ride. And and into more depth. Whereas mine is very, it’s before anything happens. It’s, it’s get your crap together before it happens so that you have somewhere to go to to find it. Right? You have, you know, your sister can find it, or your daughter can find it or your husband can find it. Of course, but yours is, is a it’s so perfect for a daily journal to track how you’re feeling and what you can be able to talk to your practitioner about next time, right?
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. Because otherwise you you there’s so many look at you forgot your medicine. So I mean, there’s so many things your day moves on, you can’t stop your day, right? But you get muffled in that, and you get into the real daily mode, school kids work, you know, right, all of that. So this is perfect. This is such a helpful tool to have that person take a moment and put down in their information.
Yeah, no, and I you know, and I’ve even noticed I was telling a girlfriend the other day, like my water intake, which we all need water, we’re like plants, we need water, we need fresh air and, and I, I have increased my water intake, just by using this, like I you know, knowing that I’m holding myself accountable. Is is so important. And I think that that’s, you know, that’s the thing, you know, that’s that’s the point of having a tribe and having a group of people like yeah, me and five people could be doing the planner, and I you know, I can say hey, did you color in your what your water raindrops like that’s, and I think that that’s the great thing. You know, I have a girlfriend who has severe headaches and I sent it to her and I said, Hey, I want you to like try this. See if it works for you give me some feedback. And and she was so funny. We got together like two weeks ago, and she’s like, I’ve been having headaches and dividend and she’s like, like, as she’s talking to me.
She’s like, Oh, and it’s not like somebody didn’t give me you know, an attempts. a tangible thing to track this. And I’m like, I don’t know who that could have been. But yeah, I mean, that’d be great if you had one of those. And we both kind of chuckled and so but again, like Holding, holding your it holds yourself but also hold you can hold one another accountable. And I think absolutely where the tribe comes in. And that’s where you know, the group of people that you surround yourself with, like, that’s right, it all comes back to the support and the love that we need to go through each day to recover.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I say that all the time. You know, the only thing that’s gonna help us recover is love. Truly us and we can get it in all shapes and sizes. And support is one of them and it benefits us extremely. So Of course, with your backup plan, having similar type of information so that you can focus on the present time and getting better. How do you think that affected you with what you’re going through right now? In? Did you? You know, did it make you think differently, I better? You know, I better get my crap together, I better start thinking about what if I can’t walk one day or I’m stuck in bed? Like, what if somebody has to pay my bills for me? And if it’s not me, who is it? Right? You know, all those kinds of things? Did you start thinking about that?
So I will say it, honestly, it to begin with no, um, it definitely took the metastatic diagnosis, coupled with now I’m single, and I have metastatic breast cancer. And this is going to be a little bit harder to navigate and work. So now I’m on disability, and I have an 11 year old and then like, all like in all of that, then now we’re in a pandemic, and like, there’s all of these things going on. And so definitely, in the last, like, I’d say, a year and a half, maybe two years, I’ve started to think about and I’ve started to make a list of things that I need to take care of, so that should I not be able to take care of them. Right. Then they’re you know, and I think that, you know, that’s one of one of the things that the journal slash planner as well as the medical binder, like that’s where they, that’s where they stemmed from was this desire of, okay, I need to get this stuff organized. You know, what if I’m in the bed one day, and my 11 year old has to call 911? Within, like, how is she going to remember all of my information? But oh, wait, I can describe mom’s binder. And that’s got it all in there. And so that’s where, like, that’s where those thoughts came from?
Yeah, um, so yeah, pits us as to Yeah, no, definitely no, why?
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. I don’t know why it takes us all. Something to happen before we actually realize it.
Well, and I have said that so many times before, like, I, we’re, you know, again, as as in Scripture, it says, like, you don’t know when you’re gonna die. So live each day and be in the moment. But even even as a Christian, like, I wasn’t doing that we get on this, like rat race, have I achieved this, I’ve got to do that. And I have to get a new job, or I have to get that car that house, that vacation, whatever it is, and none of those things are necessarily bad. But the the, we’re not taking the time that we need to enjoy life as and to be present in the moment. And it does, it takes something catastrophic, whatever, whatever that catastrophe is, for the realization that I need to spend every day being in the moment. Mm hmm.
Absolutely. And I talk about that. Every show, every show, because it’s so important that we don’t miss out on it’s the regret, that we can’t take away. It’s that moment that you know, you certainly don’t want your daughter sitting beside you at the hospital bed, saying mom, you know, where’s this? Where’s that? Where’s this? Right? You don’t want that you want her to be beside you saying, you know, it’s going to be okay, Mom, we’re gonna get through this way. You know, we we want to be present in the moment to recover. However, that looks like partially, fully, or, or on the other side, whatever that looks like. Right? Um, but we can’t when we’re all messed up and worried and stressed about, well, you know, who’s going to pay the electricity? Who’s going to pick up the dog and the cat because they can’t be alone in the house? Who’s going to look after my daughter for two weeks while I’m in for surgery? Who’s gonna who’s gonna do this? And where do I find that payment for that? And where are my accounts? I don’t even know like, right, all of those things, right? And it’s, it’s incredibly burdensome, Bert burdensome. Is that a word?
I don’t know. But it sounds good. Like, that makes so much sense because it is.
Yeah, it is and you don’t need it? When? When you have enough? Yes, in your body to worry about, like you, I get to the point sometimes where I’m just like, Okay, make it that part go away because I can’t I can’t focus on that. I can’t even think about that right now. I have to just concentrate on on this. Yes. And, um, when you’re in that mode of job, school kids courses, career, you know, the boss didn’t like you today or didn’t like what happened today or all of this crap that you get to a point in your body when there’s something wrong with it, that it really doesn’t matter. Right? It doesn’t, although you want it, it affects you. But you need to push it away somehow. And I love I like the idea of the daily journal because it, it helps you point that out to your mind, because your mind needs to be balanced with what’s going on. And yeah, so I really like that idea of of that. Well, I hope your backup plan will be able to help you and your daughter because it’s a whole other avenue and you’re by yourself. Geez.
You know, talking about sometimes spouses don’t even know how to how the other one pays the bills. Yeah, sometimes, you know, and who what about your social media accounts? We’re in this digital world now. And you’re, you need to make plans for your little business. What you want happen to that? Do you want your daughter to look after it? You want your girlfriend? You know, what do you want done with all of those things. So of course, those are different from your daily journal. And I know and I realized that you have to get through each day. And I really like what you’ve put together to empower people in that day to think about cheese. You know, I’m really grateful for what that happened today. That really sucked. But this was really good. Yeah, no, I
love like, looking back through it. And like, you know, for me, like, like you you said in, in my, in my intro about being auntie and Mama like those, like, those moments with my, with my nieces and nephews are are things that like when I have a day with them, or I have time with them, like, they just kind of remind, like, just being there is what is what kind of grounds me and and just kind of it’s like, oh, well, nothing else really matters. Like no, I just spent time laughing and having a great time. And so being able to look back and like write down Oh, we did this with this one or that. And it’s just it’s great.
TIPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD AFTER METASTATIC BREAST CANCER. It’s your escape route? Yeah, for sure. Your escape time. That’s beautiful. Well, did you have any final messages you’d like to give to listeners, I think just you know, just remembering to enjoy each day is kind of its that’s, that is so important. And, and give yourself a day and kind of get your stuff get your affairs in order. And, and I don’t mean like, you don’t have to huge detail, but just the important things like this is where the medical paperwork is. Whether you find my binder and choose to use that or find another one or just put something together yourself those important things, have them easily accessible. There.
You know, there are definitely times when there has come a time that you know, I need you’re gonna need those things. And yeah, and you’re not you’re not ready. I mean, I certainly wasn’t like I said, like he said, like, I was 33 when I was diagnosed, I wasn’t I wasn’t thinking about, you know, I think I somewhere in the back of my mind, you know, when I was like 60 or 70 I might get you know, I would possibly get cancer. Yeah, both sides of my family, but I certainly wasn’t like, Oh, I’ll be 33 And let me be prepared and have all of my so I think those those are the two things. It’s okay to be prepared. That doesn’t mean that you need to spend every day worrying. Just be prepared and then enjoy every day.
Exactly. Absolutely. I say that a lot as well. Well, thank you Randy. That was beautiful. That was a great message at the end a summary basically. So please, all my listeners, please take a moment and subscribe to our channel and click on that bell and you know I have a yellow hand and because I cleaned up my area I forgot where I put my yellow. So subscribe down here. Click on that bell and I always say ring my bell ring my bell down there. In the corner for all those people who love those 70 songs. And if you are thinking about someone right now, while you’re listening to the show, someone you love and you care about, please reach out to them. You know, we have those things called phones still. We have facetime when it’s working, not like yesterday. And we have Skype and zoom, and all of those things for you text messages, emails, we have that moment where you can take this moment right now. Reach out to that person you love and care about, and tell them how much you love them, because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. So stay tuned everyone to our podcast and our live streams. I have great conversations with some of the most interesting and accomplished people in the world today. I think you’ll be entertained and informed and hope that we have inspired you and motivated you to start thinking about your unique plan. You know, no one is Superman. So expect the unexpected. And thank you to all of our listeners. We are now into our successful second season of our show. We’ve had you’ve had you’ve all had my back and I want to thank you all you. We have our show is on all podcast platforms. We are on Youtube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter and Tik Tok and Facebook.
We also have a Facebook group for those like minded community so that you can share your backup plan ideas and journey and so see the description box down below. Thank you for sharing your time with us. I love each and every one of you. And I always end with Carol Burnett because she made us all laugh and I’m right there with Randy and thinking about laughter is the best. So I’m so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song seems we just get started and before you know it comes the time we have to say so long. So so long, everyone be kind stay safe. During this pandemic. It doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. Much love much. Thank you so very much, Randy, for coming on our show. Thank you so very much. And thank you to all our listeners are love each and every one of you be kind and stay safe. Thanks everybody.
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