Dating after a loss is difficult to say the least. To be positive and upbeat with the new person, or just not sure how much to open up with a new love in your life. How do you start the process of staying positive, mysterious and at the same time open up to your past??
“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.” Joey Adams
This journey of this path to love is our interview with Jonathan Aslay, America’s leading Mid-Life Dating and Relationship Coach. His tips and tricks to understanding the sacredness of your sorrow, to expressing yourself in a manner that will be positive and uplifting to a new relationship.
His first secret tip, is to have and practice Self Love.
“The very process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love.” https://www.jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove/
“In fact, once I realized how widespread and vitally important this issue is, I began incorporating that focus into my individual coaching practice, then wrote an entire book on the topic—“What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway?”—a #1 Amazon best-seller packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices.” https://www.jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove/
Self-Love the Book: http://www.selflovethebook.com
What is Self Love?
According to Wikipedia, Self-love, defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, synonymous with amour propre, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism, et al. However, throughout the centuries self-love has adopted a more positive connotation through pride parades, Self Respect Movement, self-love protests, the hippie era, the New Age feminist movement as well as the increase in mental health awareness that promotes self-love as intrinsic to self-help and support groups working to prevent substance abuse and suicide. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love
“Before a person is able to practice it, first we need to understand what it means.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
According to BBRF Foundation:
What does self-love mean to you?
“For starters, it can mean:
- Talking to and about yourself with love
- Prioritizing yourself
- Giving yourself a break from self-judgement
- Trusting yourself
- Being true to yourself
- Being nice to yourself
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself
For many people, self-love is another way to say self-care. To practice self-care, we often need to go back to the basics and
- Listen to our bodies
- Take breaks from work and move/stretch.
- Put the phone down and connect to yourself or others, or do something creative.
- Eating healthily, but sometimes indulge in your favorite foods.
Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first.
How and Why to Practice Self Love
“So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well. These things may be in the form of eating healthy, exercising or having healthy relationships.
Ways to practice self-love include:
- Becoming mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want.
- Taking actions based on need rather than want. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
- Practicing good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
- Making room for healthy habits. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. Do stuff, not to “get it done” or because you “have to,” but because you care about you.” https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
Thank you Jonathan Aslay for your wisdom, bravery and courage to discussing a very difficult topic but at the same time making it understandable for both Women and Men looking for Love.
FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► https://jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Join My VIP Group for $7– https://jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove
How Men Choose Their SoulMate (FREE Gift) https://www.jonathonaslay.com/gift/
Self-Love the Book: http://www.selflovethebook.com
The “What Would Love Do?” Podcast https://www.jonathonaslay.com/categor…
Recommended Books https://www.jonathonaslay.com/jonatho…
“While we try to teach our children all about Life, our children teach us what Life is all about”, Angela Schwindt
Our interview this week with Barbara Oxenham, a survivor of Life. Dealing with Life not as planned is truly someone who by the end of the Podcast you will have respect and admiration for her struggles and journey in her life. What an outstanding story of courage, and living with mental health issues in her family and how to overcome the tribulations. I have so much respect and love for Barbara and her family for then and now. We love you Barbara and what you represent. Our story starts with family dynamics and how to deal with mental health obstacles. You won’t want to miss this one!
Dealing with Life not as planned is a real life story of a journey with a family, loving mother, loving hard-working military father, a daughter, and a son with mental health issues. Nothing seemed to appear as the kids were growing up through their adolescent years until they reached their leaving the nest, their early 20’s.
What happened, will we ever know? Do we ever really know what happens with your kids, your brother, or sister or even friend when they reach this point in life.?
“There’s no way around it: the world is really scary right now. Now that Coronavirus is sweeping the globe as a pandemic, we’re all afraid for the health of ourselves and our loved ones. People all across the world are pinching pennies to make rent and support their families. Parents are forced to put their work (and potentially income) on hold to homeschool their kids… that is if their kid is even old enough for school. If not, then they suddenly need to provide 24/7 childcare while keeping up a job. And, everyone everywhere must stay away from social situations. It’s scary. And isolating. And lonely. Yet, we have the tools at our fingertips to help each other. Even in isolation, we’re still connected”.
“What do you do when you’re worried that a child might be feeling suicidal? First and foremost, it’s important that you talk to him about your concerns in a calm, non-accusatory manner. Sometimes when parents are very worried, they end up saying, “Don’t think this way,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way,” and they come across not as loving and caring, as intended, but as critical. Children respond negatively to that. So you really need to be as calm and non-accusatory as you can when talking to them.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Show the love
It may seem obvious to you that you love your children, and that they know you love them. But when they’re having a hard time, kids need to hear over and over again from you how much you love them, and how much you care about them. It’s not good enough to just say, “You know I love you.” You need to convey that in small and big ways. These days, we all have so many things we’re juggling that kids can end up unsure of where they fit in, and whether you really have time for them. Let them know how important they are to you.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
“It’s also important to validate a child’s feelings. You want to make statements that express empathy for her distress: “It sounds like that was really difficult.” “I know how painful that can be.” “I know what that’s like. I’ve felt that way.” Telling them not to feel that way, to “pull it together,” isn’t as helpful as saying, “What is it that you’re concerned about, and how can I help you?” If you’re really concerned about your child it’s important that you encourage him to get professional help, and that you convey that getting help isn’t weak, but something you would respect him for doing, and that you would work together to accomplish.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Prioritize the positive
“Another important way to prevent suicidal behavior is to prioritize interacting with your child in positive ways. Some times we get into a sort of vicious cycle with a child. The child does something concerning; the parent gets critical; the kid does something more concerning; the parents get more upset. All interactions turn contentious. Interacting in positive ways means doing fun things together, hanging out and chatting about things that aren’t controversial, that aren’t difficult.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
“So choose your battles wisely with your kid. It’s part of normal development for adolescents to rebel, and you need to pick what you’re going to set limits about, and the rest of the time you want to focus on the positive connections. It also helps to try to increase your child’s involvement in positive experiences. Kids who are involved in a lot of engaging or fun activities tend to fare better. Your goal as a parent is to reassure struggling kids that they won’t feel like this forever, and you can help do this by promoting positive experiences. When kids feel suicidal it’s often because they feel hopeless and can’t imagine things being better.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Stay in touch
“It’s also really important to monitor your child’s whereabouts when they aren’t with you, whether online or out of the house. You can’t stop your kids from texting and Facebooking and using Twitter. That’s normal social interaction at this point. So you need to get on Facebook yourself, learn how to tweet, learn how to text. And use those channels to stay on top of what your kids are doing.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Know your child’s friends
“In the “real” world, it’s also critical to know your child’s friends—to have a good sense of who they are and to have a connection with them. Sometimes it’s harder the older your kids get, but it’s really important you do that. You should know the parents of their friends and be in touch with them, too. And you want to communicate regularly with your child’s school to ensure her safety and care in the school setting. Don’t hesitate to use the school and the people in the school as partners in your child’s care when you have concerns.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
“But again, the crucial first step: If you think your child might be suicidal, talk with him about it, ask him about suicidal thoughts. Sometimes people are afraid that if they talk about it it will make suicidal thoughts more real, and suicide more likely to happen. But the truth is that if a child feels that he has someone safe in the family that he can talk to, he feels better. He feels more understood. He feels like there’s more empathy for him. And that gives you an opening to explain the value of psychotherapy, and possibly medication for the feelings that are causing him so much pain.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Find a clinician who’s a good match
“To get a referral to a mental health professional, you can consult your child’s doctor or a psychologist at his school. I recommend that you look for a mental health professional who has experience with suicidal teenagers. Not everybody is comfortable with, or has experience with kids who are suicidal. And when you’re interviewing people, it’s important to pick somebody you—and your child—feel comfortable with. So if your son says, “I just can’t connect with him; I don’t feel comfortable with him,” you want to take that seriously. Of course, if he does that with the second person and then the third person, at some point you may need to say, “Well, of these three people, who did you feel best with?”” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Participate in therapy
“And once you’ve found a clinician, participate actively in therapy with your child. You need to be a partner in your child’s therapy. The more the child feels like you really care, the better. And that’s not just one parent. When somebody in the family is suicidal it’s a family affair, and everybody needs to help out and be engaged.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
“There are several kinds of therapy that have been shown in research trials to be particularly useful for suicidal kids. One is cognitive behavioral therapy, and that helps change kids’ thoughts, which in turn changes their feelings and their actions. And dialectical behavior therapy is another approach. It’s a more mindfulness-based approach, and we know that that’s helpful for particular types of suicidal kids, particularly those who have what’s called borderline personality disorder, and lots of suicidal thoughts. And, finally, some kids, particularly those who are seriously depressed or anxious or have ADHD, may benefit from medication in combination with psychotherapy.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
Take emergency measures
“Of course, if you’re worried that if you don’t do something right now your child will attempt suicide, you need to call 911, or whatever the emergency mental health access number is in your community, or take your child to the hospital. Suicidal thoughts or behaviors are an emergency, and must be considered as such.” https://childmind.org/article/youre-worried-suicide/
“A serious public health problem, suicide is one of the leading causes of death in children and adolescents.” https://blog.chocchildrens.org/suicide-prevention-what-parents-need-to-know/
“And while suicide and depression are interwoven, other triggers of suicidal thoughts and actions can include a romantic relationship breakup, failing in school, being bullied, or experiencing abuse, loss or other trauma.” https://blog.chocchildrens.org/suicide-prevention-what-parents-need-to-know/
“Here’s what parents need to know about suicide prevention:
1. Know the warning signs
- Pay attention to children talking about wanting to die or kill themselves, feeling hopeless, having no reason to live, or being a being a burden to others.
- Suicide notes are a very real sign of danger and should always be taken seriously. These notes may be in the form of letters, emails, social media posts or text messages.
- If someone has attempted suicide in the past, they are more likely to try again.”
- Watch for children making final arrangements like saying goodbye to friends; giving away prized possessions; or deleting social media profiles, pictures or posts.
- Making sudden dramatic changes can be a sign too. Watch out for teens withdrawing from friends and family; skipping school or classes; becoming less involved in activities that were once important; avoiding others; having trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time; suddenly losing or gaining weight; or showing a disinterest in appearance or hygiene.
- A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns or pills, or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan.
- Sudden risky behaviors can indicate suicidal thoughts. Watch for increased use of alcohol or drugs, showing rage or talking about seeking revenge. Self-injury is also a warning sign for young children and teenagers.
2. If you have any suspicion, ask your child if they are thinking about killing themselves. This will not put the idea into their head or make them more likely to attempt suicide.
3. Listen to your child without judgement and let them know you care.
4. Help your child stay engaged in their usual coping activities life family activities and sports.
5. If your child is in danger, stay with them or ensure they are in a private, secure place with another caring person until you can get further help.
6. Remove any objects that could be used in a suicide attempt like medications, guns, sharp knives, ropes or cords, or cleaning products.
7. If danger of self-harm or suicide is mounting, call 911.
8. Know your resources.
“Find a therapist by calling CalOptima Behavioral Health at 855-877-3885 or checking with your insurance provider on its website or phone number printed on the back of your card. Here are other ways to get help for a child having suicidal thoughts: Call the MHSA Suicide Prevention Line at 877-727-4747 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. Text CONNECT to 741741. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.” https://blog.chocchildrens.org/suicide-prevention-what-parents-need-to-know/
“The LifeLine App is the National free Suicide Prevention and Awareness App that offers access and guidance to support for those suffering in crisis and those who have suffered the devastating loss of a loved one from suicide. The LifeLine App also provides awareness education and prevention strategies to guide people in crisis all across the Globe.” https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-lifeline/id752509889
“The LifeLine App was developed as a centralized hub to connect people with accredited resources in Canada and throughout the world. We encourage as many people as possible to install the app and take advantage of the incredible amount of information and guidance it offers.” https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-lifeline/id752509889
Whether you are struggling with a child’s mental health in some shape of form or you know someone that you can help today, reach out and pass on this podcast, pass on this blog to other’s that it may a difference. You just don’t know what will work, what will make that difference! We haven’t even discussed the part after, surviving this grief.
SURVIVING YOUR CHILD’S SUICIDE
“The suicide of a child of any age presents unique circumstances that can intensify and prolong the mourning process for parents, family members and friends. Suicide is believed to be a reaction to overwhelming feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness and depression. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in the United States among 10-14 year olds and 15-24 year olds, and the second leading cause among 25-34 year olds.” https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
“While mental illness often plays a role in suicide, not everyone who dies by suicide is mentally ill. Some families have experienced years of treatments, hospitalizations and medications with their child, while some experience none at all.” https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
“Sometimes there are warning signs of the person’s intentions. However, clues may be so disguised that even a trained professional or counselor may not recognize them. Occasionally there are no discernible signs and the child’s suicide becomes a catastrophic decision that may never be understood.” https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
“There is a change taking place in the terminology when talking about suicide. The term “died by suicide” is being adopted. This new language is reflective of the changes in our understanding and compassion as we move away from the harsh statement and stigma of the words “committed suicide”, which can be offensive to families whose children have taken their own lives.” https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
“Be kind, be compassionate, be there for each other”, Tina Ginn
Tina Ginn with YOUR BACKUP PLAN puts your life in 1-place in preparation of any unpredictable circumstance while taking the painful aftermath out of any tragedy! Whether you are a senior, retired, single, or have a family you will want to get this APP for yourself to be more organized!
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/yourbackupplan
#emergencypreparedness #yourbackupplan #yourbackupplanapp #planb #motorcycleaccident #caraccident #planning #exitplan #tragedy #tragedies #disaster #disasterpreparedness #emergencypreparedness #financialplanning #estateplanning #emergency #cancer #stroke #heartattack #survivor #cancersurvivor #rehab #recovery #lifeinsurance #disability #willsandestates #wills #powerofattorney #grief #lossandgrief #sadness #death #podcast #blog #mentalhealth #mentalillness #lupus #autoimmune #lifestory #realpeoplerealstories #suicide #addictions #addicted #overdose #drugoverdose #tragedystrikes #storms #hurricane #flooding #earthquakes #disasters #covid19 #talkingtaboo #talkingtaboowithtina #podcasts #life #livestream #youtube #funeral #funeralplanning #burial #cemetery #lifesdecisions #yourkids #yourfamily #lossofalovedone
“I’m still coping with my trauma, but coping by trying to find different ways to heal it rather than hide it”, Clemantine Wamariya
What an amazing story of Phil Holland, our Podcast Guest Interview this week! A Police shooting of an Innocent Pizza Delivery man one day in 2014.
Police brutality is the excessive use of force by law enforcement. It can be legally defined as a civil rights violation in which officers exercise undue or excessive force against a person, according to Wikipedia!
Amid questions, officers cleared of shooting innocent deliveryman
by Mensah M. Dean, Posted: April 24, 2017
The three lawyers had just come back from a paint-and-sip class and were sitting in a car that night, April 22, 2014, when gunfire interrupted their conversation.
Each said she thought she was watching a carjacking unfold just before 10 p.m. at Willows Avenue and 51st Street in West Philadelphia.
PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — A take-out food delivery driver who sued after two police officers opened fire on his vehicle in West Philadelphia, has won a multi-million dollar settlement, just as jury selection was to start.
It’s also changed the way in which the department trains its officers.
“This is the largest settlement, to my knowledge, in a police shooting case by far, in the city of Philadelphia.”
Attorney Thomas Kline says it’s in the top ten in the country; the others were all police-related fatal shootings.
The City of Philadelphia will pay $4.4 million to 23-year-old Phil Holland, who was wounded in 2014 by plainclothes officers responding to reports of gunfire around 51st Street and Willows Avenue. He had just delivered some food, and was confronted by armed men.:
“He thought they were robbing him. Phil hHolland was a pizza delivery man, in this case delivering a hamburger.”
Kline claims the officers did not identify themselves.
“They shot him down – 14 bullets into his car, three hitting him, one squarely into his face.”
Kline says Holland still lives in pain, and suffers from frequent seizures.
The City of Philadelphia agreed to change its training protocol for plainclothes officers, placement and display of patrol badges, and how and when to identify themselves.
There were two Philadelphia police related fatal shootings in 2011, settled for $2.5-million. ~ https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2017/01/06/city-announces-4-4m-settlement-in-2014-accidental-shooting-of-pizza-delivery-man/
Our Podcast this week is a story of courage, and strength and forgiveness to being in the Wrong place at the wrong time! His story that will inspire you to have the courage to evolve to a better person and help police departments to have better training in the field. It’s really amazing how with 14 bullets only 3 hit him! And the 3 bullets that hit him are surprisingly recoverable. I can’t believe the Angels were by his side!
People shot to death by U.S. police, by race 2017-2020
Published by Statista Research Department, Jan 5, 2021 Sadly, the trend of fatal police shootings in the United States seems to only be increasing, with a total 999 civilians having been shot, 226 of whom were Black, in 2020. In 2018, there were 996 fatal police shootings, and in 2019 this figure increased to 1,004. Additionally, the rate of fatal police shootings among Black Americans was much higher than that for any other ethnicity, standing at 34 fatal shootings per million of the population as of December 2020.
Police brutality in the U.S.
In recent years, particularly since the fatal shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri in 2014, police brutality has become a hot button issue in the United States. The number of homicides committed by police in the United States is often compared to those in countries such as England, where the number is significantly lower.
Black Lives Matter
The Black Lives Matter Movement, formed in 2013, has been a vocal part of the movement against police brutality in the U.S. by organizing “die-ins”, marches, and demonstrations in response to the killings of black men and women by police.
While Black Lives Matter has become a controversial movement within the U.S., it has brought more attention to the number and frequency of police shootings of civilians.” ~https://www.statista.com/statistics/585152/people-shot-to-death-by-us-police-by-race/