GRIEF WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?
Grief what do you want with me and everybody else? “Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. Grief is the price of LOVE!”
Our Podcast interview with Victoria Volk this week was very informative and interesting to discover things about yourself and others as well. We discussed all of the many types of grief that you could experience. Grief is not only for a personal person loss but it also cover many other losses as well. The loss of a pet, the loss of a job, the loss of a partner, not the actual physical absence of a person but their presence, divorce, the loss of a child, the loss of a limb, or the loss that you are unable to have a child perhaps.
What are some of the things that people will say about Grief and Loss? The most common is, “it’s hard”. Why is it so hard? Because “when you are grieving, you experience many different thoughts and feelings.”
“As strange as your emotions may seem, they are a true expression of where you are right now. Rather than deny or feel victimized by your feelings, we want to help you learn to recognize and learn from them.”
“Naming your feelings and acknowledging them are the first steps to dealing with them. It’s actually the process of becoming friendly with your feelings that will help you heal.”
“Also keep in mind that feelings are not good or bad. They just are. If you’re feeling a feeling as you’re grieving, that simply means you need to explore it and find healthy ways to express it.”~https://www.centerforloss.com/grief/im-seeking-help/
“Find a place to be quiet and alone with your thoughts and feelings. In these moments of solitude, learn to check in with yourself about the death. Ask yourself, ‘What am I thinking about feeling right now about this loss?’ Allow your thoughts and feelings to surface without judgment. Look your grief in the face and say hello to it.” — Dr. Alan Wolfelt
A few of the feelings we will encounter are:
- Shock and numbness- these feelings are normal and required to help you move on with life and will begin to fade over time. Be kind and gentle right now with your feelings. Perhaps seek some professional help or counselling, or even support from friends and family.
- Denial and Disbelief- believe or not but these feelings are normal. I wish I could tell you otherwise! And they too will fade over time as you deal with those little things that keep poking their heads out. Accept any support for those you love and trust around you. Remember be easy on yourself, one day at a time!
- Disorganization and confusion- I’m not really sure what is going on in your mind here. I am definitely not a therapist or doctor but it does happen! It’s like your head space goes into this dark space or hole and you can’t see the forest for the trees! Does that make sense? Every day tasks, or work become challenging to get your head around! Or very confusing to your mind. Limit your commitments so that you can stay centered around the usual everyday lifestyle. That’s enough to handle.
- Searching and yearning: You can’t think straight. Your brain goes into overload and you can’t even if you tried to eliminate any junk, it’s actually impossible. You will need incredible amount of time to process things in your head. Make written notes, tasks, and weekly to do lists. Try avoiding any necessary decisions until you feel more whole again.
- Anxiety, panic and fears: It is normal again, to feel anxious and afraid after a loss. Because now you wonder about yourself. You wonder if you can handle this, what will happen next, and how will you overcome such an obstacle. A lot of us become prisoners in our own minds. Which we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or another expression would be can’t see the light around a doorway in the dark room. If fear is the ultimate underlying issue, seek some help to deal with those feelings. If you experience any panic attacks or anxiety , find solutions and talk to a therapist or other avenues to heal your own soul.
- Explosive emotions: A few of these would look like anger, hate, blame, terror, resentment, rage, and jealousy. Again very normal to the situation! Beneath them are normally feelings of pain, helplessness, frustration, fear, and hurt. This could be inward feelings that you need to look at. This is all YOU! Your mind, all stuck in your own mind! In Tarot we would say, the swords! This is very risky if you don’t look at these inward feelings because it can lead to low self-esteem, depression, guilt, physical issues, and even thoughts of suicide. You have two avenues for dealing with your anger—outward or inward. The outward feelings can lead to healing where if you keep things stuck in your mind, this does not do any healing! Find ways to create love, harmony, laughter, comedy and of course happiness to drown out the stuck in the head issues.
- Guilt and Regret: Again, sorry these are also common and natural! Don’t let anyone dismiss your feelings. You need support, no judging, no dismissing of any of what you are feeling right now. You can’t change what has occurred so, trust and believe that you did the best you could in that situation. Be compassionate with yourself and don’t dismiss your own feelings either. You also need to be the best coach for yourself!
- Sadness and depression: This stage of grief is so difficult to overcome. Because it can leave you feeling alone, isolated and lonely. You can reach out for therapy, counselling or support from friends or family for a shoulder to cry on! Or a shoulder to talk to! To talk it out of your system allows you to heal. Listening to songs, singing, playing music, dancing, art, painting, drawing, can help to release all of these emotions bottled up inside you. Remember to give yourself permission to cry, as often as you feel necessary. It will definitely help you clear your body, mind and soul by releasing all of those attachments and feelings stuck inside. While depression is also part and parcel of your journey, it is important to know the degree of depression that you are struggling with. If you can’t function in your every day-to-day life then it’s time to find support from a physician or therapist as soon as possible. That way you will become unstuck and move forward to your better life and healing of your inner heart and soul!
- Relief and release: This is a difficult stage of grief. Because sometimes we don’t feel it’s right in our hearts to release the pain, release the feelings. But, it is normal, and can feel a real sense of relief from that dark black room with no light around the edges of the doorway. Don’t you just love my proverb phrases or expressions!! Talk about it, write about, start a blog, or a Vlog or an article! Find those special persons to listen to you.
- Physical symptoms: Ok this one is a difficult stage too! Because did the pressures, the stress and the pain cause you to have other physical signs or symptoms of some physical issues? Please please check with your doctor on covering all of those signs and symptoms to ensure that you are also caring for your own well-being. You can sometimes get a good check-up to eliminate any doubts of all of things that it could be instead of that positive energy. Sometimes, sleep is what you crave or you get too much of. Or pain, or muscle pains of areas that you didn’t know you had before! Maybe it’s time to get some outside assistance with determining how to correct it. Sometimes it needs to hurt before we give it the attention it really does deserve. Eat healthy, get some exercise that you love and enjoy. I found getting into a routine, is helpful because you really start craving the time you can escape into your own body and mind to improve your training and well-being. It will help you with any emotional symptoms as well. It helps you release that pain!
- Spiritual journey or path: Hmmmm. This one is so helpful in giving you inner guidance, truth, faith and trust. It helped me with the feeling of lonliness and isolation. Not that we don’t know what that’s like in 2020 and 2021! Spiritually your beliefs are from within. Your inner core can help you have meaning again, find love again, and find love for yourself. Death is of course difficult to understand spiritually so, maybe it’s finding meaning in life again, or finding meaning in the different journeys that we are all on. I found meditation helpful, reading, movies, music, dancing, prayer, rituals, or yoga. Anything that taps you into the universe, the one that connects you to the devine. Whatever that means to you! I think we want to find the meaning of why things happen. I’m not really sure why our brain wants that information, but I do know that if you find the true meaning of yourself, and ask the universe for assistance in your questions and what you should you do next. It helps you feel you are not alone, you have the higher good to answer all of your questions and prayers. Maybe it’s a spiritual leader that you can find that you can one with. Enjoy the journey, it is very inspirational and believe me there is light in that dark black room that you feel trapped in. There is a light around that doorway, and now you can open that door and be free!
Thank you Victoria of all your beautiful words of wisdom when it comes to end of life! Victoria of The Unleashed Heart, is a creative and strategic intuitive guide who connects hurting hearts with their authentic, soulful selves to release suffering and thrive. Victoria is a self-published author, Adv. Cert. Grief Recovery Specialist®, Usui and Karuna Reiki Master, YouMap® Cert. Coach and End-of-Life Doula. She aims to use her strengths and skills to help those struggling with loss, as she intimately understands the impact of grief on our lives. Grief and trauma flipped her life upside down more than 30 years ago and, she spent the past three-plus decades hoping she’d get to where she is now – thriving. Victoria wishes the same for all grievers – it is possible!
Victoria Volk ~ email@example.com
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